The Surrogate
by Mercy
Summary: What do you do when your wife's left, your lifes a mess, and you've just learnt that your going to become a dad! But your wife's not the mother, your sister in law is..because she's the surrogate! Very AU..all human! Chapter 23 updated.
1. Dear William

The Surrogate  
  
Summary: What do you do when you find out that your wife has been cheating on you for the past year, with your so-called best friend and flown the coop back to London...leaving you with a hell of a mess!! When you've just found out that you're about to become a dad, with you're wife's sister....who just happens to be your surrogate and the baby's biological mother........and you're the biological father.  
  
Mix that all up and what do you have......... The Surrogate.  
  
WIP  
  
Rating: PG for now  
  
Thanks go to Kirsty for beta reading it and willingly taking another one of my projects, also too Darcy because I haven't hit her up for this one yet!!!  
  
**well I've since reposted this edited by Darcy!!! So this is the repost**  
  
Thanks for all the reviews so far.......................you ppl give me so much encouragement and the courage to continue writing!!  
  
Author: Mercy  
  
~~~Chapter One~~~  
  
~~Dear William~~  
  
Throwing his briefcase down onto the sofa, Spike walked into the kitchen from the living room, in his home in Sunnydale. It had been a hard day at the family run law firm, he'd been in court most of the day, with a case that had dragged out longer than expected, making him miss a very important appointment at the doctors, with his wife. He scolded himself at the thought of what Lily was going to say to him about that, he knew that she'd probably want his head for it, but he hoped the flowers that he held in his other hand may ease the way a little for him. Looking around the kitchen it was oddly clean and looked like it hadn't been touched all day, which was odd for Lily, as she usually had the kitchen in a mess this time of day, preparing dinner for them.  
  
Turning on the kettle Spike pulled out a cup, and proceeded to make himself a coffee, taking the unopened milk cartoon out of the fridge, even odder since he'd only bought it last night, yet it remained unopened, especially with Lily being a fervent coffee drinker. His concern rose, as he still had yet to hear movement in the house, it was deathly silent, like no-one else was present within its walls. Getting worried for the well being of his wife, he walked through the house looking for her, or clues that may tell him of her whereabouts. He found his answer soon enough, when he reached their bedroom, unlike the kitchen, it was chaotic, with draws half open and clothes strewn all over the floor and cupboards. The closet door was pulled open, displaying its empty racks and shelves, next to his own clothing still neatly folded in piles, and on their hangers in the closet.  
  
It made a clear statement. Lily was gone.  
  
He quietly sat down on the bed opposite Lily's dresser, her jewellery case had been raided, all her valuable, make-up and perfumes were gone as well. Yet the most disturbing thing he saw, was her wedding band that lay on top of a small yellow envelope, drawing his face into his hands, he breathed deeply trying to control the disbelief, at the carnage that surrounded him in the room. Taking a deep breath, his face emerged from his hands, looking once more at the envelope on the dresser. Standing up he walked to the dresser, lifting her wedding ring, running his finger along the edge, feeling just how hollow it really felt, in anger he threw it onto the dresser. He watched his reflection in the mirror, as it bounced off the dresser, somewhere into the room, where he didn't care and didn't even bother to see where it landed.  
  
His gaze caught on his name, written in long scrolling letters on the yellow paper before him. Picking it up he turned it over, looking at the blank side, back over to the written side, over and over, it reflected the turmoil that lay within him. Moving back to the bed he slumped back, it sunk under his weight, as he continued just to stare at the offending letter, frightened to read what maybe inside.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Earlier that day........  
  
Across town in a Dr Singer's office sat a lone woman in the waiting room, nervously looking at her watch once again, and looking around the room, as couples sat reading magazines or chatting amongst themselves. The secretary looked at the female that sat opposite her desk, the worry was written all over her face, it would appear that the person or people that were meant to show, had no inclination to, and this was nothing new to the secretary, it happened all the time.  
  
"Would you like to reschedule your appointment?" The secretary caught the young ladies eye, "I can make one for next week if you like?"  
  
"No it's okay, I'll wait."  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"Yes thank you. I think I'm next anyway, and I really need to see the doc."  
  
"Would you like me to ring your partner?" The secretary made the offer, hoping that it may help.  
  
"I....." She was interrupted by the doctor's door opening, as it creaked on its hinges.  
  
"Ms Summers," Dr. Singer spotted her immediately, and looked around the room for a companion, that maybe with her, "just you today?"  
  
"So it would appear."  
  
"Please come in then." The doctor motioned for her to enter, and closed the door behind her patient, as she entered the examination room, "Take a seat."  
  
"Thank you." Buffy made her way to the chair and sat in front of the large desk that was the doctors.  
  
"All alone today, Buffy?"  
  
"Hmmmm. I have no idea what has happened, maybe flat tyre, who knows?" Buffy nervously played with her handbag strap, "I need to know Dr Singer, I know that it may not be the done thing, but I need to know."  
  
"It is highly unusual, Buffy, but I think it won't hurt to let you in.", the doctor broke out into a large grin, "You, Miss Summer's are eight weeks pregnant."  
  
"Oh my god."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Later that day..........  
  
Tearing open the letter finally, Spike opened the parchment and saw his wife's large flowing writing upon the page.  
  
My Dearest Will,  
I can't stay any longer, it's just too much, as you can guess I'm gone. Taken the cowards way out, and just ran, not really my style, but I'm not ready to face you.  
  
I'm sorry.  
  
There is nothing that I can really say, but I'm sorry, it's just not working for me anymore Will. I've done everything I can to stay, I've tried, I don't love you anymore.  
  
I'm sorry,  
  
Lily  
  
PS Gone home  
  
Spike recoiled from the sudden pain that ripped through his heart, he had absolutely no idea why and how she left. He couldn't believe that she'd leave him without telling him, that she even had problems within their marriage, as far as he was concerned everything was perfect. He just could not fathom what lay before him in the chaos that was their room, the bed still lay in a mess after last night. That hit him in the gut like a sharp blow, how could she have made love to him last night, and left this morning. It was too much of a contradiction to him, he let the paper flutter from his hands, standing up he retreated to the living room and poured himself a very large whiskey.  
  
He proceeded to have many more after that........to obliterate the pain that was swallowing him whole.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Same time different place.........  
  
Buffy walked into her home, threw her handbag onto the hallway table, and just looked at herself in the mirror above the table. She didn't look or feel different, but she had known the results of the test, even before the doctor had told her. She swallowed hard, trying to reason with herself that everything was fine and it was just nerves, or maybe this is how you are meant to feel when you're pregnant. Yet the tight balls of dread that were forming in the pit of her stomach would not go away, she had a nagging feeling that something was wrong.  
  
Really wrong.  
  
She had wondered where her sister had gotten to, as she hadn't shown up for the doctor's appointment, but then again that was just typical Lily for you. She was always running here or there and forgetting things, even important things like today, with her busy lifestyle. If you could call endless shopping and social club events busy, but then again marrying into a wealthy and connected family helped. Still concerned with her sisters' welfare she called Lily at home, and got the answering machine, not happy with leaving a message, she tried her mobile phone, which was switched off and was redirected to voicemail. Not happy with that, Buffy decided that the best bet would be to leave a message on her home phone, dialling it again, she waited for the beep, and left her message.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Spike was about halfway down to the bottom of the whiskey bottle when he heard the phone ring and the answering machine kick in.  
  
"Hello, you have reached William and Lily's, we are both extremely busy having a good time. So just leave your message after the beep, and we'll call you back."  
  
Spike could hear the greeting that his wife had left on the machine, he put his glass up in a salute to her, "Cheers Luv." He waited for the beep to announce who was on the other end of the phone, and after a quiet pause, they spoke.  
  
"Lily, it's me Buffy. I need you to call me and let me know your okay. What happened to you today?" A slight pause followed after that, " Lily if your home please pick up! It's important!" Another pause, "Lily, I'm pregnant", the machine cut the rest of the conversation off, as it ran out of tape.  
  
"Holy shit! Buffy!!" Spike nearly fell of the floor, as he was told he was going to be a father. 


	2. Dear Buffy

~~~Chapter Two~~~  
  
~~Dear Buffy~~  
  
Buffy put the phone down on its cradle, she felt slightly relieved after leaving the message on her sister's answering machine, it felt like some giant weight was off her shoulders. She hoped that Lily would call her back soon, at least to let her know that she got the message, it was nothing unusual for Lily not to show up sometimes, but the fact that William or Spike, as he liked to be called by family and friends, hadn't showed up, played on her mind. It had been an important appointment, they both should have been there, this was enough for the knot in her stomach to tighten so hard that she felt nauseated, the bile hit the back of her throat. She couldn't put it down to morning sickness, as she appeared to have been spared that for now, not that Dr Singer hadn't warned her it might happen later.  
  
Buffy made herself a peppermint tea, she thought that it might help with the upset stomach, and help to settle her nerves. She took the tea back to the sofa in the living room and sat down, sipping it as she went, trying to think good thoughts, all this worry couldn't be good for the baby she carried. Her thoughts went to the time when she had offered the childless couple to be their surrogate, as it would appear that they wouldn't have had their own any other way, due to Lily's infertility problems. Polycystic ovaries stopped the young woman from conceiving, and Buffy offering to help them, seem to be the closest thing to having their own child. They had both knocked the idea back the first time she offered, but as time went on it seemed to be the best option if they wanted to have a child, as Lily's fertility treatment failed time and again. She would always see her brother- in-law's distraught face, each time they returned from Dr Singer's office, with another negative pregnancy test. Lily never seemed too perturbed about it, and she would always say to Spike, "Next time". Next time never came, so a year after the couple had stopped trying, Buffy had offered her help.  
  
She leaned over to the coffee table and put her teacup down onto its saucer, then she picked up today's mail. Bill, bill, bill, junk mail, and a yellow envelope with unmistakeable handwriting. Lily's, scrolling writing covered the letter face. Buffy read her own name and address, she tore the letter open and removed the contents of the matching paper.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Spike dropped the glass that held the amber liquid, the contents fell over his trousers, he swore at himself as he watched it penetrate the fabric, and flow over into the white carpet. He left the glass where it fell and walked back into the kitchen, damping a cloth he blotted his pants the best he could to remove the alcohol. He looked down at his trousers, it looked like he'd wet himself, which he reflected was something he'd nearly done after hearing Buffy voice as she left her message.  
  
He felt as if someone was playing a cruel joke on him, his world had come crashing down around him, and the implications of what was happening was just too much to bear. He couldn't fathom what to do now, he was caught between breaking everything he could with his bare hands, and screaming out in jubilation with the news of Buffy's successful pregnancy. His head was starting to pound from the headache that had begun in his brain, with all the whirling contradictions that his life had become in the last few hours.  
  
Picking up the phone, he tried calling some of Lily's friends to find out if she was staying with them, before she made her final dash, back home. Home to Lily, he knew meant London, a million miles from here. With every call, his suspicions grew, she had either fled the country, or her friends were lying to him. Deep inside himself he knew that she had gone home. He continued his calls, this time Trans-Atlantic, hoping one of her friends in London may take pity on him and tell him her whereabouts. Considering the news he received it was imperative that they talk, he just knew they could work it out, or six years of marriage would go down the proverbial toilet.  
  
No one would tell him anything. Even when he pleaded with some of her friends, laying his heart out on his sleeve, it got him nowhere. Feeling defeated, he decided to give it a rest for the night, and sought out the next most important thing in his life, his unborn child.  
  
At least in that he could take some joy.  
  
Picking up the phone again, he dialled the local cab company and asked for a cab, to take him to the other side of Sunnydale. He had drunk way too much, and didn't want to kill himself on the way to one of the most important discussions of his life. So he requested a cab, and when asked by the operator for a destination, he clearly recited the address.  
  
To Buffy's place.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Opening the paper, Buffy picked up her tea and took another sip, she couldn't look at the contents of the letter just yet. A wave of nausea struck her abdomen again, she felt like she was going to dry wretch, a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach seized her. Unable to put it off any longer, she read the letter.  
  
Buffy,  
You know that you mean the world to me, and it makes me sad to write this letter to you, considering everything that you've done for me over the last few years. Especially now, but there's no way except for me to tell it to you in a letter, because I'm too afraid to tell you, to your face. If anyone in this mess deserves it more, it's you.  
  
I can't put it any simpler, but to tell you that I've gone home, permanently. I'm not happy here, and I'm not in love with William anymore. To put it in words is just too hard. I just want to go home, and it really comes down to that. I know that I should have told you, and put a stop to the surrogate thing, but I thought that it might make things different, but then thinking about the doctor's appointment today, I panicked and it made me face the truth.  
  
I don't want this.  
  
I hope for all our sakes that the insemination didn't work, and you're not pregnant. But if you are, I've left enough money in your bank account today to take care of it. I'm sure considering the circumstances that Dr Singer could refer you on to someone.  
  
I'm sorry Buffy, I don't know what else to say, but I do love you. I'm so sorry to have done this to you, but I thought I was doing the right thing.  
  
I've gone home to London, to Grandmother's, I hope that she'll help me find my life again, considering I've fucked it up so badly so far. I'll call you later to see how you're going, I do care about you, but I just cannot face up to what I've done yet.  
  
I've left a note for William too, I couldn't face him either.  
  
Love  
  
Lily  
  
Buffy dropped her cup of tea onto the floor, narrowly missing her legs that were exposed from her skirt. Fear gripped her heart, as she felt it thump in her chest rapidly, she could feel her blood pressure rise, and a red hot flush come over her. She quickly jumped to her feet and ran for the bathroom, bending over the bowl of the toilet, she threw up the contents of her stomach, the reality of what was happening hit her like a lightening bolt.  
  
Lily had fled from her husband, and most importantly left her holding the baby.  
  
She heaved until there was nothing left to come out, slowly crawling to the sink, she pulled herself up, and washed her face with cold water. She looked at herself in the mirror and saw the reflection of a distraught self. The silent tears began to flow as the reality of what Lily had written sunk in. Her sister had just managed to ruin not two lives, but three. Her husband's, her sister's and the baby's. Yet one thing was clear to Buffy, she couldn't do what her sister had told her to do, she couldn't face a termination, she just wouldn't do it.  
  
Buffy knew that she would just have to carry the baby, she just drew a blank beyond that, thinking further ahead was just too hard. It was further complicated by a dark shadow that could demand and rule over any decision's she made about the baby, and the strength of that shadow placed even a greater strain on her resolution to have the baby.  
  
Spike, and the contract she'd signed, agreeing to give up all parental rights to the baby.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Spike paced outside of his house as he waited for the cab, his mind lost within the chaos that surrounded him. It wandered, from getting Lily back home to sort out their marriage, to why she'd left, to Buffy and the child that lay in her womb. He took out a cigarette and lit the end with the silver lighter that Buffy had given him for Christmas, the first year that he'd married Lily. Staring into the flame, he could only imagine what Buffy was going to do once she heard the news. He knew one thing, it was better coming from him, than someone else. From her call he assumed that Buffy knew nothing of the days events and Lily's departure.  
  
The whole bloody thing was a mess, how they were going to fix it was just too complicated to think about. The most important thing he needed to do, he thought to himself, was to reassure Buffy that all would be well, whatever happened. He needed her to know that he would support her.....he stopped walking. His mind stopped, his gasped for air as he realised his train of thought....he'd support her thoughout the pregnancy no matter what, he'd be there as her support person, instead of Lily. He could look forward to the nine months with her, be her friend, be there to help her with anything she needed, like Lily was meant to, if they could not work it out. Most importantly he could be with her throughout the delivery, and see the birth of his child...it finally hit him then.  
  
What if Buffy didn't want the child because of what was happening?  
  
He drew a deep breath into his smoke filled lungs, trying to put the thought that Buffy, may not want to continue the pregnancy without Lily being here, out of his mind. That single thought created a deep abyss of dread like he'd never felt before, it even over shadowed the fact that Lily had just left. That paled in comparison, as his priorities had just been set, by circumstances out of his control.  
  
In frustration, he looked at his watch as he continued to wait for the cab that he'd ordered He took out his mobile phone and dialled the cab company, only to bark a large complaint at the poor operator at the other end of the line. Spike paced the lawn again, the cab's lights shone down the street, he hung up. Flagging the cab, he opened the door even before the car, came to a stand still, and jumped into the backseat. Before the driver could say 'hello', Spike offered the man a hundred dollars to get him across town as fast as he could, to pay for any speeding ticket he may get. Grabbing the bill out of Spike's hand, the driver spun the wheels of his cab, and hit the accelerator, to comply with his customer's demands.  
  
Spike knew that he had to get to Buffy as fast as he could, especially if Lily had beaten him to it, in telling her what had happened. He just couldn't take the risk that she'd made a decision concerning the baby, a decision that he knew he'd live to regret if she chose the wrong one. Any other thoughts of Lily were put on hold as the car approached Buffy's house, it slowed and came to a complete stop in her driveway. Spike sat there, his fear controlling him, he just didn't know if he had any strength left to face Buffy if she resisted him.  
  
"You getting out mister?" The cab driver asked his passenger.  
  
"Yeah, and thanks for the ride."  
  
"Hey, a hundred bucks for a twenty dollar ride, you can call me any day of the week!" He said with a fake smile for the patron.  
  
Spike opened the door, and pulled himself out of the cab, stepping onto the curb. The cab moved away, leaving him to stand there in the dark alone. Very much how he felt at that moment in time. Taking the path to the house, he slowly climbed the stairs, his stomach tossed and turned with the alcohol he'd consumed earlier, making him feel even sicker than he had been before now. He raised his hand and knocked on the door, waiting for a reply.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Buffy turned her head to look at the door, she lay on the couch with a blanket covering her, and her hands full of wet tissues. A knock on the door was the last thing she needed' so she decided to ignore it, she didn't need the outside world to be invading her misery tonight, it was enough company. She'd just stopped thinking after along time, and lay immobile on the couch, not wanting to feel anything, just numb and lost in the nothingness that had enveloped her. It was less painful than having to face the truth that, she was pregnant, and it would appear alone in her pregnancy. Her sister's letter hadn't helped, it made it clear what she wanted her to do about her pregnancy, and she didn't want to have to face up to what she'd done to her sister and husband.  
  
The knock on the door became a pounding, but Buffy continued to ignore it, she pulled the blanket over her head to block out the world. After a time, the intruder gave up and left, Buffy could hear the steps of the person move away from the front door. She took a sigh of relief, and wiped her eyes again, as the tears continued to roll down her cheeks. She moved her hand to her stomach, spreading her hand over her middle, wondering what the baby looked like at this early stage, spreading her fingers over her abdomen, she felt the smooth skin that would soon begin to strength under the growth of her baby.  
  
Her baby.  
  
Her's.  
  
Mine.  
  
My baby.  
  
Her mind made her hearts intention clear, there was no chance that she'd do anything but have the baby. Buffy knew it was more complicated than that, she'd begun to build a wall around her heart a long time ago, for the time she'd carry the baby for her sister and have to give it up, but she felt that wall obliterated by her sister's letter. She moved the blanket away from herself, and lifted her shirt that she wore, displaying the hand that lay on her flat abdomen.  
  
"Hello in there. I'm your mom! I'll look after you!" Buffy spoke the words that her heart cried out, "Your mine!"  
  
Out of the shadows, created by the single light that shone in the corner of the room, came a voice she instantly recognised.  
  
"And I believe, mine as well." 


	3. The Facts Of Life

Thank you to both my beta's Kirsty and Darcy!! You guys are Legends!!  
  
Another thank you to Hannah, who kind of gave me the idea for this chapter from an email she sent me!!  
  
~~~Chapter Three~~~  
  
~~The Facts Of Life~~  
  
Buffy shuddered as she heard the voice come from the shadows, her day had been bad enough already, it was about to get worse. She could feel her stomach churn in dread at her visitor, it was obviously the same person that had demanded entry a few minutes earlier. Behind her stood what could destroy any decisions about what she was going to do about the baby. She'd known that she would have to include Spike in any decision-making, but she just didn't want to think about it tonight, the tough decision had been made about not terminating the pregnancy. She didn't want to think about the implications it may have on her life, she just wanted to feel the new life that lay beneath her hand.  
  
"Don't you know how to knock Spike?" Buffy asked the man behind her.  
  
"Tried that one, and got nowhere fast."  
  
"Must have been a reason why I didn't answer the door. Like maybe I wasn't home!" Buffy tried to contend her anger.  
  
"I find your reasoning immaterial at the moment Buffy." Spike voice hardened with every word. "We need to talk."  
  
"Stating the obvious Spike, and don't speak to me like a criminal, I'm not. This isn't the office, and I am family remember?"  
  
"How could I forget just how much family you are?" Spike snidely replied to her comments.  
  
"Then please remember you are in my house, not the court room!"  
  
"No, I'm just in the house of my sister-in-law, who just happens to be carrying my child, and whose sister has just done a bunk back home!" Spike took a swipe at Buffy.  
  
"Her choices, not mine!" Buffy took all the ammunition that she could and ran with it, "Did you give her reason to run?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"I said did you give her a reason to run?" Buffy knew deep down that he would never have done anything to Lily, but she felt so raw with emotions that she would do anything to protect herself and the baby. She knew that he still held most of the cards, and he would either hold his hand close to his body, or show his deck.  
  
"How could you even think that?" Spike spat the venom back at her, "She's my wife for god's sake! We are meant to be a....." He couldn't get the words out as he choked on them.  
  
"A what Spike? You are meant to be a family. Is that what you're saying?" Buffy moved her body around to finally face him, "Because from what I could tell from Lily's letter, you guys are anything but!" she looked at the anger and devastation that sat on his face.  
  
Spike moved around the sofa, and sat down into one of the vacant seats, his head bowed down in defeat. His hand rested against his scalp as he ran his fingers through his hair, after some time he slowly raised his head as she saw a single tear run down his face, the atmosphere between the two dissolved, and melted into the void that surrounded them. Both had much to lose, and they both knew it, but had to this point refused to acknowledge it.  
  
"Why Buffy? Why has Lily done it?" Spike broke the icy quietness between them, "What did or didn't I do?"  
  
"I don't know Spike. I probably know no more than you!"  
  
"You must! You're sisters! Don't sisters tell each other everything?" Spike demanded.  
  
"Not everything."  
  
'But you must know something, my god you guys are close!"  
  
"Obviously not as much as you think." Buffy went over to where her letter from Lily lay, she just didn't have the inner strength to go ten rounds with Spike, and she thought it would just end this interrogation. Taking it in her hand, she walked over to Spike and handed it over to him. "Read it! It will make it clear, I know as much as you!"  
  
With some reluctance Spike took the letter from her, and read what Lily had written to her sister. She could see the flutter of emotions run over his face as he absorbed what she had written, she watched as he read it over, and over. Buffy tried to contemplate what was going through his mind, he looked so lost in his thoughts. Even that was something that she couldn't fathom, but from somewhere deep down in her sub-conscious she could feel the trepidation built up in her spinal cord, making her muscles contract in retaliation and fear. She immediately shut her mind to the thoughts that began to form there. This was not the time or place to air her concerns. The baby was the most important thing for Buffy, at this point and time, it came first, Spike would just have to live with it.  
  
"Lily, as you can see, didn't say why, even to me. It really says nothing." Buffy spoke quietly to him.  
  
"It mostly says what she wrote to me, except one important thing." Spike handed the letter back to her, "She tells you to 'take care of it'."  
  
"I know."  
  
"But you're not are you?" Spike spoke of his deepest fear in this whole matter.  
  
Buffy sat there silent in reflection, she supposed that honesty was the most appropriate thing here, "No."  
  
"Thank god!" Spike looked as if some weight had been removed from his shoulders.  
  
"I couldn't do it, even if I tried Spike. The baby is part of me. I can't get rid of it like some inconvenience just because you two can't keep it together!"  
  
"Part of you!"  
  
"Yes part of me! Remember just whose eggs these are!" Buffy was incensed as she lashed out at him, she was protecting what she now considered hers. If her sister didn't want the baby, then she would take responsibility for the life inside of her, and be dammed the consequences.  
  
"And I had no part in it! Just remember who makes up the other half of the equation here!'  
  
"How could I forget!"  
  
"You also seem to forget something else Buffy!" Spike's voice filled with poison, as he felt himself get caught up in the heated emotions that flew around the room, "Our contract!"  
  
Buffy fled past him and ran up the stairs to the second floor, she threw open the door that led to her study and pulled open a drawer on her desk, pulling out the document. She had heard the heavy steps that followed her in pursuit, as she had departed the living room. Turning around with the papers in her hand, she held them in front of her. She watched him stand at the doorway holding onto the archway, his hands white with the pressure he applied to it. With a demented grin on her face, she took the papers between her hands and tore them in front of him. She let them flutter to the floor, pooling around her feet where she stood.  
  
"What contract Spike? The rules just changed!"  
  
"You think that you can just tear up a contract! You seem to forget you signed it, and you signed it knowing that the baby would come to me! You gave up all parental rights! It's my baby Buffy, not yours!" Spike spoke so harshly and cruelly, that it finally destroyed any fragile emotions that Buffy could use to defend herself against him.  
  
Silently he watched Buffy slide down onto her knees, tears founded in fear fell down her cheeks, and her sobs filled the otherwise silent room. She slumped over onto the floor, her arms coming around her face to blot out the reality around her. Spike had just realised her fears, her insecurities, and her knowledge that he could do just what he threatened, and he had the means to do it. He had written the iron-clad contract, and it would appear he had the power to enforce the contract, after all he knew the law, it was his livelihood.  
  
Taking in what lay before him he instantly regretted his words, he knew deep down that Buffy was only protecting the baby. She'd clearly been devastated by the turn of events, and just wanted to take care of the precious life inside of her, that her sister had carelessly discarded like a piece of trash. Very much obviously, like him and their life together. Spike realised that he needed to hold onto the life that lay in the woman in front of him, as much as she did. Even in this mess, he had a responsibility not only to the baby, but also to her. With slow and silent steps he moved over the carpeted floor, and sat down next to the crying woman, raising his hand, he placed it on her shoulder, she quickly pulled away from any contact with him. Not being put off he moved closer to her, gently but with some soft resistance from her, he took her into his arms, embracing her, trying to give her some comfort, and from the refuge of his chest she pleaded her case.  
  
"Please don't take the baby from me Spike. Lily does not want it, but I do! She doesn't give a damn about you, me or the baby!" Buffy said between sobs, her voice heavy with fear. "It's a new life that deserves someone that cares about them! I promise you Spike that I do care about this baby!"  
  
"I know you do Luv, but.....but have you really thought about it! About what that means, and everything that it entails!"  
  
"I know what it means Spike! What I have to give up, and what it might mean to my life! But that's exactly what the baby is, part of my life!"  
  
"Mine too, and don't you think I deserve a say in this?"  
  
"Please Spike, you can be part of the baby's life! You are the baby's father! But he or she is part of me too! A part that I cannot give up now just because Lily does not want it, as much as she says she's sorry about it, I'm not! I want the baby, and I want to be its mother! Lily doesn't deserve it!"  
  
Taking in what Buffy was saying, he could feel the hurt that lay deep within her from her sister's actions. They were unforgivable, she had left her sister who maybe was pregnant, after going through the painful procedure of insemination, and here he was threatening to make all that she'd gone though equate to nothing. His mind screamed in pain at the heavy thoughts that filled him, maybe just maybe if he could work it out with Lily........but with a distraught Buffy in front of him, he knew that he had to give that thought up. The most important person in all of this was the baby, and with that he gave up something he had once thought the centre of his universe.  
  
His marriage and his wife.  
  
In a split second the decision was made, he could feel his heart break in two, he realised that Buffy would never give up the baby, and he just had to live with that. He'd just have to live with the consequences, and what ever fate would deliver to him, but he didn't want to leave everything up to Buffy. He was the child's father, he deserved to decide on the child's fate, so stepping deeper into his commitment to his child he made a few more decisions that would affect them both.  
  
"Okay Buffy.....let's call a truce hey! It's not good for you or the baby." Spike pulled her head gently away from his chest, sweeping away the hair from her face, and wiping the tears, "Some how we'll make some sense of this mess, and we'll make it work. But we need to consider the baby, okay, and this is only stressing you out! Let's go back downstairs, have a hot drink, and talk like the adults we are, no insults and no recriminations, okay Luv?"  
  
Buffy could only nod her head as she allowed him to help her stand, walk her back down the stairs into the living room, and down onto the sofa. Moving into her kitchen he found the packet of herbal tea on the cabinet, turning on the kettle he made her another tea, and himself a coffee. Despite the bile that filled his throat from the copious amounts of alcohol in his system, he felt totally in control, yet lost at the same time. It felt like his life at the present moment was a total contradiction. Taking the two mugs into the living room he presented one to Buffy, and sat down opposite her once again, taking a sip of his coffee, he watched her take slow controlled amounts of her own drink.  
  
"We need to get through this Buffy, and it's clear that we need to do it together." Spike spoke to the distraught woman in front of him, "I have a few proposals for you that need to be ironed out."  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"Firstly, that I will play an active role in this pregnancy, and that I will have a say in what happens."  
  
"I want you to! I won't deny you the baby, Spike!"  
  
"I know that Buffy, you've made that abundantly clear, but I have to make that absolutely apparent. I also have some other conditions."  
  
"What type of conditions?"  
  
"I want to be with you throughout the pregnancy in every way! When you see the doctor, and when the baby's born." Spike moved from his chair and sat down in front of her, "I want to be your support person, like Lily was meant to be, and....."  
  
"And? What else?"  
  
"I want more than that! I want you to move into my house, so I can see the baby anytime!"  
  
"No, that's crazy!! I will not move into your house!" Buffy was confused with all these demands he was placing on her.  
  
"You can, and you will!"  
  
"No!" Buffy was sure about that, she would accept some things that he demanded, but not that.  
  
"Why not? It's a big house, and I can keep an eye on you!"  
  
"No!"  
  
"No. You must see that it's the sensible thing to do!"  
  
"I said no!"  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"It's her house!"  
  
"Lily's?" finally it dawned on him why she would not relent.  
  
"Fine then, I'll move in here, and I'll bring the baby's things." Spike conceded.  
  
"No!"  
  
"Yes Buffy, and that's final!" Spike demanded.  
  
Buffy knew Spike was like a dog with a bone that he would not give up, and knew that she would not win this argument at all. Nevertheless, maybe she could have some say in it, it was her house, she would have some control at least in what happened. Therefore, she found herself relenting but only in part.  
  
"You can bring yourself, but you leave the baby things at home!"  
  
"But you'll need them!"  
  
"I don't want anything that she chose in my house, this is my baby, and it will have the things I want!"  
  
Not wanting to create even more havoc between them, Spike only nodded his agreement in this discussion, needing to concede on this at least. Draining the final liquid from his cup, he stood and walked to the door.  
  
"Where are you going? I thought you wanted to talk!" Buffy asked of him.  
  
"I think we've said enough tonight Buffy, and I'm going home," Spike opened the front door, looking back at her, he said his final piece, "I'm going to get my things for tonight, as I meant what I said. I want to be here for everything!"  
  
With that Spike closed the door behind him, leaving a shell-shocked Buffy in the house, as he walked down the stairs he pulled out his mobile phone and called a cab. Buffy sat on the sofa thinking about what had just happened between them. The events that had unfolded before her were the last thing she expected to have happened at all, and she had yet to digest what had occurred tonight.  
  
Spike had well and truly embedded himself in her life, and she had no idea what that would mean. But she knew that she wasn't alone in this mess, and in a way that gave her some comfort, but she dreaded at what cost it would be to her. Most of all she thought of the consequences it may entail from her family when they found out, but with some resolve she realised she didn't give a damn.  
  
Let there be consequences! 


	4. Thoughts

~~~Chapter Four~~  
  
~~Thoughts~~  
  
~Buffy~  
  
True to his word Spike returned that first night and settled himself into Buffy's house, so much so, that he took over the guest room and the study, filling them with his belongings, and legal papers. Much to Buffy's discontent she would come home, and find her house in disarray, legal papers everywhere, and her answering machine full of messages for him. He had literally taken over the house, as if he had been there forever, not to mention a sink full of coffee cups, much to her horror. He kept his word though, about wanting to "be there for everything". Especially now that the morning sickness had hit her, and hit her bad. He would always appear with a glass of cold water, and a wet washcloth to wipe her face, then sit behind her and hold her head, waiting for it to be over.  
  
Even though they shared the house, most of the time he would stay out of her way, or be in the study attending to his work. He never once really engaged her in any conversation besides the baby, and it was making her crazy. He never broached the subject of the contract again and most importantly, they never discussed Lily. Buffy knew that they had to eventually, it was a topic that desperately needed to be addressed, until then she knew that they could never move onto the more important things, like having this baby.  
  
Lily's betrayal still stung Buffy, never had she felt so abandoned in all her life. She'd gone into this pregnancy to give her sister something that she couldn't accomplish with her infertility. Yet Lily had turned around and thrown that gift away, because it was something that she didn't want, that stung Buffy even deeper. Even though she knew her sister probably regretted what had happened, it didn't erase the fact that the baby was here, and wasn't going away. Buffy doubted that Lily even knew she was pregnant, she hoped that if she had gotten in contact with Spike, he would have at least told her. Yet Spike remained silent on the subject of his wife, or anything to do with her.  
  
No one else in the family had been in contact either, even though Lily had made it clear that she was going to her Grand Mama's in London. It was convenient for Lily to go there, as it was so far away from the mess she'd created for herself, and others around her. Buffy didn't want to ask Spike for the number, as she felt that at this point it would be safer not to, she just didn't know if she wanted to face that discussion, just yet. He'd probably find it difficult to believe that she didn't have the number, considering that they were sisters.  
  
The reality was that Lily was only a half sister, her father had married Buffy's mother about two years after being made a widower from a motor car accident, and had moved from America to England, with Buffy arriving a year later into the marriage. Lily had strong ties with her English family, and considered England her second home, something that despite making the Americas his home, her father had encouraged.  
  
Buffy had never gotten on with her English grandmother, she found her too rigid and 'stuffy' for want of a better word, Lily had always been her favourite, and she had always spoilt her rotten. Lily had hit the jackpot with their grandmother when she'd married another Englishman, and travelled between the two continents when Spike's work demanded. Especially seeing as he was well connected and came from a "good background and breeding" She knew what a fit that dear old Grandma would be having now if she knew the truth, that the other 'girl' as Buffy knew she called her, was pregnant with the apparent heir. However, Buffy didn't really give a damn, any resolve that she had about the pregnancy superseded anyone else, and since Lily had decided her own fate, no one had a say in anything anymore, no one.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
~Spike~  
  
As Buffy sat on her sofa, peppermint tea in hand, contemplating the thoughts that whirled around in her head, she never heard her houseguest approach from the dark depths of the study. He stood at the bottom off the landing, and watch her as she stared into space, he'd rarely seen her ever do that, and he knew that something had to be really troubling her, to make her not pay attention to the world around her. It would not take much to guess what she was thinking about, a frown began to tighten the muscles on her face, until it became a scowl.  
  
In one word, 'Lily'.  
  
He knew that Lily had done an expert job at right royally screwing up their lives. She betrayed two people who should matter most in her life most, her sister and her husband. Even though it had only been a matter of a few weeks, it felt sometimes to him, like she'd done it only yesterday. He still couldn't fathom why she'd left him, they hadn't argued over anything, they never wanted for anything, and he had never let work rule his life. His family was his life, and he'd put 100% of himself into their relationship, but obviously it hadn't been enough for her. Spike had to admit that he'd felt her distance sometimes, but he'd put that down to trying to have a baby, the hormone injections, and the repeated failures. Even the year following he'd put it all down to the stress of their situations, yet not once, not one word had she uttered that she was unhappy or didn't love him anymore.  
  
He was at a total loss, he just didn't get it! Looking at the woman sitting before him he had to remember that he'd given all that up, what was most important in his life now sat inside Buffy in the living room. She and the baby were family now, and he didn't give a damn about what the world would think of him, he knew his priorities, yet he recognised the importance that they did need to talk about Lily.  
  
They had to clear the air and move beyond the hurt and betrayal of Lily, even though they were experiencing it for different reasons. In the end it all came down to the bottom line, the baby. Buffy had made it so clear to him, that Lily just didn't fit into the equation anymore, they still had to work out where in the scheme of things they both sat in each others world. He wondered if Lily's request that Buffy just 'deal with it' using the funds she'd left her, had made up her mind, if anything, to forget her sister's existence. He shook his head, yet another topic he knew that they would have to discuss, he had so many that he wanted to talk to her about, but he was just down right scared. He didn't want to make her upset for any reason, it was hard enough, he guessed, for her to have him there at all. He'd truly barged his way into her life, demanding that she allow him to be there, foisting himself onto her.  
  
He'd been trying to stay out of her way since he'd moved in, wanting to give her breathing space, and yet at the same time, trying to decide just what they were going to do about the situation they found themselves in. If it wasn't tricky enough as it was, he danced around her moods trying to be there if she wanted him, but it was apparent that she had been doing alright without anyone up to this point. Yet for the sake of their child.....  
  
He'd never thought of the baby like that. Their child. It was both of theirs, a part of each of them. He'd never imagined it as part of himself and Buffy, always as a part of himself and Lily, coming from Buffy, as a great gift. It felt as if somewhere deep inside a knife was stabbing him, the pain filled every fibre and nerve in his being, this was not the future he envisaged for himself and the woman he watched. This was not what he would have wished on either of them. Yet the reality of what was happening could not be ignored, and he needed to make some sense of what was happening in his life, it was making him crazy. He needed some order, and he needed it now. Taking a much needed deep breath he looked at Buffy once more, and decided that there was no time like the present.  
  
They couldn't keep dancing around the subject forever.......  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
~The Truth~  
  
Spike moved away from the landing, stepping quietly towards Buffy as she sat down on the sofa. Sitting down on one of the others seats, he turned his attention to the television that was on, with some programme that Buffy obviously was not watching. The silence hung between the two, neither knowing what to say to the other, each too wrapped up in their thoughts to even try to contemplate saying something. Some say 'silence is golden', but it was just driving a wedge deeper between then, it had to come to a head at some stage, and the sooner the better.  
  
Buffy watched Spike with her peripheral vision, too scared to make eye contact with him, she could see that even though he stared at the television, he really wasn't watching it. In her mind she knew that she should speak to him at least, and try to make things a little easier between the two of them, considering that they had some important decisions to make. Decisions that would last for at least eighteen years. It was so overwhelming to find herself in this situation, she sighed with the gravity of it all. Buffy knew that she had to get along with Spike for fear of losing the baby, as he still had the contract and he could really do what he liked. Deep down she knew that he wouldn't really use that against her, but it was still a realistic fear, however she also knew that he was a good man, one that would support her and be there for her.  
  
She had a feeling that he'd committed himself to this, and yet to what cost she just didn't know. Spike had seemed to give up everything that had been his life with Lily, he never went to their home, and he never brought anything from home to remind him of her. Buffy could only fathom the pain that he must be going through, and how screwed up he must feel. Even though Lily had left her in a predicament, she could hardly imagine what he must be experiencing, his wife leaving, and his sister-in-law pregnant with his child. Talk about your double whammy and ending up in the Twilight Zone, he'd said that he'd be there for her, but who was there for him? She wasn't the only one who needed support in this chaos, she couldn't deny the fact that before this they had been good friends, and she still thought that they were. Yet she had not been much of a friend lately, she was so wrapped up in herself, would it really hurt to be the one that laid out the olive branch.  
  
"Spike?" Buffy broke the shattering silence.  
  
"Yeah?" Spike turned his head again to face her.  
  
"Ummm what you want for dinner?" It was the only thing that she could think of to say.  
  
"Whatever, don't go to any trouble." Spike nonchalantly threw back at her.  
  
"Okay, but don't tell me that you don't want it, because my cravings do my thinking for me!" Buffy responded in kind.  
  
"Pfft." was the only response Spike could come up with.  
  
Buffy looked down in defeat, she didn't have the courage to bring up what needed to be said, the last few weeks had just been horrible. The mix of feeling like she was going to erupt from the inside out with the morning sickness, to having no appetite, to wanting the most undesirable food combinations known to man. She didn't notice that Spike watched her after she broke eye contact, he could guess by the expression on her face that she did want to talk.  
  
Yet something held her back, if she was thinking the same way he was, it was driven by fear, for him the fear that he would drive her away and be left with nothing. He had yet to tell her that he'd made up his mind that he and Lily were history, as if he had a choice in the matter. It was just another thing that he didn't seem to have a choice about It seemed that everything in his life, over the last few weeks, had been controlled by other people, something he couldn't stand, he was so used to being 'in- charge' of everything that went on around him. He also felt the overwhelming uncertainties about where he fitted into the picture where the baby was concerned. Maybe he should take the leap that Buffy could not.  
  
"Buffy?"  
  
"What Spike?"  
  
"We need to talk. "Spike stood up and moved to sit down besides her, taking the remote off the coffee table he turned off the T.V. set, "We need to get the un-pleasantries out and in the open, don't you think Luv?"  
  
"I don't know Spike?" Buffy hesitated at the thought of having to face some realities that she just didn't want to.  
  
"Better we talk about it now, than when the baby starts pushing itself out and says 'hi mum and dad!'"  
  
"Mom"  
  
"Yeah that's what I said, 'mum'"  
  
"No.." Buffy gave up, "Okay what do you want to talk about?"  
  
"The obvious, Lily." Spike saw the pain flash across her eyes, which she quickly masked as she looked away from him and stared into her hands, "Not a pleasant subject for us both, but necessary, if we are going to get anywhere...."  
  
"What's there to say, she dumped you and left me holding the baby!"  
  
"That's the obvious pet, but why?"  
  
"I have no idea!" Buffy began twisting her hands together in dread, he could feel it coming off her in waves, and it was the most obvious sign to people that knew her, that she was lying. She was good at hiding her feelings half the time, but she was always a terrible liar.  
  
"Buffy, please don't lie to me.........ever!" The threat resinated through her, making itself evident as she felt the bile hit the back of her throat, she could feel her heart pounding in her chest, as it battered against her, racing in fear. Fear that he would drag her suspicions out of her, "Do you know something I don't!"  
  
"No.....no." Buffy's voice was a mere whimper.  
  
"Buffy, tell me!" Spike took her chin in his hand and made her look at him, "If you know something, tell me. I won't be angry with you sweetheart! But I need to know, because I'm in the fucking dark here!"  
  
"It's not relevant to now......I'm sure of it!" Buffy tried to get him to back off.  
  
"What....what's irrelevant?"  
  
"She said you two worked it out!"  
  
"Worked what out?"  
  
"You know, you two."  
  
"No I don't Buffy, you need to explain it to me!" Spike's voice went up a few octaves as his frustration began to bubble over.  
  
"The thing, you know, two years ago!"  
  
"What thing two years ago?"  
  
"The affair!!"  
  
Spike exploded, he shot up on his feet, swearing and cursing like Buffy had never seen before, the veins on his necks protruded with the elevation of his emotions. It was clear to even Buffy that Spike had no idea what she was talking about, he was oblivious to Lily's affair. Another betrayal of Lily's it would seem. She'd told Buffy that she'd worked it out with her husband, and all had been forgiven, it was never to be mentioned again, and especially to Spike.  
  
"Buffy please explain that last bit. I must have missed it!" Spike spoke to Buffy finally; he seethed his words through his teeth.  
  
"I.........I....." Buffy felt like the lowest of the low to have to tell him about Lily, "She....she"  
  
"Don't be afraid luv, tell me. Please I need to hear it, and hear it now!"  
  
"I'd just better tell you from the beginning then...." Buffy's words wandered off as she told him of her discovery a few years ago........  
  
Buffy was returning home, getting a non stop flight from Sydney to L.A. after a much needed holiday, luckily for her someone had cancelled at the last minute, and she decided to take the seat, rather than face a long frequent stop flight. As she opened her front door into the apartment where she was living, she could hear the unmistakable sounds of sex, the moans and the groans filled the room, combining with the unique sound of the headboard banging on the wall. One of those groans was conspicuously the voice of her sister. 'Just great! Just what I need, my sister doing it in my bed!' The thought made Buffy feel sick. However, what she heard next made her feel even worse, her sister screamed out the name of her lover, and it was not her husband's name, it was his best friend's.  
  
Frozen in that moment of discovery, and not sure what to do, Buffy sat down on the sofa in shock, swallowing hard so that she wouldn't be sick. She couldn't believe it, her sister was here, with her lover, and she was using her bed. The sheets would have to be burnt, it was the only real decision that Buffy could make. She'd sat there for a short while when Spike's so called friend Liam came out of her bedroom, stark naked. Buffy turned to face her unwelcome guest, and just stared at him as he retreated back to the bedroom, yelling for Lily to "come out into the living room".  
  
Lily had promptly come out to find her distraught sister sitting on the sofa. The look of shock upon being discovered was written all over her face, entwined with guilt. Lily sat down on the other sofa in the room, and began to cry, telling her sister over and over, "I'm sorry". Buffy could only stand up, she refused to even acknowledge either of them being in her apartment, as she coldly she turned her back to her sister.  
  
"I am going out for 15 minutes. You have that time to get out!" With that, Buffy grabbed her handbag, and left her apartment, not looking back once.  
  
Over the coming weeks Buffy had ignored her sisters pleas to talk to her, until one day she'd shown up on her front door step, cornering Buffy into letting her into to 'explain'. Her sister told the sob story that it was only 'a bit of fun', that she 'loved Spike', and that she'd confessed it all to him. Spike had been deeply hurt by his wife's betrayal, and wanted to 'try again', that their marriage was just too important to him for them to throw it away. However, most importantly that it was never to be spoken of again, and she made Buffy swear that she would never talk to him about it, or ever mention it.  
  
Buffy had accepted this, especially when one-year later Lily had announced that they were going to try to start a family. The year of trying, and discovering Lily's infertility, had been hard on the couple, or so Buffy had thought, so she never had spoken to Lily or Spike about what had happened that day ever again. Until now.....  
  
".....She said that you'd forgiven her, and that it was over. That the baby was like a new beginning for you both. That's one of the reasons I offered, because I thought that it would be such a great thing for you both....." Buffy's voice faded into the background for Spike, as the truth surfaced.  
  
"I didn't know. She lied to me!" Spike turned to her, "You should have told me! It's just as good as holding back the truth!"  
  
"She promised me that she'd told you! She's my sister for gods sake, I had to believe her! I just had to!"  
  
"Bloody fucking hell!!"  
  
"Spike please!"  
  
"Please what? Don't be angry! Don't be sad! Tell me what I'm meant to feel Buffy, go on tell me!" Spike began to pace the living room, "Do you think that I'm an unfeeling git, or something!"  
  
"No!" Buffy shouted her denial.  
  
"Then what!"  
  
"I don't know?"  
  
"Why tell me now, after all this time?" Spike stopped and stared at her, "Why?"  
  
"I don't know?"  
  
"Do you think...?" Spike looked at her more intensely, "Do you think she's done it again?" He took a step in her direction, and took her silence as an answer, "Has she Buffy? Has she been seeing him again? Or someone else?"  
  
"No!..............I don't know!................I swear that I don't know!' Buffy looked straight into his eyes, "Do you think I'd allow myself to get pregnant if I suspected that she was! Do you take me for a fool?"  
  
The tables were turned; Buffy began to become angry about his line of questioning, and innuendo that she knew something. She took her cup into her hand, and stood up, moving in the direction of the kitchen, Spike's hand shot out, and halted her progress. He took several deep breaths trying to calm himself down. He tried not to doubt her words, but they did ring true about one thing, she wasn't a fool, and wouldn't have gone through with every procedure, if she suspected that something was wrong between the couple.  
  
"I'm sorry Buffy! I believe you." Spike looked intently at her, with a sigh he conceded, "I'm sorry that I doubted you. But do you think that she's run off with someone?"  
  
"I don't know. I'm sorry Spike, but I just don't know." Buffy looked at him, he looked so lonely at this moment in time, "I don't think I know my own sister after this."  
  
"Just like I don't think that I know my own wife." Spike let her arm go, and went back into the hallway and onto the staircase. Going up the steps, all manner of thoughts crossed his mind; he just did not want to believe any of them. That is loving wife would have slept with a mate of his, it was just too horrible to believe, deciding his next move he went into the office and picked up his mobile phone. Dialling Liam's number he got a 'this phone has been disconnected message', throwing the phone against the wall, he picked up the handset of the phone that sat on the desk, he dialled Liam's home number and got the same thing. Slowly he dialled one last number.......  
  
'Hello, can I speak to Liam James, please?" A long silence followed, "When?" Another pause, "Where?"  
  
Buffy heard another loud crash as she sat in the kitchen below, she guessed that he'd thrown something in anger, she heard the soft muffles of his voice down below, and figured that they would have to buy a new phone. The next set of words she didn't miss, as Spike yelled out a series of profanities that would make anyone's hair curl, which was quickly followed by the slamming of the study door, and the loud thumping of his feet on the staircase.  
  
"The bloody bitch......they've gone! They've both gone!" Spike stood in front of her.  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Who the fuck do you think, Santa and the Tooth Fairy!" Spike grabbed the end of the kitchen island in front of him, his hands went white from the pressure he was forcing onto the wood, "He's gone! He resigned and left without severance pay, both his phones are cut off, and his darling secretary says that he's in England. So I guess that answer's my question, and answers your doubt!"  
  
"Maybe....maybe it's just a coincidence." Buffy spoke, but had misgivings about the words she had just uttered.  
  
"Like hell it is!" Spike turned to Buffy, "I don't like being played for a fool Buffy!"  
  
"I never said you were!"  
  
"I know! But this just makes things a little easier!"  
  
"What do you mean?" Fear resinated through Buffy's voice, frightened that because of what her sister may have done Spike might just do the unthinkable, and decide that he couldn't cope with any connection with her sister. Which meant, he would not want her anywhere near the baby.  
  
"A divorce for adultery!" 


	5. Truth In Revelation

Thanks once again to my beta readers Darcy and Kirsty.....Summer's too far away!!!  
  
~~~Chapter Five~~~  
  
~~Truth in Revelation~~  
  
Spike sat at the front of the large glass conference table in his practice, he listened to the trade negotiations of the two large companies he represented. He didn't really listen to the people around him as they ranted and raved over each other, trying to forge the deal that was here to be constructed. His mind wandered back to 'home', and the situation with Buffy. They had in a strange way resolved some of their conflicting interests, the conversation about Lily had only been the beginning. They had come to agree that Spike could be involved in every aspect of the pregnancy and impeding arrival of their child. Somehow he had even gotten her to agree to allow him to come to her prenatal classes, and any investigation she may need for the pregnancy. That was something he was really looking forward to, as in a few weeks he would be able to actually 'see' the baby. Buffy had consented to him paying for a special ultrasound that would give them a 3-D image of the child.  
  
So lost in his thoughts, he didn't notice his secretary duck her head around the door that led to the conference room from his office, or her drastic attempts and frantic waves to catch his attention. She had no option, as the people around the table began to mumble to themselves and each other that Spike apparently had his 'head in the clouds'. Opening the door, she walked in with an "Excuse me", moving straight towards her boss, she leant in and whispered something to him. He immediately stood, buttoned his suit jacket and walked to the door. He turned to look at the people in front of him, and not even saying a word he closed the door behind him.  
  
In his office sat a young man clutching a briefcase, he was nervously playing with its handle. Spike could tell he was extremely uncomfortable being in the office, as it imposed the importance of the owner onto the visitor. Moving to the desk, Spike himself sat, as his visitor stood and attempted to greet him. He plainly rejected the greeting, making the man even more uncomfortable. Taking a pen in hand, Spike mentally summed up the young man, he could smell the fear running off him. He had no 'balls' at all, as Spike would put it.  
  
"What do you want?" Spike's request was simple and straight to the point.  
  
"Ummmmm...I.um", he fumbled to open his briefcase to retrieve some papers, predictably, with his state of being, he dropped most of the content of his papers onto the floor, "Sorry....sorry".  
  
"Just pick up your papers, tell me what you want, and get the fuck out!"  
  
His visitor was a bit taken back by Spike's use of language, not once that he'd been in his presence before had he heard him swear, he'd always been the perfect gentleman. Spike looked like he was about to bite the mans head off. Moving as quickly as he could, he picked up the papers and dumped them on the table. He arranged them into as neat pile as he could, then handed Spike the top few papers. Looking at them, he immediately understood what he was holding in his hands. He threw them straight back onto his desk, barely glancing at them. A small smirk filled his face, as he began to swing slowly in his office chair.  
  
"So Warren sent you to do his dirty work?" Spike questioned the man before him, "Not man enough to face me?"  
  
"Mr Freemantle, I am just doing my job, okay!" Finally he spoke, his voice broken with his obvious discomfort.  
  
"So Andrew, explain it to me. What exactly is your job? Lackey boy?"  
  
"Well usually I just handle the easy stuff, you know like conveyancing....things like.." Andrew stopped as he thought he heard a very quiet "stupid wanker".  
  
"Well today it's messenger boy!" Spike leant over and looked ominously over the desk at his guest, "Tell your boss, that the message has been received, and it will be a cold day in hell that she gets anything!"  
  
"But you haven't even looked at the papers!"  
  
"I don't have to, you git!" Spike picked up the top paper, "I bloody well know what this paper is, I can read you moron!" Spike hurled the paper back at him. Andrew could not but read the 'Notice of Legal Separation, and Notification of Impending Divorce', spelt out on the forms, "You've done your job, now get out!"  
  
"I'm just doing my job, Mr Freemantle! You will be hearing more from us, I am sure!"  
  
"Don't make idle threats to me that you cannot back up!" Spike spoke in harsh tones, "And tell your client to contact her sister, she has some news to share."  
  
"News?"  
  
"Yes! Happy news. But then that depends on what your client will think as happy." Spike got up out of his chair.  
  
Taking the hint, Andrew quickly removed himself from the room. Sitting down again, Spike picked up his phone and dialled the number of the best damn divorce lawyer in town. He was not about to let Lily get off scott free, and take everything that he'd worked for. He read the list of her demands that now lay in his other hand. She had just about demanded everything that they owned from the house, down to the damn silverwear, she might have as well have asked for his soul. He was not about give her everything, not after what she'd put him, and Buffy through.  
  
Thinking of Buffy, he just wondered how she was going to react to the news of her sister filing for divorce. Deep down he hoped that she would in someway support him. Fate had dealt him some bad hands lately, but Buffy and the baby had been the only pleasant thing in his life. It had given him a reason not to fall apart, as much as he wanted to just crawl somewhere, and disappear for a while. He knew that he couldn't, he had responsibilities now to people who mattered in his life.  
  
He frowned at the trail of his thoughts, he'd never would have even considered this situation at all, it was so contradictory that it just seemed inconceivable. Yet conceivable it was, especially the life that lay in Buffy, and he couldn't just separate the two. In a way they had become so entwined in his life and future, it was hard to think of one without the other, or his future without either of them. He picked up the legal papers again, still waiting on the phone for someone to pick it up, he finally realised that yes he'd be contemplating what was going on, but in fact he'd actually had something even deeper.........  
  
A revelation.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Buffy sat in a café across town with her best friends since childhood, drinking coffee and making small talk. Willow, Tara and Xander talked about life and their latest happenings, but still Buffy remained quiet amongst them, just watching and listening. She contemplated telling them what was going on, as the obvious truth would make itself apparent in a few weeks or more. Buffy knew that her friends would support her no matter what, but it niggled at her that she knew that they probably wouldn't understand what, or why she had done what she'd done. Being a surrogate in the first place, after what had happened, or deciding to keep the baby. Trying to explain what was going on with Spike just made her feel ill, she didn't know if she could stand what they might say about that.  
  
However, holding back would get her nowhere, telling them later would only put off the inevitable, and probably make things more complicated than they are. She knew that they would probably be hurt she hadn't even told them anything from the beginning, but she'd had her reasons and what they were she just wasn't ready to share. Looking at her friends, she silently summed up what each would probably think, Willow and Tara would probably be happy for her, considering that they both were a couple and could understand the need to have an unconventional pregnancy to have a child.  
  
Now Xander would be another thing all together, ever since they were kids he'd never really let go of the hope that they would get together, as much as Buffy had put him off the idea, it had never really sunk in. If the truth didn't then nothing would. Buffy smiled with this idea, her friends stopped their conversation as a small laugh erupted from her. They looked quizzically at her, Buffy stifled anymore laughter and had a quick sip of her tea and took a deep breath. With some courage, she looked at each of them, and decided to get on with the task.  
  
"Okay folks time for a little newsflash." Buffy tried to make light of the situation that would surely erupt.  
  
"News Flash Buff?" Xander spoke first, "What get a new job, promotion or man?"  
  
"Xander!" Both Tara and Willow spoke at the same time.  
  
"No, no and no." Buffy nervously played with her cup, "Ummmm a bit bigger piece of news than that."  
  
"What then?" Willow excitedly asked her friend, she had noticed Buffy's lack of enthusiasm for anything lately, "Come on I'm dying to know!"  
  
"Umm okay", Buffy hesitated to tell her friends, she could feel their anticipation build up, "How do I tell you guys?.........Um.....okay...um......I'm pregnant"  
  
"Pregnant!" All three spoke together this time, united in being dumbfounded.  
  
"Yep, as in with child, up the duff and knocked up!" Buffy laughed half heartily.  
  
All three just sat there, it was the last thing that they expected their friend to say. Buffy usually lived a very quiet life with no sudden surprises, like the one she'd just presented them with. Willow and Tara just looked at each other, and Xander just looked at his coffee, Buffy watched on, as they struggled to find something to say.  
  
"Who's the father?" Xander asked quietly.  
  
Buffy was stunned for a moment with the question, she began to have second thoughts about telling her friends those details. Even with the cat out of the bag, metaphorically speaking, she felt the sudden urge to clam up, and not say anything. Xander let out an 'ouch' as Willow kicked her friend under the table, and side stared at him to keep silent.  
  
"It's okay Willow! You guys were bound to find out anyway...but you need to understand that it's not what it seems. It's very complicated, and there is a lot you don't know, so don't get on you high horse till I get the facts all out, okay!"  
  
"Hey Buffy, not all 'judgy' here!" Xander back peddled quickly.  
  
"Yeah Buffy, no judgement passed! Juries still in!" Willow tried to reassure her friend.  
  
"Let's just say it keeps it in the family." Buffy tried to keep her composure, "It's Spike's"  
  
"What!!" Xander exploded knocking his coffee cup over, its contents going all over the table in different directions.  
  
"Oh my god!" Willow's look of disappointment was written all over her face.  
  
"It's not what you guys think!" Buffy tried to tell them.  
  
"What isn't Buffy! You're pregnant by your sister's husband!" Xander tried to comprehend the thought, she could see the distain on his face, "I think it's called cheating, not pregnancy!"  
  
"You think that I'm capable of that!" Buffy's angry voice filled the air.  
  
"Well it wasn't an immaculate conception, was it?" Xander sarcastically asked.  
  
"No Xander, it actually was an insemination!" Buffy threw back at him.  
  
"Are you that desperate for a child that you had that done to you?" Xander accused her, "With your own brother in law? What's that Buffy? Wasn't an anonymous donor good enough? You could have asked me!"  
  
"This has nothing to do with me having a child Xander! This was for Lily and Spike! You half brain! This was me being a surrogate for them!"  
  
The 'ohh's' and 'awwhs' signalled that it was finally getting through to the group what Buffy was trying to tell them. Especially from the girls, Buffy had always told them what had been happening with Lily's infertility problems, but Xander had never been interested so never paid much attention, until now. He quickly settled down, apparently happy with the explanation, and tried to begin to clean up his mess of coffee. Buffy tried to reason with herself about not telling them the rest, but couldn't come up with a good enough rationale not to continue.  
  
"Guys, there's more." Buffy quietly continued, "Lily and Spike have split."  
  
The 'oh my god' returned, as Xander remained silent over Buffy's revelation, it was just too incredible for them to comprehend. Buffy proceeded to tell them the truth about what had happened, from Lily leaving, her letter to both her and Spike, to Spike taking up residence in her house.  
  
"Do you think that's wise Buffy?" Tara asked her friend.  
  
"What other choice did I have? He's part of this child's life."  
  
"This is just too weird Buffy!" Xander had to put his two cents in.  
  
"Maybe, but it's the way things are, and it's the best thing we could think of." Buffy tried to explain, "Xander, I know you care, but it's my life and this way I have some control over it."  
  
"How can you have control over it with that man in your house?" Xander pushed the boundaries even further.  
  
"It's none of you business Xander! This is up to me and Spike! If you cannot live with that, it's been nice knowing you!" Buffy made herself clear to her friends she hoped, that she wouldn't accept any interference from them, she could only hope they would come to support her.  
  
"Okay I hear you!" Xander backed down.  
  
"I need you guys to be with me on this one!" Buffy pleaded with them, "It's hard enough, can't you just accept things the way they are, and just be there for me when I need you?"  
  
All three just looked at each other again, each remained quiet as they tried not to air their conflicting resolve about the matter. They could at least agree that they would be there for her, if and when she needed them. Buffy could still feel the shock and uncertainty hanging heavily in the air. Not wanting to continue this discussion, she stood and said her farewells, leaving her friends to digest the news.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Buffy came home to find Spike sitting on the sofa, with papers spread all over her coffee table, she could tell by looking at him that something was deeply troubling him. Putting her bag in the hallway, she went to the kitchen to put on the kettle. She asked him did he want a coffee, or 'something', and with a tart reply of 'no', she made herself a cup. '~well someone's got the poops~' Buffy thought to herself. She took her drink into the living room and sat on the sofa opposite the T.V. Spike looked up from his papers, with a 'do you mind!' look on his face, trying to dissuade Buffy from even contemplating turning on the television, not amused Buffy threw the remote onto the sofa by her side.  
  
"What's bothering you!?!"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"Nothing sounds interesting." Moving around to his side of the living room Buffy put her cup down, and scanned the papers in front of him, Spike immediately began to pile the papers together, "Don't."  
  
Taking the papers from his hand she looked at the top sheet, she could see that it was something about 'Legal Separation and Notice of Impending Divorce', it was clear what the papers were about. Flicking through the others Buffy caught her breath as she spotted the Surrogate Contract amongst them. She felt her chest tighten in anticipation, as her heart rate sped up with the adrenaline rushing into her blood stream, she gasped holding her breath.  
  
"So Lily filed for separation?"  
  
"So it would seem."  
  
"Is Lily the only one in need of a lawyer?" Buffy separated the two papers, holding up the contract she had come to despise, "Can you recommend anyone?" Buffy laughed at the irony.  
  
"Buffy!"  
  
"Well Spike do I?"  
  
"No Buffy, you don't." Spike moved the paper out of her hand, and placed it back onto the coffee table, "You have no reason to. I promise you."  
  
"So.......' Buffy was unsure what to say next.  
  
'In other words sweetheart, you have no reason to worry Luv. We agreed that we'd both be here for the baby."  
  
"Did we?" Buffy looked confused, "When?"  
  
"The first night. Don't you remember?"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Then be assured Buffy, no one's going to take the baby from you......no one!" Spike guaranteed her.  
  
'I don't understand?" Buffy looked absolutely lost.  
  
"Then understand this Buffy, it doesn't matter how the baby was made, no one will take him, or her from you. Like you said you're their mother. I won't take the baby from you."  
  
"But you still have the contract! Who's going to say that you won't change your mind once the baby's here!"  
  
"Look I said I won't!"  
  
'Maybe I should see a lawyer." Buffy's voice lacked the confidence his had, she just didn't know if he'd keep his word to her.  
  
"Not necessary Luv!"  
  
Spike shuffled through the paper's until he came to a purple folder, with the name 'Summers' on it, taking out another bunch of papers he put them in front of her. Taking the hint Buffy looked over them to discover that Spike had indeed meant what he said, the papers stated that he would waver the previous document, and that they would share parental rights between the two of them, being the biological parents. Yet one factor was left out, she could believe that he hadn't thought about it, the obvious of course being Lily. She had signed the papers stating that she would accept parental rights to the baby.  
  
"What about Lily?"  
  
"She has no rights luv."  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"No." Spike was so quiet in his response, that Buffy felt herself shatter into a million pieces, "But I've sent her copies of this Buffy, she will sign them, I know that she will!"  
  
"How can you be sure?"  
  
"Because, she doesn't want anything to do with either of us, and especially the baby. I'm sorry to be blunt Luv, but she said as much in both our letters. She told you to get rid of it! "  
  
"I know, but....."  
  
"No buts!" Spike looked at her directly into her gaze, "Buffy I need a copy of your letter."  
  
"Why?" Buffy looked suspiciously at him.  
  
"Ammunition."  
  
"No!"  
  
"Buffy I need that letter!!" Spike almost began to plead with her  
  
"No Spike! I can't she's my sister for god's sake!"  
  
"Buffy I want the letter just in case!"  
  
"Of what? You not getting a quick enough divorce!" Buffy spat at him  
  
"No, stopping her from taking action against you or me for parental rights and visitation!" Spike bellowed, but quickly looked away as he continued, "But yes, if I have to use it in the divorce I will!"  
  
"I don't know Spike, I just don't know?"  
  
"I do understand Buffy, but you have to understand that I will protect everything that is mine! Including this baby! Lily gave up that when she left!' Spike stood up and extended his hand as he looked down at her, "I'm offering you that same protection now, with a promise that we will work this out Buffy, but you have to trust me. You have to decide whether we are a united front or not?"  
  
Buffy sat flabbergasted at his little speech; he'd thrown down the gauntlet, and made his intentions clear. He wanted her loyalty and trust, at the cost of her possibly giving him what he needed to crucify her own sister in her divorce. Conflicting emotion rushed through her mind, despite his words of a united front, she never felt so alone in her life. Everything had come to this point. It was like walking to the edge of the cliff and being told there is a bridge in front of you, you cannot see the bridge, but you're being asked to step onto it, and maybe fall to your death. Uncertainty flooded her every cell, she was scared to make a choice, and she just had to go with her instinct as she made her decision.  
  
Reaching out she took his hand, she had made her choice, just as he had made his. 


	6. Baby Pictures

~~~Chapter Six~~~  
  
~~Baby Pictures~~  
  
Six weeks had passed since Buffy had made her allegiance with him, she still had yet to hear from Lily. Not one word. Not one line. Total silence. This only served to give Buffy more strength to believe, that she'd made the right choice about Spike. He was everything that he promised he would be, and more. Spike was so protective of her, that sometimes she just wanted to punch him in the nose. He'd make sure that she didn't carry anything too heavy, run to the store when she had 3am cravings, and hold her when she cried during silly sad commercials. She didn't really mind when she cried from the hormones, actually she found it quite soothing, and would sometimes continue to fake it, just to keep him holding her. She knew that it was a mean thing to do, but she loved to feel some human comfort, even if just for a while.  
  
It gave Spike a warm fuzzy feeling to be at someone's disposal, especially somebody that had become such a good friend, over the last few months. He'd seen Buffy's fragile side, a woman he'd always considered an extremely strong person. Buffy, in all the time he'd known her, had never backed away from anything. So he knew when she'd accepted his hand, she'd given some of herself over to him in trusting surrender, just as he had to her. He'd given her back the rights to her child, and in return given her some power over him. To meet her in the common ground, in which they now found themselves.  
  
He didn't mind that this meant carrying every damn heavy object that Buffy came into contact with, answering her call at 3am to get that whatever the craving of the night was, and he really didn't mind just gently holding her when she cried at the television. Sometimes he would just put his arm around her shoulder and let her cry it out, and other times he would pull her to lay with her back on his chest, as they sat on the sofa. He would grab one of his forever available tissues, and hand it to her, sometimes wiping the tears away himself. This act had given him a closeness to her that was totally unexpected, sometimes he would just close his eyes imagining that.  
  
He would always stop himself, too frightened to go there, too frightened to see where his imagination would take him. Yet this never stopped his curiosity getting the better of him one night, as Buffy began her tears, he gathered her up into the sofa, resting one hand on the arm and the other around her shoulder. Spike looked down at a teary Buffy, sitting in her yoga pants and t-shirt. They'd become the most comfortable thing she owned, she began showing her pregnancy. He could see the slight bulge of her pregnancy through her clothes. To him she looked bloody gorgeous in sackcloth at the present moment.  
  
"Buffy?"  
  
"I'm sorry Spike, I can't help it!"  
  
"It's not that luv. Can I ask you something? You can say no."  
  
"To what?"  
  
"Can..can I feel the baby?"  
  
"No Spike, I can't feel the baby yet."  
  
"No, I mean can I feel the baby?"  
  
Buffy laughed through her tears, she hadn't really understood what on earth he was talking about, until she felt the slow and deliberate movent of his hand from the sofa, as it came to land softly over her abdomen. Taking a sudden deep breath, she pulled her head back to see his gaze stuck onto her stomach, finally it dawned on her what he meant! She placed her own hand over his and allowed him to feel her 'bump', as she called it, knowing it would probably mean a lot to him. She pulled up her t-shirt slightly, and let their joined hands search the raised abdomen. Buffy could hear and feel Spike's surprise at the turn of events, his hand glided over her warm flesh and the life that lay below it, the sharp intake of breath, and slight tremble in his hand gave him away. They just lay there together in a quiet moment, enjoying the feeling of tranquillity that flowed through and around them.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Buffy made her way around the kitchen making herself breakfast the next day, Spike sat at the breakfast nook on a stool, with a scowl on his face looking over a package that had been delivered the day before. One that he'd deliberately ignored, not wanting to deal with the contents yesterday, his day at the office had been busy enough. It was a rather large package from Lily's lawyers'; he guessed that further demand documents and hopefully the waver to the surrogacy contract were in it.  
  
Buffy watched him, as he tore the package open and pulled out its contents onto the counter top, it seemed to contain numerous legal papers. Which didn't surprise her, but what caught her eye was the single letter that fell from the documents. It was yellow, the exact colour that Lily favoured, before she could react, Spike picked up the letter and read the front. Letting out a loud sigh, he turned towards her and put out his hand with the letter in it. Looking at the worried expression that covered his face, she took the letter from him, turning it over she saw it was addressed to her, in Lily's hand writing.  
  
Unsure what to do, she just stood for a moment, not certain whether to open the letter in front of him, or seek the sanctuary of the living room. Spike went back to the papers in front of him, averting his attention to his divorce papers. Taking this as a cue she walked into the living room and sat down. It was rather ironic to receive this letter today of all days, especially as it was the day that she'd have her first ultrasound scan of the baby. They'd decided to put the scan off as much as they could, as Buffy had promised Spike she would have the newer 3-D image scan of the baby, so they could get a better image/model of the life that lay within her.  
  
Sitting for what seemed an eternity, Buffy finally opened the letter with a slight shake in her hand. She'd dreaded any type of communication with her sister now, especially since she'd made some kind of ties with Spike, she just didn't really want to know anything anymore that was related to her sister. Buffy wanted things to stay like they were now. She felt cared for and protected, something her sister could destroy with a single stroke of a pen.  
  
Opening the letter, she read.  
  
Buffy,  
I got the 'happy news' message from my legal people, and I suppose that means you are pregnant, and with the message coming via Spike, I guess you've decided to keep it. I must say the giveaway was the 'Waiver of Parental Rights'. I haven't signed it Buffy, I'm sorry but my lawyer tells me not to, so I won't until he says. Please don't think I'm being a bitch, but I'm doing it on his say so.  
  
I know that I never called like I said I would, but it was on my lawyer's orders once again, and maybe I might have made that decision anyway. I suppose that it's probably obvious that I have left with Liam, and moved back to England, and here I will stay. Grandmother has let me stay in her London townhouse, so at least I have a roof over my head. Life has been hard for the last few months, trying to find a job, and as you can guess deciding to go through with the divorce.  
  
I'm sorry that you are caught in the middle Buffy, but it's the way it has to be. I deserve something in this divorce, and it might just get ugly. If I know Spike right he'll try and butter you up, say all the right words, do all the right things, but there is always a motive to what he does. I know that I look like the bitch now but just be careful Buffy, he'll manipulate you, and do anything to get what he wants. He can be a monster sometimes, so tread carefully or you could lose everything.  
  
All I can really suggest Buffy, is that you get independent counsel, and stay low for a little while until this divorce is over. I can suggest the firm I'm using, they seem able in their job, maybe they might give us a family discount.  
  
Love Always  
  
Lily  
  
Buffy sat and contemplated the contents of the letter, she ran the last few months through her mind. It was clear to her that Lily intended to use the surrogate contract against Spike, to get what she wanted. She'd hold it over his head until she got just that, everything. It hurt that she intended to use it against him in their divorce, and that Buffy was being used in Lily's grab for cash. Buffy understood the message about how Spike would use all his charm, and everything at his disposal to get what he wanted, especially the baby. Lily had made that abundantly clear.  
  
She didn't want to believe that everything he'd done over the last few months, had been done with a motive behind it. Spike did want to play an active part in the life of her child, and he'd demonstrated in her eyes that he could be trusted. Yet with Lily she wasn't so sure, Buffy was seeing a side to her sister that she never knew existed. She would have thought that Lily would have just signed the waiver, allowing Buffy to take control of the situation with the baby. Lily had made it so clear that she didn't want the baby, but was willing to use it as a tool to get what she wanted. Keeping that in mind, she walked back into the kitchen and handed the letter over to Spike.  
  
Quickly Spike read the letter and handed it back to Buffy, shaking his head, he went back to reading the documents in front of him, not uttering a single syllable. Glancing at the paperwork, she could see the lawyer's letter of her demands, and it would appear that she wanted a lot for her to grant him a divorce. It angered Buffy, that Lily would use her own sister in her battle for ownership of their combined belongings; she knew that Spike had brought a lot of it into the marriage. With that anger deeply embedded into her brain, she thrust the letter back in front of him, and dropped it before him.  
  
"Take it!"  
  
"Buffy, do you understand what you're doing?"  
  
"I'm fighting for what belongs to me! She isn't going to take my child, or use it as a pawn in this divorce case. This should be between you and her!!! She's decided to make it personal!" Buffy was seething, "You promised to protect us from anything! So do it!"  
  
"So you'll let me act on your behalf, with anything concerning the baby?"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"Buffy....could I use the letter....if..." Spike asked her again, like he had a few weeks earlier, with Lily's initial letter, "Buffy the sooner I can untangle myself from this marriage, the more strength it will give us in the parental rights matter. We need to show everyone that we're together in this, in every way we can."  
  
"I know Spike." Buffy sighed heavily, "Do what you have to do! Just don't drag it out."  
  
"Buffy, I don't want this to drag out either."  
  
Buffy remained silent as Spike picked up the letter and tucked it into his coat pocket, looking at his watch he noted that they still had a few hours until their appointment at the Medical Imaging Centre. He could feel the tension coming off Buffy in ripples, flooding the area around her, knowing that this was not good for her, or the child, he decided to do something about it. Standing up, he packed his briefcase with the documents, then turning to her, he took her hand before leading her to the back door. He locked the door behind him and led her to the garage and the Jeep within. In silence, he opened the passenger door for her, and moved around to the drivers, opening and sitting himself behind the wheel. Buffy still stood outside the passenger door, astonished at being left on the passenger side, considering it was her car.  
  
"Get in." The request was quick and to the point.  
  
Buffy did as he asked. Sitting herself down in the seat she fastened her seat belt, as he gunned the engine into life. Pulling out, he turned towards the main street that led to Sunnydale City Centre. They travelled along the road for a good ten minutes, before Spike pulled over at the local shopping centre. Pulling into a car space close to the entry, he got out and moved around to the passenger side  
  
"What are we doing here?"  
  
"What do you think luv?" Spike smiled at her, "Isn't it a favourite female past-time to shop?"  
  
"For what?"  
  
"Hello, dad here!! What else, but for the baby!" Spike smirked at her, "Buffy the little one will be here before you know it, and you don't have a thing!"  
  
"Yeah, but.."  
  
"No buts Buffy! Our kid needs a bed, clothes, toys, and nappies!"  
  
Taking her hand, Spike led her into the complex, straight into a boutique baby store, and into the furniture department, stopping short in front of the cot displays. Buffy looked around herself surrounded by all the displays, not sure what to do or say. Spike moved slowly around the furniture, pulling cot sides up and down, looking at the craftsmanship of each, she noted not once did he look at the price tags discreetly attached. Buffy on the other hand, picked up one from the cot that stood directly before her, and felt dread come over her, as she looked at the price for the cot alone. Realising that there was no way she could ever afford this one, or any other one for that matter in this store.  
  
She moved over to Spike, who now was looking more closely at what appeared to be an antique looking framed cot, something straight out of a magazine, with its patchwork quilt set, and beautiful mobile. The final addition was a coloured mosquito net that draped from the head of the cot. It was something that she would have loved herself, if she could only have afforded it. Lightly she tugged on his sleeve, trying discreetly to gain his attention away from his looking over the cot.  
  
"Buffy what do you think?"  
  
"It's beautiful, but..."  
  
"Then what do you say we take it?" Spike cut her off, as he watched her look awkwardly around, "Or do you like another one?"  
  
"No, that's not it," Buffy quietly replied, "Spike there is no way I can afford this stuff! This cot costs what I make in three months!"  
  
"Are you politely saying you don't like it?"  
  
"No, you idiot! I'm saying I cannot afford it!" Buffy felt belittled by her predicament, it was fine for him to choose what ever he wanted, but she still had to live within her means.  
  
"Buffy, I'm not asking you to pay for it!" he quietly replied, trying to keep his voice down, "I'm sorry if I didn't make myself clear, but this is my contribution to the baby's things. Well one of them anyway."  
  
"One of them?"  
  
"Buffy, please don't argue with me! This is at least something I can do to make things a little easier for you. If we do this now, then we don't have to worry about it later!"  
  
Buffy let his words sink into her mind, she didn't want him to spend so much on something, that the baby would only need for a few years anyway. Yet as she looked at the cot more, she really began to fall in love with it, and with a little hesitation, she gave in. Picking up the netting that lay on the side bar of the cot, she could imagine the little person that would sleep within it, surrounded by the beauty of the thing that he/she slept in. Spike smile turned into a smirk, as he watched her features soften on her face as she gave into his want to buy it for her. Moving to the other side of the cot, he leaned over picking up the quilt. He was about to ask her something when the sales assistant came over.  
  
"Hello. Can I help you with anything?"  
  
"Ummm well, we're just discussing things," Buffy replied to her first.  
  
"We we're just talking about sheet sets, and things?" Spike laid the quilt back where he found it.  
  
"Well would you like to see our exclusive range? I am sure that you'll find something that you both like for the baby. We sell everything in matching sets, from the pillow cases, bumpers and window curtains."  
  
The woman became totally animated in her delivery of her sales pitch, as she was surely mentally calculating her commission from this sale, "When is your baby due?"  
  
"In about five months," Spike answered the woman.  
  
"Are you just now looking for the baby?" Her look of shock astounded both of them, Buffy quizzically looked at the woman and Spike was just amused, "What about a pram, portable cot, baby seat or two for the cars, change table, high chair, baby bath, baby linen and clothing?"  
  
Buffy opened her eyes wide at the list that the woman was spurting out her mouth, she hadn't really thought about all the things that the baby needed. She knew that it was a sales tactic by the woman, but it was a damn good one to get people to part with more of their money.  
  
'Ahh, no we haven't," Spike looked around the store, mentally calculating what they needed, and it seemed a good idea just to tell the woman to ring up the entire store as a sale, and pack it for delivery, "Does the cot come with other furniture?"  
  
The sales woman turned around and pointed to a change table, cupboard and side table, which she quickly demonstrated to them, showing all the mod cons hidden in the old style furniture. She then navigated them through the store, showing them two prams, baby seats, cot sets and clothing, that would probably cost the earth. By the end of a few hours, she'd given up any thought of buying the things herself, if Spike wanted to spend his money, well then she'd let him! She kind of had a naughty thrill knowing that he was paying way too much for the stuff, but it was his prerogative and she'd have the most beautiful nursery when they were finished. Then so be it, let him pay for it!  
  
The sales woman guided them back to the register and arranged for the ringing up of the sale, taking the credit card that Spike offered her. She even threw in a few other gifts of toys for the baby, considering the small fortune that Spike had just spent in the store. Buffy ran her hand over a soft plush teddy bear, with large sad eyes, and moveable joints, a single tear ran down her face. Spike turned and watched as Buffy's tear slid down. With his thumb, he wiped it away from her cheek, then taking her hand he pulled her away from the counter, and with the other picked up the bag with the toys in it.  
  
"Thank you for shopping with us Mr and Mrs Freemantle," The woman behind the counter spoke up as they began to depart, "I hope that you have a safe delivery, and have a wonderful time with your newborn. If we can help you with anything else, please don't hesitate to come back and ask for me."  
  
Buffy's mouth hit the floor, as she struggled in trying to answer the woman, to correct her about her assumption of them being married. Spike pulled her hand a little harder, as he walked out of the store with a 'thank you', dragging a dumbfounded Buffy behind him. He turned and looked at her as he tilted his head, silently begging her not to reply, and engage in any more conversation with the annoying sales woman. He lifted his other hand, showing her the time, indicating that they needed to get to their appointment. With a silent nod from her, she complied with his wish, and they made their way back to the car, to go see their baby via the wonders of modern technology.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Reaching the medical centre just in time for their appointment, they were quickly ushered into the sonography room. A young woman waited for them as she cleaned the examination bed and made it with fresh linen.  
  
"Mrs Summers?"  
  
"Yes," Spike answered her, before Buffy could, as she watched him stare at the all the contraptions in the room. Buffy guessed that he wasn't really paying much attention to the sonographer just yet, so hadn't really heard what she had said.  
  
"Mrs Summers, behind the curtain you'll find a gown, you can leave your underwear on, thanks. Just come back out when you're ready," She gestured to Spike to take the vacant seat at the side of the exam table, next to one of the many screens that filled the room.  
  
Buffy did as she was asked, moving quickly she placed on the white cotton gown, and with a slight hesitation she moved the curtain aside. Spike turned his head to see her, she seemed a little embarrassed to be seen so bare in front of him. With an encouraging smile, he patted the examination bed that he sat next to with his hand, and with a slight nod of her head she made her way to the bed and sat on the side, waiting for more instructions from the sonographer. The woman in question picked up a sheet from the linen trolley, and asked Buffy to lay down on the bed, taking the sheet, she covered her patient's lower body.  
  
"Okay Buffy, let me introduce myself. I'm Megan, and obviously the sonographer, which means I'll be taking baby's first picture," Megan laughed, "I'm going to be putting a cold gel like substance on your abdomen, then I'll be using this wand like thing with a flat edge to be take the scan, and voila we'll see the baby!"  
  
"Okay," Buffy quietly responded.  
  
"First I'll take the standard 2-D scan, and then later I'll take the 3-D image scan. It's basically the same thing, but a different computer program, okay?"  
  
Megan began to lift the gown away from Buffy's abdomen, holding the sheet in place with her other hand, "So, do Mom and Dad want to know what sex the baby is?"  
  
"No" and "Yes" came out of both of them, Buffy the negative and Spike the positive, Buffy looked at Spike with a furrowed brow, "Okay Buffy, no," Spike conceded to her wish not to know.  
  
"If you guys change your mind you just have to ask your Obstetrician, he'll get all the results anyway," Megan answered as she tucked the gown just under Buffy's bra, and tucked the top of the sheet in her pants, "So Buffy how far along are you?"  
  
"About 16-17 weeks."  
  
"Excellent, thank you."  
  
Taking the gel in her hand, Megan placed a generous amount onto Buffy's stomach, turning towards the ultrasound machine, she turned it on and sat down. She punched Buffy's details into the screen in front of her, and then took the wand and placed it onto her abdomen. A soft rapid 'thud thud' filled the room from the loudspeaker on the ultrasound machine, Buffy looked questioningly at Spike, then at Megan, who was playing around with the dials on the machine.  
  
"Yes, that's your baby's heart beat," Megan watched Buffy, as she still looked gravely concerned, "Baby's hearts beat a lot faster than ours, and it sounds normal."  
  
"Ohh," Buffy quietly spoke.  
  
"Okay let's have a look at bubby," Megan moved the wand around Buffy's abdomen, "Here they are....there's the baby's head....arm.....there's the other hand....the baby's spinal cord...leg and other leg." Even though it was obvious to them what was what, she pointed it out on the screen as she continued with the examination.  
  
Buffy turned her head away from the screen for just a minute to catch a glimpse of Spike, she saw that he was totally engrossed in the picture in front of him. His gaze never moved, and he didn't seem to blink, even once, he was so totally wrapped up in the vision before him. Turning her attention back to the screen, she watched as Megan took other scans, like the diameter of the limbs, and organs of the baby. Buffy felt a warm hand take her own, as the scan continued, gently lacing its fingers with her own, and then giving her hand a gentle squeeze. Buffy returned her attention back to him, looking at him she saw the gratification he felt towards her, as he mouthed the simple words of 'thank you' to her.  
  
"Okay, we're done with the first scan. Time for the 3-D image," Megan spoke to both of them, she changed the wand to another type, and placed more gel on Buffy's abdomen, "Let's get a good picture for mom and dad."  
  
Megan ran the wand over Buffy, and flipped a few switches and turned the dials again, adjusting the image until a clear picture of the baby's head appeared on the screens around them. Spike's fingers tightened around Buffy's hand, as their baby's face appeared; their little facial features clear on the screen. It was a sight that made both of them smile in wonder of the little life that was displayed for them.  
  
Buffy felt herself begin to tear up as she watched the screen, the wave of emotions flooded into her, ones of love, affection and protection. Spike touched the monitor that sat in front of him, and outlined the features of the baby with a single finger. Even though he had no physical connection with the baby, like Buffy, he felt the strong bond that lay deep within him, surface and sweep him away. He turned towards the woman that lay beside him, the feeling of overwhelming gratitude he felt at that moment was indescribable. He lent over and brushed her hair with his hand, she broke her gaze away from the screen as he caught her attention, he gently placed a kiss on her forehead, and returned to his seat.  
  
Megan took the wand off Buffy's abdomen, before cleaning the instrument with a cloth, and handing Buffy a towel to clean up the gel. She placed a disc into the computer consol, and a video tape into a VCR, and hit a few other buttons on the ultrasound machine.  
  
"I'm running off a few copies for you. You'll have a copy of both the scans on CD for your PC, video for the VCR and a few hard copies....ohh sorry, pictures of each scan." Megan stated.  
  
"Pictures?" Buffy replied a little vaguely, the sight of the baby had numbed everything else.  
  
"Yeah, baby's first picture! You can also make an image of the 3-D scan into a desktop, if you have the software, or I could recommend a place that does it," Megan replied.  
  
"No, I should be able to do that," Spike looked at the sonographer, "I'm sure that I'll work it out."  
  
"Buffy you can get changed now, back into your street clothes, you should find a container of Wet Ones, behind the curtain to clean the rest of the goo off," Megan instructed Buffy. Doing as she was asked, Buffy got herself off the bed, and went behind the curtain.  
  
"Mr Summers, here's the CD, video tape and pictures. If you lose any of them let me know, we keep the tape for at least a year," Megan handed him the things.  
  
"Freemantle"  
  
"Oh sorry...Mr Freemantle..my apologies...I just thought..."  
  
"No problem Luv!"  
  
Taking the precious items from her, he got lost within the baby's scans, all time seemed to stop for him, as he admired the little image before him. He never heard Buffy call his name as she tried to get his attention, it wasn't until she tapped him on the shoulder, that it broke his trance like state. Megan moved to open the door to allow the couple to leave, and let the next couple in, she wished them well, and reminded them to go see Dr Singer in a week for the scan results.  
  
They walked out of the building, stopping outside the main doors of the complex, as Spike finally handed Buffy the pictures that he'd been admiring, and she'd had yet to see.  
  
"So which side of the family do you think they'll resemble?" Spike asked Buffy as she studied the picture that she held.  
  
"It's a bit early Spike for that!"  
  
"Well maybe, but if it's a girl, we need her to look like you, and if it's a boy..."  
  
"What? Look like you?" Buffy laughed at him.  
  
"And what's wrong with that! I'm a fine English specimen, thank you!"  
  
"Yes, that's totally conceited and wrapped up in himself!"  
  
"Hah!! Look who's talking!"  
  
"Shut up Spike! Let's just go home, I'm all shopped and scanned out," Buffy pleaded, "I need a shower! Ewww that goo she used is everywhere!"  
  
"Ahh, but you still look pretty!"  
  
"Pretty messy?"  
  
"No, pretty..." For once, he was lost for words.  
  
"Anyway, please let's go home!" Buffy pleaded again, Spike looked once again at the pictures, still stunned by the amazing site.  
  
"Thank you for today. You have no idea how much this means to me." Taking her hand, Spike looked at Buffy. His face broke out into a large grin of happiness.  
  
"I can guess, because it means the world to me," Buffy replied.  
  
"It is my world too Buffy! The baby is everything!" With that Spike did the last thing that Buffy ever imagined, he leant over her, and placed a soft kiss on her lips, it was just a quick brush of his lips on hers, but enough to startle her. "You and the baby are the most important things to me, and never forget it!"  
  
"I won't." A quiet and sombre reply came from Buffy, as Spike led her through the crowds and towards the car park. Her heart raced as it thumped against her ribcage, she knew that it was just a friendly show of emotions, but considering what they just been through, it sent her into a tailspin of confusion and numbness. Just how important they were becoming in his life was beginning to plague her thoughts, she knew that they still had to look beyond the pregnancy, and decide just where they stood in each others worlds. Buffy just didn't know how much or how little he expected her to be a part of his life, and how much she could give up of herself, to let him be a part of hers.  
  
Old memories came to haunt her mind as she continued to walk by his side, memories and feelings that she'd buried along time ago. She never thought that she'd have to face them ever again, but it was evident now that she would have to exorcise her demons, and rid herself of these memories of false hope and .....desire.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N Thanks to Kirsty and Darcy once again for beta reading the fiction!! You guys are the best!! Only five months till summer!! 


	7. Let Chaos Reign Over Me

~~Chapter Seven~~  
  
~~~Let Chaos Reign Over Me ~~~  
  
The next few weeks flew by for Buffy. She was into somewhere between the fifth-sixth month of her pregnancy, her 'bump' became more pronounced with each day that passed, well at least in her mind it did. Each day the little life nestled within her became more of a reality, and something that she began to hold on to in the chaos that was her life. Spike had been more than the perfect gentleman, protector and good friend, but that was it. That was all that lay between them, and it was beginning to bother her to no end. He seemed to be only thinking of the here and now, not the future, and not a day past the arrival of the baby. It seemed to have become his obsession lately; he would make sure that all arrangements for the birth were in place and perfect. That she took all her prenatal vitamins, coffee was banned from the house, with no bad food or drinks lying with 10 feet of the Summers-Freemantle's home. He would not even allow the chocolate that she craved everyday, nothing would persuade him to supply even a piece. He seemed to know when she snuck in a little bit; it was like he had a sixth sense, his radar on, tracking her every move.  
  
The only place she felt total freedom was in the deep recesses of her mind, where old memories came out to haunt her days, and wreak havoc with her dreams. Buffy didn't know whether to blame the pregnancy with all its hormones, or her deep consciousness telling her something that she didn't really want to hear. In the end it all came down to long ago lost feelings that she'd had when she was young and impressionable. Feelings that were wrong and forbidden. She could still feel the rush of adrenaline, the increased heartbeat, and the feelings of desire, they flooded her body every time she remembered. For what seemed the 100th time that day she tried to shake them off, tried to think about something else, her job, the grocery shopping, the washing, anything she could so she didn't think about the baby, because then it always came back to him.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
~First Sight~  
  
Buffy remembered the first time Lily brought him home to meet the family, to impress them with her new boyfriend. Lily had insisted that they go to one of the most expensive restaurants that the town boasted to impress her parents, as he was going to foot the bill therefore showing the great success that he appeared to be, from all Lily's accounts of her mystery man. He also appeared to be very punctual, right on 7pm as the hallway clock chimed the doorbell rang, announcing his arrival. Buffy heard her sister's clear yell of, "I'll get it!" from her bedroom as she put on the last bit of make-up, and flattened her best dress against her small frame. Making her way down the stairs she stopped mid-step on the topflight, her mouth agape staring at the man that stood in the doorway.  
  
He stood not much taller than herself, sporting a dark blue suit, blue shirt with a red tie, and flaming peroxide blond hair. Yet what really caught her eye was the bright azure blue of his eyes, and the cocky grin that lay on his face as he embraced her sister in greeting. The jolt in her system was instantaneous, he moved into the hallway giving her a more clear view of him. She could feel the rush of adrenaline race through her body, jealousy permeated alongside its companion in her bloodstream. Jealously of her sister like she had never felt before. Buffy had been fortunate in her life, never to be jealous of anything that came her sister's way, but today was different. Today she wanted what her sister had, and the sad fact was she knew that she just wouldn't be able to really compete for this man in front of her, only an idiot would be unable to see how besotted he was with Lily.  
  
Begrudgingly she walked down the stairs, and shook the hand of the man that was introduced to her. The same man who didn't give her a second glance as he took the hand of her father, and presented the bunch of flowers he had to her mother. He spoke with an obvious English accent, much to the happiness it would appear, of her father, and had impeccable manners so it would seem. All the family bar Buffy joined in the small talk that surrounded the new member of the group, her parents politely integrated him, yet still he never spoke to the somewhat shy younger daughter. After a short time, he motioned them to move out to the car that waited to take them to dinner. The limo only further impressed her parents, and made Buffy even more jealous, that he would go to such lengths to impress them.  
  
The evening dragged its feet well into the night, Buffy just wanted to escape home and stick her head under her pillow. It was hard to deny the fact that, the more she got to know her sister's boyfriend, the more she could feel her attraction grow and nourish itself within his presence. He was turning out to be every young woman's fantasy, good natured, a great sense of humour, manner, and a divine body to go with it. He even on occasion tried to engage her in conversation, but Buffy couldn't find the words, they stuck to the roof of her mouth, she lost all her usual confidence, which he mistook for a dislike for him, and defiance of her family. Her parents blindly mistook it for insolence and rudeness, which her father would probably have a few words for her later that evening. Yet to her it didn't matter, if it was the only way that she could build up a kind of protective armour, to stop her from making a complete and utter fool of herself, then so be it.  
  
Later on, Lily and Spike's relationship grew out into marriage. Buffy forced the feelings that had surfaced in her life, to the bottom of the abyss of her heart. It had only been 'a simple crush' on her future brother- in-law, one from a young woman yet to experience the real thing, Buffy thought to herself, 'Damn' whom was she deluding. She had been kidding herself then in the past, and it would seem this present moment in time. Her feeling for him had grown like her sister's, but he never saw it, as she hid it so well within herself. Not even her folks had guessed this development in her life.  
  
Over time Buffy learnt not to think of him, she avoided him at family gatherings, at times she was bluntly rude to his face, anything to make him leave her alone. Her family would shake their heads in disapproval at her, still deaf and dumb to their daughter's desires. Buffy eventually began bringing her own boyfriends home for the family to meet, much to the amusement of Spike, who would make it a point to make their lives as uncomfortable as possible. He even scared one or two off, as he thought them not good enough for her, sometimes he would just do it to get under Buffy's skin, revenge for the years of awkwardness that she caused those first few years with Lily. She'd learnt to accept them as a couple a long time ago. For a while, Buffy thought it a pity that he never had any brother's, things may have been different. The early years became easier, as time progressed and in a strange fashion a truce was formed between them, with the deep feelings she felt for him so deeply buried, Buffy had been able to develop a comfortable friendship with her brother-in-law.  
  
Buffy thought she'd left all those forbidden feelings behind her. Until now.  
  
She sat on the sofa evoking long lost thoughts and feelings, she could feel her heart crying out not to be put through it again. Things maybe different now, but her and the baby were at their most vulnerable. Nothing had been settled between Lily and Spike, despite the divorce being in motion, Buffy knew that there may never be a chance, of any type of feelings or advances from her, would ever be reciprocated. It was unrealistic to even consider that he may ever. Yet that little voice in the back of her head kept telling her evil thoughts, that 'he was free now', and 'what do you have to lose?'  
  
What did she have to lose? She had everything.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Spike arrived home that night to find Buffy in the kitchen preparing the evening meal, 'bugger' he thought to himself, he knew that he should have called her. "Buffy, don't worry about me for dinner. I won't be here."  
  
"Oh, what a business meeting?"  
  
"Um, kind of."  
  
"Kind of?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm taking a new client out to dinner."  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Harm Kendall."  
  
"I haven't heard of him. I don't think you've mentioned him before.'  
  
"Her."  
  
"A her?" Buffy stopped chopping the vegetables in front of her, "Oh a her. But not a date?"  
  
"Well I suppose it is, I guess."  
  
"A date."  
  
"Yes, a date."  
  
"A date." Buffy moved away from the bench, she put the knife down and walked into the lounge room to sit on the sofa. Her mood just hit rock bottom, after such a topsy-turvy day, this was the last thing she wanted to hear. Spike followed her into the lounge room, and sat across from her. "A date."  
  
"Buffy, you're beginning to sound like a broken record."  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"Don't be. I should have called you and let you know, but I had a bitch of a day. I'm sorry."  
  
Buffy began awkwardly to pull at the apron that she wore to protect her clothing; she played with the single thread that was beginning to unwind from the edge of the tie. She looked at it funnily enough like a reflection of her existence now, a thread unwinding itself, destroying the fabric of her being. Spike just watched her, wondering what was going on in her head.  
  
"You don't mind do you?" Spike asked her quietly.  
  
"Why should I mind?"  
  
"Well, I thought with the separation only being a few months ago," Spike sat back more into the sofa. "That you might think that it's too early."  
  
"No."  
  
"Then what Buffy. What's bothering you?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"It can't be nothing?" Spike watched as a pained expression came across her face, the first thing he thought of was the baby, rushing over to her side he slumped himself in front of where she sat. "Is it the baby? Are you in pain? Do you want me to get the car?"  
  
"No!" Buffy pushed her way passed him as she got off the sofa, and walked away back into the kitchen, with Spike following her. "All you care or think about is the damn baby! Well hello!! Human incubator has thoughts and feelings too!"  
  
"Buffy!"  
  
"What!" Buffy screamed at him, "What!"  
  
"I don't understand, Luv? What's wrong with you?"  
  
"You!"  
  
"Me?"  
  
"You!" Buffy had enough; it was time for the course that they were on to change, even if it was only to make sure that they began focusing on their lives beyond the birth of the baby. "All we ever do is talk or live around the birth of the baby! But what about after he or she is born? What then?"  
  
"Why are you bringing this up, Buffy?" Spike sat himself down in one of the stools in the kitchen, "I thought we agreed that we'd each play an active part in the baby's life."  
  
"But how? What's you're bit, huh? Part-time dad, coming to see his child on the weekends, nominated by a legal agreement?" Buffy exploded, "And me? What about me? Full-time mom to our child, running my life around yours! While you work and play? I don't think so!"  
  
Spike was dumbfounded by her swing in conversation and mood, he thought it must be a pregnancy thing. Nevertheless, she still had a valid point, even if she chose to bring it up this way, he would have hoped that this discussion would have happened at another time and place. Looking at the clock above the doorway, he looked again at the distressed woman that stood before him, he didn't know how to tackle this subject right know, and he didn't know if he really wanted to. The relationship between the two of them up to this point had been perfect, they had been living quite harmoniously and he didn't know if he could say anything that would make it better, or change her mood.  
  
"Buffy, how did we jump from me going out to dinner, to what are we going to do once the baby's born?"  
  
Buffy stood in deathly silence, she couldn't keep smothering her feelings anymore, she had so many unanswered questions floating around in her head, it was hurting so much she ached with it. It had stunned her into the dull quietness that poured from her, he just didn't get it, and she doubted that he ever would. Buffy was concerned about more than the here and now, she wanted a clear direction of where they were going. As hard as it was and as uncomfortable it made her, she needed definition and direction in her life.  
  
"Forget it." Buffy moved out of the kitchen, up the staircase and into her room, slamming the door behind her, leaving Spike to follow her to the bottom of the staircase, scratching his head in wonder about what was going on in her head. Taking the slamming door as a cue, Spike turned and opened the front door, closing it as quietly as he could behind him. He never heard the quick and shallow sobs that just above the top flight of stairs, or the silent tears that fell onto a bunched up pillow, clutched tightly against a face that reflected a mirror of hurt and pain.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Later that night.  
  
Spike sat at the dinner table, absolutely bored out of his brain, as his date blabbered on about something, he took absolutely no interest in what she was saying. He had to admit that this was the worst evening that he'd had out in ages, ~now if Buffy had been here, she wouldn't have been blathering on about~..stopping himself in that thought, he caught himself wishing that he'd stayed at home for the decent conversation he would be getting from her at least. He couldn't help but think and reflect on the conversation and scene that had played itself out before he'd left.  
  
He knew deep down in his gut that he was missing a vital piece of some puzzle, he couldn't put his finger on it, he just knew that something was drastically wrong in the Summers-Freemantle's household. That was obvious considering what had happened in the early part of the evening. Maybe the whole pregnancy deal was creating such a heavy burden for her. Life hadn't been pleasant for him either over the last few days. Hence the thought of rejoining the human race again seemed a pleasant one, when Harm had asked him out. It was proving to be a big mistake, instead of locking himself in his home office, as his usual routine dictated, he had decided to go out with her, to distract him from the chaos that presided over his life at present.  
  
He wondered if he should tell Buffy what had been happening in his life lately, but in a strange way he wanted to protect her, he had been trying to think of their future, nothing like how Buffy had accused him. The truth was that he had yet to untangle himself from the web that Lily had snared him into with the divorce, and because of this, he couldn't really think beyond anything but the present moment. The birth of the baby was the one thing that gave him real joy, and gave him hope for a new day, and hopefully a new life soon, beyond all this mess.  
  
Lily's lawyers appeared to enjoy making his life a living misery, as they continued to try and part him from more of their joint assets and his belongings . It was with some professional pride that he withstood their daily attacks, and refused to budge on some points. In addition they continued their advice that Lily not sign the waiver of paternal rights over the baby, despite the fact that she walked away from this marriage for another man, and did not intend to ever be a part of the baby's life. It was like the blade in a guillotine, that they were willing to threaten him with, and chop his head off if he didn't comply with their demands. It was getting to breaking point, he was willing to give it all away, just to have some peace in his life, and get rid of the bitch.  
  
Spike knew that it could threaten not only the outcome for himself, but more importantly Buffy herself, for if Lily wouldn't sign then Lily could walk in and demand the child. This was something that Spike didn't want, he promised Buffy the right to her child, to bring it up in this world, and he never wanted a woman like Lily to take over  
  
He had to admit to himself that she was right about one thing, they had to make plans about after the birth of the baby, despite the obstacles that she didn't know about. Maybe even if he shielded her from the truth, he could still smooth the path, from the rocky road that they'd found themselves on tonight. A plan of action was needed, with clear definitions of what role they would play in the baby's life and each others. Maybe they could come up with some compromise about everything, to suit each other like living arrangements and time with the baby. Maybe.  
  
The thought of not living at the same house as his child made him cringe, not being there for the baby's first words, or footsteps, and all those other important milestones made him feel sick. The thought that they would probably be reported to him by Buffy over the phone, or recorded on video to be watched later by him, just didn't seem right, he was the kids dad, and should be there for every moment, every millisecond of the baby's life he could be.  
  
"Spikey?" A loud whiney voice interrupted his train of thought. "Are you even listening to me? You're not, are you!"  
  
"I'm sorry Harm, what did you say?"  
  
"What are you thinking so deeply about, Spikey?" Harmony moved around her chair to his side of the table, and laid her hand suggestively over his own, "Maybe about a little fun we could have?" She carped, her bright pink fingernail drew lines up and down his arm.  
  
"I'm sorry Harmony but I was thinking about something important." Spike just wanted to go home and talk to Buffy, to reassure her, and not lose what they had worked so hard to establish.  
  
"Sounds like a naughty boy needs to be taught a lesson!" Harmony continued to move herself more snugly up to him, rubbing her thigh next to his.  
  
"I'm sorry Harm but I have to go home and do something important!" Spike tried to gently untangle himself from her grasp, but she didn't seem to want to give him up just yet.  
  
"What could be more important then little old me and a little fun?" Harmony began to blow in his ear, he tried to pry her off more.  
  
"Look Harm thanks for the offer, but.." Spike ended up physically lifting her hands of him, and moved his chair away from her, which deeply offended his companion.  
  
"Oh my god! Who do you think you are turning me down?" Harmony let out, the saccharine sugary voice gone.  
  
"Harm, I'm sorry but I'm not interested! I have bigger fish to fry than you, and more important things to do than play little games!" Spike quietly told her, with heads beginning to turn in the restaurant; he tried not to make a scene.  
  
"Like who? Do you know who I am?" The real Ms Kendall decided to make an appearance, "I'm a lot of business to your firm Spike and I will not be treated like this!"  
  
"I don't care Harm!" Spike was getting tired of her, "You could be the Queen for all I care! As for any of your business you bring in for the firm. You can shove it!"  
  
"What!"  
  
"I said you can shove it! I will not work for a pompous, primped, self- centred, self-glorifying, stuck up little bitch!" Spike let her have it, he'd had enough of her.  
  
"And I wouldn't want to fuck a stuck up pig like you, William Freemantle!" Harmony let it fly, "You're beneath me!"  
  
"You wish Luv!" Spike stood up, taking out his wallet he made his way to the Hostess's Desk, he took out a wad of cash and gave it to the woman at the desk, apologizing for his behaviour to her. He then turned back to Harmony and said, "That's a stuck up dad-to-be pig, thank you!" Harmony's jaw fall even further, and the hostess's silent clapped her two hands together with glee. He walked to his car and drove himself home, where he finally realised he should be tonight, with his future.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Letting himself in via the back door, he found the kitchen the way that Buffy had left it, with half chopped vegetables on the counter, and cutlery lying on the bench ready to be put out. He found the upstairs light on, and Buffy's bedroom door still closed. He walked up the stairs and down the passage, until he stood in front of her door, he lightly tapped on it and opened it up just a fraction. With no reply he walked in, and sat on the edge of her bed, Buffy lay on her side facing away from him, he watched her take in slow shallow breaths, but still he asked, "Buffy, are you awake Luv?".  
  
"No. Go away!" Came an equally quiet voice from the other side of the bed.  
  
"Buffy, we need to talk."  
  
"I said no." Buffy turned her head a little, her eyes puffy from long ago dried tears, and a lack of sleep. "Please not now. Go away!"  
  
"Tomorrow, Buffy? Tomorrow we have to talk!"  
  
"Okay, tomorrow." With that, Buffy turned her head back into her pillow.  
  
Happy with that, because he knew that he couldn't get anything more from her, and he didn't want to push his luck, he moved off the bed, and towards the door. Taking the handle, he said one last thing, "I'll see you in the morning." He finally felt her despair and pain, as he heard her almost silent reply.  
  
"You never see me, and you never have."  
  
TBC  
  
A/N: Thanks so much to Kirsty and Darcy for editing and beta reading this fic. I am so lucky that I have such great friends.who will rip a fic limb from limb, then put it back together again...lol just kidding ;) 


	8. Second Sight

Chapter Eight  
  
Second Sight  
  
Spike moved away from her door after closing it behind him, he heard every word that she'd said. Every biting vowel, and syllable. He didn't understand it, but the pain in her words came through clearly.  
  
"You never see me, and you never have."  
  
Her words played over and over in his mind, this had to be the missing piece of the puzzle that he'd been grasping to find. The piece that may unlock the complex being that she was, and what was driving her at the moment. The words continued to reverberate through his mind, every rationale and explanation for what she meant bounced around in his skull. Yet it always came rebounding back to the same thing, which he dismissed, as it was just too hard to believe. He continued his way to his room, shaking his head as he closed the door behind him, the darkness of the room surrounded him, as he got ready for bed.  
  
Sliding himself in between the sheets, he looked around the room, shadows formed from the moonlight that rained in from the window. The outline of the room became clearer as his vision adjusted to the darkness, the furniture took shape and he could just make out his shape in the mirror of the dresser. He looked as best he could at the reflection that he projected, every outline and texture of his form. Her words began to ring in his mind again. Maybe it was true, he'd never really seen her, just what he wanted to see. Never the real her, but then again had she ever really let him see the real her. Was she keeping it so deeply bound within herself that he never noticed? The answer screamed itself out in his subconscious, he scrunched his eyes shut, blotting out the world as he turned himself over in the bed, throwing himself over in denial. He refused to acknowledge his mind's answer, 'No don't say it'.  
  
He could feel the walls of his world crumble around him, the truth couldn't be held back anymore. The past came flooding back, her behaviour when they'd first met, the truce when he'd married Lily, and their 'comfortable friendship'. All that time he never noticed anything different about Buffy, she'd been just that, Buffy. Spike tried to remember a word, a motion of her hand, a sign of something, anything that would make some sense of this chaotic mess. He couldn't think of a single thing. 'Don't say it,' ended his train of thought, 'don't say it'.  
  
He turned over to look at himself in the mirror again.  
  
"Say it." The words flowed out of him.  
  
He clutched the sheets between his hands; he couldn't let himself answer. It was just too much for him to face, not only the truth, but also the implications.  
  
"Say it."  
  
Moving himself to the side of the bed, he dangled his legs over the side, and continued to look at his reflection in the mirror.  
  
"Oh god, no!" Spike ran his hands through his hair, "No!"  
  
A wave of emotion ran through him as he finally acknowledged the truth. The truth to why she had probably been shy when they had first met, why she had avoided him and had been rude in the beginning, and had put him at a distance whilst he'd been with Lily. Yet it didn't answer why she had gone through with the surrogacy. That thought plagued his very soul. Why would someone do that? It had to be for Lily, it had to have been. Or had it?  
  
Memories of her being with them time and time again, when Lily had come out of Dr Singer's office with a negative result, went through his mind. He remembered Lily's promise of always 'next time', but 'next time' had never come. He remembered his own devastation, especially the last time. That had nearly been the end of him, and the one time that Buffy had come up and put her arms around him, once Lily had gone into the kitchen to get a coffee for all of them, if his memory served him correctly. In the comfort that she'd offered, he remembered seeing her pain for them, and her words of, "It'll happen, you'll see. If not this way, another. You'll have what you want."  
  
What he wanted so desperately, was a child that he would have done anything for it to happen. Which it had, it had come from her, her gift of the baby to him and Lily. Yet why did Buffy do it? Why? The answer struck him with such a force, that it knocked the wind from him, and caused a great pain to spread through him, that started in his heart.  
  
She'd done it for him. To give him the one thing that he always wanted. . She'd been willing to bury her own deep feelings to give him something that Lily couldn't.  
  
A family.  
  
He covered his face with his hands, they slid down his face in guilt, as the repercussions ran through his mind.  
  
"Oh god, no. No," Spike finally acknowledged the truth. Buffy had done it from some deep emotions that ran through her, he didn't know if he wanted to label them, but he now saw the truth. He could truly see her.  
  
She was in love with him. How could he have been so fucking blind all these years?  
  
A single tear fell down his cheek as he realised the burden he carried, and the conflicting emotions that paralysed his mind, body and soul. What in hell's name was he going to do? Here he lay in her house, in her guest bed, hanging on to every moment he could of her pregnancy, and surrounded by everything that was her. He was drowning in her, every pore and cell of his body was perpetuated with her being, the baby had seen to that, and his desire to be with his child. The only place she wasn't was in his heart.  
  
'Liar!' His mind screamed at him, he couldn't deny the fact that she held a small place in it, especially since he'd found out of her pregnancy, and the day she had taken his hand and accepted his protection. Yet his conscious screamed at him in pain, he didn't know if he could feel the same as her. He felt in some strange way that he'd let her down, and himself, by not seeing the truth earlier. He'd been in love with Lily, and he had been blind to everything else around him. Feeling trapped, he got out of bed and dressed; grabbing his wallet and keys he left his room. He ran out and down the stairs, fleeing the house and every thought that consumed him.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Upstairs Buffy had heard the guest room door slam shut, and the footsteps that followed down the staircase and out of the house. She felt the moisture run down her face, as her silent tears began. Pain filled and overwhelmed her. She grasped her stomach in her hands, as she felt the first little flutter of life move inside her. This only made the tears flow harder and stronger.  
  
He must have heard her words.  
  
She felt totally numb, time seemed suspended, the world seemed to have stopped turning. What had she done? The words had just flown out of her mouth, years of hiding the truth from herself and others had come flooding out of her mouth. Even though it needed to be said, a deep regret filled her, laced with anguish. The implications were too unpredictable, the thought of what Spike was thinking or feeling was too hard to even contemplate. It seemed ironic in someway, one sister glad to see the end of him, and the other holding impossible dreams and desires.  
  
In her mind, she could only see his leaving as a sign of rejection, his intentions clear. He wanted the baby but not her, never her. She wiped the tears away from her face, and climbed out of the bed, making her way to the guest room, she entered and sat on the bed. Looking around she could see his personal effects around the room. For a second, she allowed herself to take it all in, his things in her house, the faint smell of his aftershave in the room, and his favourite leather duster thrown over the wicker chair in the corner. She lifted the duster up, and ran her hand along the leather, with its soft supple texture.  
  
Buffy sat back down on the edge of the bed, and for a few moments, she allowed herself to lie down along its length, to rest, just for a minute. She pulled herself into a ball, hugging the duster to her, and closed her eyes. 'What a mess', Buffy thought, 'What am I going to do?' The situation between her and Spike was spiralling down into dangerous territory, she could feel its darkness begin to envelop her. All she wanted to do was turn back time, and do this all again the right way.  
  
All she wanted to do was sleep, and run away for a while in its unconsciousness. To accept the escape it offered. Just to rest. She just wanted to rest. Still lying on the bed, sheer exhaustion claimed her, and carried her into slumber.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Spike drove around in his car for hours, he ended up in front of his home, well the home that he'd shared with Lily. With a little reluctance he pulled into the driveway, and opened the garage door with the remote, before driving the car into it and coming to a halt. He sat inside the car for a few minutes, gathering his courage he stepped out and walked through to the connecting door to the house. It was flooded in darkness, turning on the light he squinted at the brightness of it, looking around it was the same as he'd left it the night he'd moved into Buffy's. The whisky and glass still sat on the coffee table, the cloth sat beside it. A sad smile came to his face as he saw the stain in the carpet, from the whiskey he'd split when he'd heard Buffy announce her pregnancy on the answering machine.  
  
He went straight into the kitchen and grabbed himself a new glass to finish what he'd started. With a hand on the glass, ready to take it from the shelf, he looked at it and stared straight into it. This wasn't the answer, it would bloody help, but it wasn't going to solve anything, just give him one hell of a headache in the morning. Sitting on the sofa, he poured himself one regardless.  
  
With some irony, he lifted his glass and looked at the contents. "Cheers' Luv", this time it wasn't for his ex, but for her. He downed the burning liquid in one gulp, looking at the glass in his hand, he raised it and hurled it across the room. He watched it shatter into a million pieces against the wall, as the shrapnel sheered itself across the room. .  
  
It was like the beginning all over again, except this time she hadn't run away from him, she'd been waiting for him to notice her, to see her. Quietly and silently, holding whatever she'd felt deep down inside herself. Yet what did he expect her to do, come up to him one day and say, "I know you're married to my sister, but I care about you!"  
  
"Bloody Hell!"  
  
His words broke the silence that surrounded him, and echoed off the empty walls of the house. He looked at the sheer whiteness of the room he sat in; he never really noticed how sterile and uninviting it had really looked. He couldn't help but compare Lily to Buffy, their homes were two completely opposite personalities. Buffy had embraced a country look that was warm and invited you into its depths. Whilst Lily had insisted on the totally white look that demanded extra care, and no messy hands or food spills. It's walls within sterile, uninviting and repelling.  
  
This was the same place that he'd made his decision, the same seat, the same place. This was one of the consequences in his decision he'd made, in walking away from his marriage. One that he would have to live with, and try to resolve, but how he was going to do it was a total mystery to him. He remembered that he had made Buffy an accomplice, he'd made her decide which side she was on in this mess. He knew that she'd given just about everything up to side with him, she'd even risked her family, not that they'd even contacted her in these last few months. He shook with the ramifications of his actions. He'd never even given her family a second thought, the only thing that had been important to him had been the baby, and getting the hell out of his marriage. He'd totally overlooked Buffy's sacrifice.  
  
Once again she'd chosen him, over all the others.  
  
He thought about her family for a moment, they hadn't even bothered to call their daughter, but then again he'd never asked, never even cared to ask, to him they had been unimportant. He could only guess that they knew about the baby and Buffy's defection from her sister. That they were siding with Lily for some reason, he could only guess what she'd told them, probably it was his fault. It was his entire fault.  
  
The memory of offering Buffy his protection only heightened his feelings of guilt, for every step he'd taken in dealing with Buffy, he'd somehow betrayed her. He'd demanded her allegiance, leaving her with nowhere else to turn. He'd used the fear of losing her baby to make her chose him, to force her hand. He'd even told her that he'd look after her rights to the baby and told her not to seek legal counsel. The waves of guilt were beginning to consume him, he had betrayed her even more than Lily had, or anyone else for that matter.  
  
He'd done it for his own protection, and desire to keep the baby close to him, regardless of the outcome. Maybe he'd done this subconsciously, or not, he'd never even considered it, he just done it with out even giving it a second thought. The truth came out and smacked him in the head.  
  
He'd been using her for his own means. Not once had he seen her, the real her. Guilt consumed him, as his heart broke even further.  
  
He did care about her.  
  
More than he should.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Buffy never heard the front door open, or the steps that carried the person up the stairs to her room. She never heard her door open, or the hushed "Buffy?" or the frantic steps throughout the house, as the intruder sought her out. They stopped directly outside the room in which she slept, slowly the door was opened to reveal the sleeping form of the owner of the house. Spike watched her sleep on his bed, with what looked like his duster encased between her arms. The sun was rising slowly through the edges of the curtain, allowing a low light to penetrate the room.  
  
He swallowed hard, trying not to let the guilt he felt rise any further than it was. It was consuming his very soul, making his life feel like an eternal torment now and he didn't need to add anymore to it. What he needed to do was to make it up to her. So much that she would never need know what he'd done, or the guilt that languished him. He'd fix this bloody mess up, he'd make the best he could of it for her.  
  
He'd give her what she wanted, a safe and secure future, no matter what the consequences held for himself. He wanted to make her happy and make her life perfect, he just hoped that she'd allow him to be part of that life. He knew he didn't deserve it.  
  
He had been blind not only to her, but himself. With a even deeper seeded regret, he realised how much he'd come to enjoy her company, enjoy the comfortable life she'd given him, the haven from the mess of his divorce, with the support and trust she'd given him. The sacrifices that she'd made for herself, for the baby, and him were just too many to count. He hoped it wasn't too late to make some amends, and maybe just maybe make a life for themselves with the baby.  
  
He stood stiffly as he realised what he was truly asking of her. He wanted her. All of her. He would take nothing less. The axis upon which his world stood was shifting dramatically, he could only hope that he, that they, could survive the oncoming onslaught. However, that would be up to Buffy. His true future lay in her hands, and if he was really true to himself, his heart as well.  
  
How could he have been so blind?  
  
A/N Thanks to Darcy and Kirsty for their great editing and beta reading..and their opinions. They always answer my call of 'help' or 'what do you think?'.  
  
I would also like to thank Lady Brandywyne for her support and information of legal aspects to this fic.which I have bent every rule.I have no idea about laws etc, and her help has been invaluable and will add a little spice later to the fic. 


	9. Tell Me

Chapter Nine  
  
Tell Me  
  
Thanks to Darcy and Kirsty for Beta reading...wonderful as usual....and great friends too!! Even though I probably never tell them enough!!  
  
Buffy woke, startled as the light hurt her eyes, already sore from the previous nights tears. Within her hands she realized that she still held his duster, only this time it covered her form and encased her within its warmth. She shook slightly with fear at the realization that he hadn't come home, yet the alternative that he may have discovered her in his bed, worried her even more. Quickly she got herself up from the bed, pulled the sheets straight as best she could and left the room. She ran to her room, slammed the door, and dived into the safety of her own bed.  
  
Closing her eyes to the world around her, she felt like a truck had run over her. The nothingness that she'd hoped to find in slumber had never come, only idle dreams of what could have been, and worse the nightmare that followed with him finding out her deepest secret. The secret that she had blurted out for the world to hear, laced with her pain and regret. The sound of his footsteps echoed in her mind, the echo that they'd created as he walked out the door, and the slam of the door, felt like he'd slammed it in on her face.   
  
Buffy's silent reflection was shattered by the clunking of cutlery and plates, that rose from the kitchen below. He was here, in the house. How long had he been here? Had he seen her in his room? Covered with his duster in slumber? Too many questions flowed through her mind, and not enough answers followed.  
  
Slowly getting out of bed, she grabbed her dressing gown, left her room, and went down the stairs, making her way to the kitchen. She found Spike leaning over the stove, cooking what looked like an omelette. He turned his head and his gaze met hers with a big grin across his face. He looked tired, like he'd been up all night and hadn't had a wink of sleep.  
  
"Hungry?" Spike lifted the pan from the stove, leaning it over in her direction. Buffy felt the waves of nausea hit her, she bolted to the downstairs loo, leaning over it she dry retched as she had nothing in her stomach. Spike quickly turned of the element and followed her to the bathroom.  
  
"Sweetheart?" Spike leant over her as she continued to heave. He took a cloth from the towel rack, moistened it with water, and wiped her forehead as she rested her head on her forearm, over the porcelain.  
  
"I'm okay." Buffy moved herself away from the bowl, "Please stop fussing."  
  
"Hey enjoy it while it lasts?"  
  
"Meaning?"  
  
"Meaning what?"  
  
"Answer a question with a question. Typical male!" Buffy stood rebutting any of his attempts at helping her up, it would seem that it was time she got used to doing things herself.  
  
"All I meant was, soon we won't have time to make a fuss over anything. The baby will be taking up all our time." Spike broke out into a soft, smile as he leaned a hand over her stomach, outlining her growing abdomen. "I won't be able to spoil you as much."  
  
Buffy quickly withdrew herself from under his hand, and left him standing in the bathroom. Making her way back into the kitchen, she got herself a glass of ice to suck on; it seemed to help with the nausea, but not her current irritation.  
  
Spike.  
  
"Buffy, are you alright?" Spike asked her.  
  
"Hello! Pregnant!"  
  
"Stating the obvious sweetheart!" Spike went back to the meal he was making, and flipped the omelette onto a plate, taking a knife and fork he sat down at the breakfast bar, and began to eat.  
  
"I might be pregnant Spike, but I'm not stupid!"  
  
"I never said you were!"  
  
"I wonder sometimes about you Spike."  
  
"Hmm good things I hope." Spike waited for her response, it seemed to be coming to crunch time, he could only hope it went well, and the way he wanted it to.  
  
"Good? I'm beginning to wonder about that." Buffy crossed her arms as she stood behind the sink.  
  
Spike dropped his fork, her words reverberated through his skull, he had to think quickly to try and not let this discussion spiral downward. He'd made a decision about the three of them, and now all he had to do was make sure he directed Buffy towards that.  
  
"Yeah Buffy good things, because that's what I need you to think. That all I do is good for you."  
  
"You sound like a cereal commercial Spike. Eat me, I'm good for you, and will keep you regular," Buffy smirked.  
  
"Buffy, all I have is good intentions towards you and the baby." Spike got up and walked around the kitchen island, until he stood in front of her, "You and the baby are the most important things in my life. It may have taken me a little while, but I now realise that you and the baby are my world."   
  
Buffy's mouth opened aghast with what he was saying, she realised that this was what she'd been dying to hear from him for years, her every secret desire realised. Yet something deep down inside was screaming that something was wrong, this was too sudden and a too quick a change of attitude for him. My god he'd been out on a date last night, left the house last night slamming the door behind him, and now stood in front of her all "you are my world". Lily's words in her letter came screaming out at her 'just be careful Buffy, he'll manipulate you, and do anything to get what he wants. He can be a monster sometimes, so tread carefully or you could lose everything'. She felt caught between her deepest desire to give in to what he was saying, and the little voice of caution in the back of her head.  
  
"Your world Spike, what about mine? Don't I have a right to decide just where you fit into all of this?" It would seem that caution had won her over.  
  
"Of course you do, but I thought we agreed to equal input into this."  
  
"Equal. That's laughable Spike. You hold most of the cards, you are the dealer and the banker in this game."  
  
"Buffy this isn't a game!"  
  
"Isn't it?" Buffy shook her head at his response, she couldn't believe in her dreams and feelings anymore, she felt them shatter within to dust, "Sometimes it feels like you're playing a game, and I'm just a pawn in it!"  
  
He flinched at her words, the thoughts from last night came flooding back, a reminder that the truth was that he had been manipulating her, and everything between them, to suit himself and his own agenda. Yet it looked like this pawn was beginning to struggle, to find her place within the maze of their relationship. Buffy was finding her own voice, and reason in this mess, and she had a right to, he just had to make sure that he was part of that voice and reason.  
  
"Buffy you are not a pawn in any game I'm playing, you have to realize that. You mean more to me than that!"  
  
"Well I'm not so sure of that anymore. I'm not sure of anything anymore." Buffy walked away from him. Spike stood in the kitchen, its silence echoing off the walls and deep into him. It would seem that everything he feared was coming true. He was losing the two most important things in his life.  
  
Through his own stupidity and blindness.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
He found her sitting quietly on the sofa, staring into nothingness, lost in a world of her own. Sitting on his knees in front of her, he slowly took hold of her hands, clasping them until they were totally encased in his. He lifted them to meet his lips and gently placed a kiss upon them. Buffy stared through glazed eyes that brimmed with tears. She tried to remove her hands from his, but he applied enough pressure to keep them in his.  
  
"I swear to you, that I only want to do the best I can by you and the baby. I know that it's hard to believe sometimes Buffy, but I do." Spike placed a hand on her chin and brought her face back to his, she turned to look away, wanting to avoid any eye contact. "I'll do anything to prove that to you. Anything Buffy, just name it, and I'll show you that I care about you and the baby!"  
  
Buffy just didn't know what to say, or where to start, the apprehension filled her again, that something was wrong, and most of all the dread that he hadn't been truthful to her filled her with trepidation. The one man that had meant so much in her life, was not telling the truth, holding back information from her, and most of all she was beginning to feel manipulated, that she was being moulded the way he wanted her to be.  
  
"Tell me that you've never lied to me." Buffy put it plainly and simply. "Tell me that I can trust you. Tell me...tell me...."  
  
"What Buffy, what!"  
  
"Tell me that you've never used me."  
  
Spike's mouth hit the floor as he felt the bottom of his world fall from under him, he looked away from her, his hands slipped from hers, as he leaned back onto his haunches. He couldn't reply, the words stuck in his throat. Buffy saw raw emotions flow through his eyes and face, as the truth became obvious. Inside her the man she though he was shattered into a thousand pieces, pain sheared through her heart as it crushed within itself, and her hopes for the future became a mirage that disappeared from view. It left her empty and gutted.  
  
Standing up, she weakly moved past the man that still sat on the floor, she hit her shin on the coffee table, knocking all its contents to the floor. Including the legal papers that he'd put there the night before, to which she'd not paid much attention , but they had her attention now. A bright red file, with, "Summers Affidavit" written across it fell to the floor. Looking back at Spike, she could see that he hadn't moved a muscle, except for the hands that now covered his face in disbelief. Taking the initiative, she picked up the folder and opened it, glancing at the content made her sick to the stomach. She quickly reread the papers, and took in the highlighted areas of the draft document...  
  
'I Buffy Anne Summers, hereby state the following to be a true and accurate statement......'  
  
'I on the...date yet to be determined...did find my sister; Lily Daisy Freemantle with one Liam James, having sexual relations in my apartment, at....addresses needs to be confirmed... Which then Lily Freemantle requested that I keep silent about and refrain from mentioning to the applicant, William Freemantle.'  
  
Further into the paper she felt the bile hit the back of her throat as she took in even more.  
  
'I also declare that the following copies of letters from my sister, Lily Daisy Freemantle, are true copies, and I freely give them to the applicant William Freemantle, in his application for 'Application of Dissolution of Marriage Application Number 16012801' in support of evidence of the above statement.'  
  
Buffy let it slide from her hands, the sound of fluttering papers caught Spike's attention, as he watched the papers fall before him. Getting quickly to his feet, he scrambled his way to stand beside her, he watched as the tears began to slide down her face, the realisation that he had been using her all this time to get what he wanted, the baby. Every word he uttered just a few minutes ago a lie.  
  
All of it a lie.  
  
"You lying, manipulating bastard!" Buffy slapped him hard across the face, "Get out of my house!"  
  
"Buffy please let me explain!" Spike placed a hand to his flaming cheek that held the imprint of her anger and hurt.  
  
"Get the fuck out of my house!" Buffy turned away from him, yet was kept back as his hands shot out and held her in place. "Let me go!"  
  
"NO!" Spike didn't want to let her go, he wanted to make her understand, make her see the truth and see that he'd changed. To see him. "Buffy please let me explain!"  
  
"Spike let me go!"  
  
"I can't Buffy!" Spike drew her to him, she reared her hand up to his chest as she tried to push him away, "I can't give you up!"  
  
"Because of the baby." Buffy pushed harder, "I'm nothing to you without the baby!"  
  
"I know you feel something for me Buffy! I've seen it in your face!" Spike brought his head down to her face as he tried to engage her in a kiss. "I know you feel it!"  
  
Buffy for a few seconds let him kiss her, she felt her heart rejoice in her one time fantasy, but it was empty and lifeless. For those few seconds Spike thought he had a taste of paradise, that she was relenting to him, that she was reflecting his want and need. It was shattered as she, with a quick shove of her hands on his chest pushed him away. He stumbled backwards until he landed on the wall of the living room. She stood before him with tears running down her face, her hands circling her stomach in a protective way, and the rejection clearly written on her face.  
  
Spike slid down the wall, until he came to be sitting on the floor, his face coming to rest in his hands, she could hear the quiet sobs come from deep within him, he eventually lifted his face covered in tears and grief. The contradiction of what her mind was telling her, and what her heart was crying out, was creating such conflict within herself. She didn't know whether to leave him there in his pain, because he deserved it. Her heart told her another story, that this was real and no matter what had happened before now, was telling the truth. He wanted her, needed her and not just because of the baby, yet the little voice in the back of her mind reminded her that, she wouldn't be in this predicament if it wasn't for the baby. He probably would never have looked sideways at her, even if he and Lily had divorced.  
  
The contradiction was pulling her apart, she couldn't believe things had come to this point, numbness filled every cell in her being, and choked her voice, and she couldn't utter a word. She gave in to that feeling as she walked back to the sofa and just sat. She looked out the open window into the glare of the day. She heard him quietly and slowly stand up from the floor, the soft footsteps of his walk until he stood next to the sofa, and the quiet words he spoke, "I'm sorry."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I shouldn't have grabbed you like....."  
  
"That's not what I meant." Buffy looked at him quickly, "Why this? Why now?"  
  
"This?"  
  
"The sudden show of emotions, you're getting what you've always wanted. The baby. Why drag me into it? Why?"  
  
"Because I think that I'm falling in............"  
  
"Don't say it! Don't you dare say it!" Buffy felt the tears rise to her eyes again. "Don't you dare say those words to me!"  
  
"Why? Do you think I'm beneath you too?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Forget it!" Spike exploded, in strides he moved to the front door and opened it. He just stood there trying to walk out, trying to leave, but something held him firm in his place. He couldn't do this a second time, he couldn't give up everything, and walk away, not again. With him being the stupid git that he was, he hadn't realised until it was maybe too late, that Buffy and the baby, were his life and soul. He couldn't give them up for anything or anyone, even as hard as it was going to be, he was willing to give everything up for them, even his pride, and even his soul.  
  
"So you walk out on me again?"  
  
In response to her question Spike shut the door that stood open before him, slamming it on its hinges as he walked back to her. He went and sat on the opposite sofa, but at the other side, he didn't want to scare her off.  
  
"I don't know who you are anymore?" Buffy brought her feet up onto the sofa as she sat sideways. "You're not who I thought you were."  
  
"Was I ever? Or just a fantasy of someone you thought I was."  
  
"I don't know."  
  
Spike took a chance, and moved over to her side of the room again, he carefully moved into the seat next to her. Taking an even greater chance, he had to do something about this situation, it had already spiralled out of control, and he wanted to retrieve something from this mess. Even try to make something come from it. He had to try.  
  
"All I know is that things change. Life changes. We change." Spike took a leap of faith and took her hand. "I am part of that man you think I am, but there's more to me than that."  
  
"I don't think I know who you are anymore." Buffy looked at him with distrust and pain on her face. "I don't know what you want?"  
  
"Buffy I think you know who I am and what I was when this all started." Spike squeezed her hand, "And I think you know what I want."  
  
"The baby!"  
  
"More than that and you know it! Deep down you know it!"  
  
"What? What do you want from me?"  
  
"All of you."  
  
"How do you expect me to believe a word that comes out of your mouth?" Buffy pulled herself away from him. "Every word you use to your own advantage. I don't know if I can believe you anymore."  
  
"Then let me ask you Buffy. What do you want me from me? You wake up today, and everything has changed. I am not the enemy!" Spike was at his wits ends.  
  
"Said the Trojans to the Greeks!"  
  
"Bloody hell, Buffy! What are you after, my blood! I bare myself to you and you walk all over it like it's dirt beneath your feet!"  
  
"Do you just expect me to go all soft and fuzzy, and drop to your feet in adoration?"  
  
"I don't know what to expect, but not this!" Spike stood up and looked at her as she sat on the couch, "Maybe I was hoping we could be together, united and a family!"  
  
"That's what it always come down to Spike, doesn't it." Buffy looked up at him. "Spike wants to play happy families!"  
  
Spike went absolutely pale in the face, he face went blank, and it was like he had become ice inside, Buffy felt a twinge inside her, as a small dread filled her.  
  
"Happy families! Hmmpt! Yes Buffy talking about playing happy families, you and Lily are more similar than you think, because you just sounded like the bitch!" Spike turned away from Buffy as he spoke. "Maybe you could keep the tradition of kicking me in the teeth when I'm at the lowest, that's what you Summer's women seem good at!"  
  
Buffy felt her stomach turn at his accusation, it wasn't true, one thing she wasn't was Lily. She would never be like Lily. How could he even think that? The very thought he would even think that sunk the final nail in the coffin. "Get out!"  
  
"Gladly!" Spike looked at her, his eyes sharp and brutal as they summed her up, and judged her guilty. This time he did walk to the door, slammed it as he walked out on her, and walked away. Again. This time it was far worse than before, this time he felt as if his soul was being ripped from him, the pain was immense that he felt from her accusations and the home truths that had come to surface. It was far worse than Lily, but this time even though he walked away, he knew he couldn't stay away, too much was at risk.  
  
He was determined to have her. Her and the baby. 


	10. Tears Fall Like Rain

Chapter Ten  
  
Tears Fall Like Rain  
  
The house had been so quiet these two weeks, and she hadn't heard from Spike. It felt like a thousand times, that she'd picked up the receiver on the phone just to call him, just to make sure that he was okay. However, her pride always got the better of her and made her hand heavy, until she replaced it back onto its cradle. Pride was stopping her from seeking him out, and stopping the pain that tore through her every second, of every minute, of every hour. Self-doubt became paramount with each day that passed, that she'd made some unfair judgments, as far as he'd been concerned, that maybe the whole situation had gotten out of control, and they could have dealt with this in a better way. She realized that he had something to answer for, and her need to protect herself had spiralled out of control. He'd let his stubbornness and self-determination override any hope of talking it through calmly and peacefully.  
  
Yet the fact that not even once, had he even tried to get in contact with her, hurt her deeply. It helped in keeping her pride in control of her emotions, and dampened any resolve in seeking him out. She hadn't really slept much in the last few weeks, she'd lie in her bed at night, straining to hear the front door open, and hear the footsteps on the landing. Yet every night, she'd waited in vain. It just intensified her feelings of betrayal and desertion, even though she'd been the one to tell him to 'get out'. She'd hoped deep down that he would fight harder for her, and for them.  
  
He hadn't, he'd walked out on her without a single glance back, the cold look on his face had killed any hope. He'd compared her to Lily, he'd compared her to the woman that had deeply betrayed him. That was the cruellest thing that he could have ever said to her, she'd learnt what a convincing liar her sister had become, and he dared compare her. She halted her train of thought, as she reminded herself that she'd allowed Lily's words from her letter to come back and haunt her. She'd permitted them to sway her thoughts and accuse him of just about everything. She'd let her insecurities nurture those accusations, and her pain give rise to them.  
  
And her pride deny her everything else.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The hotel room was cold and impersonal, but it was better than either place he'd called home. Home with Lily. Home with Buffy. The opulence of the room, with all its conveniences and beautiful views of the city, didn't make an ounce of difference to him. He'd stared out this same window for two weeks, looking at everything and nothing. The only view he saw was Buffy telling him to 'get out', and leave their...no... her home. He was totally defeated, he didn't know how to tell her he was sorry, that at least wasn't a lie, and his dreams for them weren't just an empty fantasy.  
  
So again, he started what had seemed to become a ritual to hide his pain, and give him time to forget. Grabbing his coat, he walked across the street to the bar opposite the hotel and sat himself down on the same stool he had been sitting every night for at least the last week. The barman greeted him with some hesitance in the nod of his head, Spike may be repeat business, but he was repeat drunk business, and to some effect he kept the ladies in for that little while longer. Even though he had a few ladies attention every night, he never left with one of them, he'd talk but that was about it, just talk. Yet he'd always leave on closing time, sometimes as drunk as he could make himself, with such a lost look on his face.  
  
Tonight was no different, he sat and ordered the same straight whiskey as always. The same thoughts would fill his mind, he'd try to find the right words to say, to make her see that he was sorry for everything, to make her see what he felt for her was real, to see that they belonged together. Each swallow of alcohol made the dream more real and possible, the drink fogged his brain to the true reality around him. It gave him the courage in his mind to do what he just couldn't do.  
  
Go and talk to her.  
  
"Hey mate! Another!" Spike lifted up the empty glass to the barman.  
  
"So what's your poison?" A feminine voice came from beside him, and a petite blonde came and sat beside him. For a microsecond he thought she'd come to him, for a microsecond he actually felt happiness, for a microsecond he felt relieved. Spike nodded his head politely to acknowledge her presence, but didn't talk to her, the last thing he wanted was to get into any conversation, the only thing he wanted to get acquainted with was the J.D. "Let me guess the shy type?"  
  
"Look Miss, I really am not interested in any conversation or small talk." Spike grabbed the refilled drink, and threw it straight down his throat. "If you'll excuse me."  
  
"Such a gentleman! But no need to leave, I mean I'm just looking for some company." The blonde didn't give up easy. "They say misery loves company."  
  
"Who said I was miserable?"  
  
"Honey it's pouring off you in showers! You're so standoffish they'd have to peel it off with acetone, to get it off you!"  
  
"Look lady like I said. I ain't interested in any conversation or small talk!"  
  
"Okay, okay!" She moved back deeper into her stool, and ordered a drink, occasionally she'd eye the platinum blonde, looking for that moment when the booze would kick in, and so would she.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The phone rang late that night as Buffy was just about to go to bed, she'd had another long soak in the bath to try and relieve the deep tension she was feeling. She was trying to relax for the sake of the baby, her blood pressure hadn't been good when she'd gone to visit Dr Singer for a check up. She couldn't deny the reason why her pressure was so high, but she was just too damn proud to do anything about it. She got up from her dresser, pulling herself up slightly with the edge of the furniture for leverage, and walked to her extension next to the bed.  
  
"Hello."  
  
"Hello Miss Summers?" A quiet British female voice asked.  
  
"Yes, who's this?"  
  
"Excuse me Miss Summers', but it's Evelyn Freemantle here." The voice on the other side identified herself. "I'm sorry to call so late, well I'm not sure what time it is there. I'm calling from London my dear, and this was a number that was given to me sometime ago."  
  
"Mrs Freemantle?"  
  
"Yes dear, William's mother. I'm trying to find my wayward son, we haven't heard from him in about two weeks, and he hasn't been at the office, and he's not answering the phone. I thought that maybe you may have heard something from Lily, about where he maybe?"  
  
"No. No I haven't heard from either him or Lily." Buffy tried to keep her voice calm and rational.  
  
"Have you heard or seen from him at all?" She asked, but the hesitancy was thick in her voice as she continued. "Well I can't suppose that you have. We, well his father and I were hoping that he and Lily might have been together. You know my dear, forgotten all this silliness about a divorce. Young people these days, no idea about marriage and commitment."  
  
Buffy nearly dropped the phone as she listened to his mother, and the obvious truth that they didn't know about her or the baby, their grandchild, she carried. Spike hadn't even bothered to tell them, or so it would appear. She felt like she was a secret kept from the parents, something to be ashamed of, even though she knew that not to be true. She knew that Spike probably had his reasons, but that didn't help her not feel like a dirty little secret, to be kept from family and friends.  
  
Trying to keep her composure, Buffy spoke to the woman. "I'm sorry Mrs. Freemantle, but I have absolutely no idea where your son is, and to be honest I haven't seen him in a few weeks."  
  
"Alright, I am sorry to bother you dear at this time of night. May I ask how your sister is at least?"  
  
"She's fine." Buffy could only guess.  
  
"Good." Mrs. Freemantle replied. "Well dear I must keep ringing around to try and find him, if you see him will you tell him to call his mother!"  
  
"I'm sure he's alright Mrs. Freemantle. If there's one thing he can do that's look after himself." The sarcasm rich in her voice.  
  
"Goodnight."  
  
"Goodbye Mrs. Freemantle." Buffy hung the phone back onto its cradle, as the conversation reverberated deep within her mind. She felt so let down, and further betrayed by him. The conversation with his mother made it plain, he hadn't even told his family about her, or the baby.  
  
The phone call had only stirred further concern she'd been feeling about Spike, despite everything that had happened, she still worried about him. She would have thought, that he would have at least let her know where he was, just in case anything had happened in her pregnancy. This was totally out of character for him, especially considering that even when he and Lily had been together, they, or he had always let her know where they'd gone for quiet weekends away. Even when no one else knew where they were, Buffy was the one person that did. Hoping that he hadn't done anything stupid or irrational, she made the decision to go find the stupid idiot. Despite everything she still cared about him.  
  
Walking to her closet, she dressed, in jeans, jumper and jacket, as it was turning into a bleak night with what looked like storm clouds. Of all the nights for her to go looking for him, it would have to be this one, but deep down she knew she wouldn't sleep, knowing that no one appeared to know where he was. Taking a deep breath, she walked down the staircase, out the back to the garage and her car. She slid into the drivers seat and adjusted the it to accommodate her growing size, then readjusted the mirrors and for a moment just sat there. Not sure where to start, she ran the possibilities through her mind, and came up with a blank. She supposed the most obvious place was his home, the one that he'd shared with Lily all these years.  
  
Gunning the engine, she reversed the car out of the drive, and turned down the street en route for the upper end of town, towards her destination.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"So cutie, whattt....what brings.. you to a placceee like this?" Spike's words slurred as the alcohol clouded his thoughts; he also swayed slightly in his chair, as the blonde leaned over to show more of her cleavage to the drunk. She suggestively inclined her body over him, and glided her hand along his button shirt, feeling the stitching along the midline of the fabric, grazing her manicured nails along the surface. He never felt her hand lean further over his shirt, near his coats' inner pocket, as she relieved him of his wallet. To onlookers it looked like a couple getting all heavy at the bar, and they looked like they were enjoying it.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Buffy stood on the front step of the entrance to the house, she swore to herself she would never enter again. With some courage she made her way to the front door, and rang the bell, she waited for a short time, before she pushed her face onto the glass that stood at the side of the massive front entry doors. She could just see a light on, that came from the kitchen from the back of the house, she banged her fist on the door, hoping that this may persuade Spike to come out of hiding. When that appeared not to be working, she made her way around to the back of the house and the source of the light.  
  
With a clearer view of the inside of the house, she could see that no one appeared to be in the lower levels of the house. Deciding to take a chance that he was upstairs, she took out her keys to the house that Lily had given to her, when Spike and Lily had first brought the house, and let herself in. She walked into the spotless kitchen, which Lily had always insisted on, being the neat freak that she was, its' pure white décor giving Buffy the shivers like it always did. Its stark impersonality had always made her cringe, and considering what had happened over the last months, made her hate it even more.  
  
  
  
Making her way into the lounge room, to her horror she took the sight of the room in, and its horrendous contrast to the kitchen. Furniture had been overturned, curtains pulled down, coffee and side tables smashed, with glass sheered in every centimeter of the room. It reeked of alcohol. Buffy could see what was left of bottles littered across the carpet, and amber stains on the pure white paint of the walls. It looked like the place had been ransacked, but she knew better, it looked like Spike had been taking his anger out on the room. A bitter shiver ran down her spine, she'd never known him to lose his cool like this, he'd always never been shy to show his feelings, but never like this. It looked as if a rage had taken hold of him, and the room had born the brunt of it.  
  
With some hesitancy, she walked into the hallway, turning on lights as she went to find her way along the house. She found the upstairs in even darker disarray, and the most derelict room was the master bedroom. Clothes were thrown everywhere, and furniture over turned, the dresser was the only piece of furniture not showing any signs of damage. On it, she found two piles of pictures of her and Lily, all the pictures of her sister torn into little pieces, and those of her littered the dresser. The ones where she stood alone ran along the mirror of the dresser, and others obviously of her and her sister were torn into two, hers' lay spread over the surface of the dresser and those of her sister littered the floor.  
  
Yet one clear stood out, it was turned up on one side, it was a Christmas picture of the three of them, taken when they'd decided to go ahead with the surrogacy, together they stood arms around each other, with Buffy in the middle. Except now Lily had been torn out of the picture, and just the two of them stood side by side, with Spike looking at her with such a joyful look on his face, filled with gratitude that he was finally going to get the family he dreamed of. Buffy could feel the tears strain in her eyes, they'd been so happy on that day, well Buffy had thought that all three of them had been happy.  
  
Memories of that day came back, as Buffy remembered Lily huddled in the corner of the room, talking on her mobile phone, trying to placate someone. She remembered that Lily had made some excuse that it was some relative of Spikes', wanting them to come over for Christmas. Closing her eyes in hate and loss, she could only now surmise that she had been talking to Liam, and had been trying to put him off from seeing her that day. Yet the sight around her worried her even more, the destruction of the house showed the dark feelings that had a grip on Spike. With an even greater concern, she looked around the house trying to find a clue about where he could be. It was obvious that no one was living here in this mess. Giving up and going back down the stairs, the hallway phone caught her attention, the phone book lay strewn on the floor, it's pages folded in on themselves or torn at the edges from being harshly discarded. With a little intuition, Buffy picked up the phone and waited to see if the dial tone came. The purring of the tone showed that the phone was still connected, with a single finger she hit the redial button, and waited for the person at the other end to pick up the phone.  
  
"Hello Majestic Hotel, how may I help you?"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Driving her way across town once more, she drove towards the hotel after talking to a very reluctant receptionist, she'd managed to get out of her that 'yes a Mr. Freeman', was staying at the hotel, and that 'yes it would be nice if his pregnant wife surprised him, whilst he was on business, because she missed him so much'. It had been hard to lie, but she hoped the 'pregnant wife' bit, would loosen the tongue of the woman who answered the phone. The 'Mr. Freeman' part was easy to guess, Spike was so predictable in some things, he always use the same bogus name when he wanted anonymity, or wanted to escape with Lily for a little while. At least some of Lily's little tidbits about their weekends away, were paying off.  
  
The valet took the car keys from her, as she dropped the car off to be parked; the doorman tipped his hat in greeting as he opened the door for her. Walking through the grand foyer of the hotel, with its velvet lounges and high chandeliers, Buffy could see that at least Spike had decided to do his running away in style. She headed straight to the Reception Desk and waited for the young man to finish serving his guest, "I won't be a moment madam," he acknowledged her presence.  
  
She waited a good five minutes for the two to finish whatever they were doing, and finally had the staffs attention. "How may I help you madam?"  
  
"I would like to speak with one of your guests, a Mr. Freeman please."  
  
"And you are madam?"  
  
"Mrs. Freeman." She'd gotten this far lying, she might as well go the whole yard, as she smiled hoping that this would convince him even more of her lie. She made it even worse by standing back a bit from the counter, and rubbing her pregnant tummy. "I thought I'd surprise Daddy with a visit from the little one." She pointed her finger towards her 'bump'.  
  
"Ahh what a lovely surprise Mrs. Freeman. I'm sure Mr. Freeman would enjoy seeing you, but unfortunately I just cannot give you access to his room because, you say your Mrs. Freeman. I'm sorry, but it's hotel policy."  
  
"I totally understand that, but could you ring him and tell him that 'Buffy's here'?"  
  
"One moment." He moved away and picked up the phone dialed a number and waited, after a short time he came back. "I'm sorry Mrs. Freeman, but he is not answering. Would you care to wait in the lobby for him?"  
  
"Yes thank you, but would you keep trying? Please it's important." Buffy pleaded with the man.  
  
"Please take a seat and I'll let you know if and when he answers, or you can catch him on his way back in."  
  
"Thank you." Buffy walked over to one of the deep lounges and took up residency in the seats, and waited.  
  
For a while Buffy watched the traffic, come and go within the hotel lobby, the doorman smiled as sometime later he walked passed her and whispered something to the man behind the desk, as he peered back at her. She watched him walk past her again with this time a strained smile, and the look of he 'knew something'. Not wanting to wait for them to come to her, she made her way to the front door and the door attendant.  
  
"Have you seen him?"  
  
"Him madam?"  
  
"Yes him, Mr. Freeman?" Buffy was getting more frustrated as time passed.  
  
"Umm, yes Madam I have, but you're better waiting here. It is warmer in here and it is raining outside Madam. No type of weather for a pregnant lady like you to be in." He gestured with his hand the rain that had started to fall, and the warm interior of the hotel. "Where is he? Please it's important?"  
  
"Please Madam..."  
  
"Just tell me!"  
  
With great hesitation, he gestured out the door and across the street. "I believe Sir is in that establishment. See Madam, it's much better that you wait in here." His distaste for the bar clear to see on his face.  
  
Not wanting to wait, or care for the door attendant's obvious displeasure, she opened the door herself and walked out onto the street. She crossed the road, as the rain came pouring down. Buffy grabbed her lapels, hugging the coat as closely as she could to herself. Standing in front of the shop front, Buffy peered in.  
  
Stunned and too shocked to move she watched as a blonde woman, encased herself around Spike, with no inhibitions as she flashed her low cut blouse in front of him. She watched as the woman's hand ran along his chest, and into his coat, grazing the fabric with her nails. What made it worse was Spike did nothing to stop her, nothing to get the woman off him. He did nothing, but smile and whisper something to her.  
  
Like the rain that fell around her, her tears poured in silence, not heard or seen by the man they were for. He didn't see her standing there, see her pain, or see her cry of despair that screamed from inside her. He was too caught up in the woman, who was trying to get him interested in her. The woman he was letting touch him, because he couldn't have the one he really craved, because she reminded him a little of her. Her hair and size, was enough to give him the distraction she was, he knew it wasn't her, but for a few minutes he let himself think that it was.  
  
He let himself live his drunken haze fantasy.  
  
The barman noticed her in the cold wet rain, just standing there with her coat huddled around her, and her protruding stomach that showed her pregnancy. He put down the glass he was cleaning, intent on going out and getting the woman to either come in and have refuge from the rain, or go home and forget the bum she was obviously trying to find. He may run a bar, but he was respectable and he was a man of good principle. As he walked passed Spike, he put his glass down and asked for 'another shot', the barman ignored the drunk. Making his way from behind the bar, Spike watched in disgust, as he wasn't served. "Hey I wanttt myyy drink!" His eyes followed the barman, as he went to the front door and moved along the front of the bar, until they reached the shop front window.  
  
"Oh fuck!"  
  
Before him stood Buffy, watching him through the window, standing in the rain. He could see the droplets of rain on her face, as they ran down onto her coat. He watched as water brimmed over her eyes, it took him a second to realise that the moisture on her face was a mixture of rain, and tears. He disentangled himself from his distraction, as she turned and ran across the street, he stumbled across the bar floor, watching as she disappeared from his line of sight. Out finally on the street he looked up and down the street trying to find her.  
  
"Bloody fucking hell!"  
  
She'd totally disappeared from view, until he heard the unmistakable revving of the four-wheel drive she drove, she sat in the car directly opposite him, and just stared at him. The blank look on her face, showed her flat emotions, and her hurt that she'd come to suppress.  
  
"Wait Buffy!" Spike ran across the road and stopped directly in front of the driver door, he tried in vain to open it. "Buffy, please wait! Buffy! Please don't lock me out!" Buffy tilted her head towards him, and wiped her face as a single tear feel down her face, in defiance of her feelings at this single moment in time. "I just did." She quickly wiped another away and turned away from him, as she put the car into first gear, and drove away.  
  
Spike fell to his knees at the sight of the departing car, like the rain that fell onto his face, so did the tears. He was totally defeated, he'd fucked up any chance to get her back, she'd never give him a second chance...like everything he touched lately, it fell apart around him. His grief gave way to pain as his tears fell like rain.  
  
A/N Thanks to Kirsty, Darcy and Karen (Karbear57) for beta reading and advice...Thanks guys you're the best... 


	11. Forgiveness Begins In Hope

Chapter 11  
  
Forgiveness Begins In Hope  
  
The reflection of him on his knees in the rear view mirror, passed through her dreams as she slept, the vision of him fading from view as she drove away haunted the deep recesses of her mind. The sound of the rain beating down on the car, became louder with each passing moment, pulsating through her ear drums, until she couldn't stand its hollow sound no more. The thumping sound carried through her body, until its rhythm took hold of her abdomen, as she clutched her stomach in response the rhythm turned into thuds against her flesh. She realised that the thud was the sharp kick of her baby, and the loud banging was the sound of someone at the door, as she as roused from fitful slumber.  
  
She lay on the sofa, covered by a soft woollen overthrow that cocooned her body as she had sought the solace and release that sleep gave her. A place to rest, to dream, to crave...a haven from the reality of the world. Besides Dr Singer had told her to get rest, as much as she could stand, as her high blood pressure persisted, and it was something she could live without, but yet seemed an impossibility, with the unresolved issues that surrounded her. She couldn't stand where she was anymore, her own home had became a cage for her, she'd lost all interest in the outside world, as her own world had fallen apart.  
  
The persistent banging continued to intrude on her dozing mind, her head thumped with the headache that had followed her into sleep. She opened her eyes to the world around her. Moving the blanket off her, she slowly made her way from the sofa to the front door and stood on tippee toes, hanging onto the handle for support, to see who her caller was. The opaque glass couldn't conceal the identity, the platinum hair was unmistakable.  
  
So things had come full circle, here he stood on her front step banging on her door, like many months ago when she'd learnt of her pregnancy. Quickly she pulled herself down from peering through the glass, as the knocking suddenly stopped, she could feel the butterflies in her stomach come to life. He was here. Taking deep breaths she tried to calm herself down, leaning into the wood of the door with the side of her body, she placed her palm on its cool surface, just wanting to absorb the man behind it. Too scared to open the door, to face him, and learn of what he may have to say to her.  
  
He'd seen her peer through the glass panel in the door, even though he couldn't see her face, he knew she was there, inside, behind the door. The risk of coming here was great, but after last night he had to act fast and try to repair the damage. Spike had really wanted to take his time, and gently approach her, get her to trust him again, to try to rebuild his life again around her. Yet now he couldn't see any other way but to come to her, to seek her out, and do anything he could to try and make it right again. All he really hoped for was that she'd listen to him and give him the chance to explain. For hope was all he had left.  
  
The object of all his desires stood behind the door, he raised his hand to gently knock again, but hesitated. Intuition took over control as he placed his palm on the door; a great feeling of relief and need flooded his body, as he could just sense her through the wood. Leaning his head as closely as he could to the edge of the door pane, he could hear her breathe, slow deep breaths of oxygen, but still she didn't open the door.  
  
"Buffy, please open the door." His voice was quiet and soothing to her raw nerves. "Please luv! Open the door."  
  
Buffy still stood frozen in the spot she found herself in, unable to decide whether to let him in or not. Her mind whirled with the images of his betrayal and desertion of her, her heart counteracted it, with the images of her calling him 'a manipulating bastard' and telling him to 'get out'. They all swelled together making it even harder to just think of what she should do, keep him out or let him in, every action would result in a reaction, a consequence of that action, and each one she feared.  
  
"Please Buffy open the door!" Desperation flowed through each syllable he spoke, each word just barely audible through the wood. "Let me in Luv!"  
  
With a slow hand, she put on the door latch and opened the door just an inch, peering through she finally looked at him. He looked like he'd been dragged thru hell and back, he desperately needed a shave, the bristles on his face gave it a ragged look, and his hair was unkempt. She could see that he hadn't kept up with dying his hair, the dark roots of his hair peered through the blonde, it curled instead of the straight back look he usually wore.  
  
"Spike, please leave me alone." Buffy pleaded with him, she was so tired. "I'm not up to visitors, please."  
  
"Let me in Luv. Open the door properly and let me in." Spike tried his best to take a good look at her, she looked so hurt and tired. He hated to see her like this, and hated himself more because he knew that he was responsible for it. "Please Luv, invite me in. Let me make sure your okay."  
  
"I'm okay, you don't have to worry about me. I'm doing fine by myself."  
  
"Buffy," Spike moved as close as the door would let him, slowly he risked everything including his fingers, as he put them through the crack in the door and onto her hand that held the door frame. "Open the door or I'll break it down!" He'd lost all patience, as he was so desperate to talk to her, now that he'd seen her and how she was. His concern for her condition made him forget the reason he came, and his voice rose with a need to get past the door.  
  
"Please Luv...I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you...please...let me in!"  
  
Buffy looked away from him, and the desperate look that lay over his face, and the grovelling need in his voice. She shut the door with a slow hand, and felt like she was on automatic pilot as she undid the chain on the latch, and opened the door. Standing aside, she hid behind the door, as Spike didn't hesitate to walk through, and into the lounge room. He turned to watch her close the door behind him. She looked so withdrawn from the world around her, and so tired that he just wanted to pick her up and take her to her bed to sleep.  
  
"How are you?" Spike asked her as she walked into the room and took her seat back on the sofa.  
  
"Fine." Buffy glanced quickly at him, but refused to have any eye contact, she just couldn't bear to look at him. "I'm fine Spike, like I said I'm doing okay by myself."  
  
"You don't look it!" Spike sat next to her, but she reacted by moving deeper into the corner of the sofa, to move as far away from him as she could. "Buffy, I need to talk to you, to explain...to make you see and understand.."  
  
"I think I saw enough last night Spike!"  
  
"What you saw last night Buffy was me as pissed as a newt, and being a bloody git!" Spike tried to make her more comfortable by moving to the opposite corner of the sofa, he wanted to be close to her, but not scare her away.  
  
"That's not an excuse Spike! Not for any of it!" Buffy voice was filled with icy retort.  
  
"No it's not." Spike ran his hand through his hair in frustration, and with some hesitancy, he thought that he had nothing to lose in telling her the truth. "The booze is no excuse Buffy for what I did, and I'm sorry for it. But you have to understand why I did it Buffy! Why I let it go that far!"  
  
"More excuses Spike? I gotta hear this one! Did you practise it on the way over? Are you well rehearsed on your lines Spike or is it more lies?"  
  
"Enough Buffy!" Spike moved over towards her, he leant over and took her face in his hands, to make her look at him as he wanted her to see that he was telling the truth, he wanted her reaction to what he was going to say. "Yes I was drunk. Yes, I let her touch me. Yes I am guilty of all that! But the truth is Buffy for those few minutes you saw me, I was letting myself be free! Letting myself have what I wanted! Letting myself have a drunken fantasy! I let myself pretend she was someone else!"  
  
The stunned look on her face said it all, she was taken aback by his confession, and it was the last thing that she expected him to say. Yet her heart wasn't relieved by his admission, somehow it lessened some of the pain she was feeling, it still hurt that he could have let himself do something like that, but the truth of his words were not missed by her.  
  
"You pushed me out Buffy. I wanted, no, I needed to feel something! I needed to feel you around me. I've missed you and needed you these last few weeks. I never should have walked out that door the other night. I should have stayed and talked to you!"  
  
"You said some horrible things to me! I felt like all you ever wanted from me was the baby! I was just the attachment to the baby! And the means to an end, to get your divorce over quickly! That legal paper thingy..Affidavit..or whatever you call it, that was the final straw for me! I felt used Spike! Just a thing for you to use until you got what you wanted!" A single tear fell down her face as she let the words come from her mouth, all her insecurities and fears. She just gushed them out, it wasn't all of them, but they were the most poignant to her. "You never would have noticed me...never! Even if Lily was gone, you never would have given me a second glance if it wasn't for the baby!"  
  
"I saw you Buffy, even when I was with Lily. I saw you as my sister-in-law, and that made you forbidden territory...and I was in love with your sister. I thought we had everything, the perfect life and marriage, but I was wrong." Spike tilted his head as he looked at her with blue eyes mirroring his fear of her rejection. "The baby is the best thing that could have happened to me. To us. Yes, it made me look at you. Made me notice you. Don't think that I would never have noticed you Buffy, even if there was no baby, I still would have found and wanted you!"  
  
"How can I believe you?"  
  
"Despite everything Buffy I do care deeply about you! I want you in my future. You are everywhere I go, everywhere I turn, and in every bloody breath I take. I'm drowning in you Summers." Spike leaned into her, his face so close to hers, all she could see was his eyes, as the rest of their surroundings were blocked out by his gaze. "Give me another chance, that's all I ask of you. Give us a chance Buffy. It was so good before all this happened. Forgive me, please Buffy, forgive me."  
  
"Forgive you?"  
  
"Yes forgive Buffy." His iris opened as he pleaded with her, becoming more prominent as he moved a few centimetres closer and softly kissed her lips, just touched them with his own, no pressure, just barely touching her. "I want you and I together Buffy. All of us."  
  
"You're asking for a lot Spike." Buffy leant back a little. "You want so much. I don't know if I can, the last few weeks have been a nightmare and I don't know if I can stand much more."  
  
"Then start with a little bit at a time Buffy." Spike took her face between his hands. "Just a little bit. We have to try and make something of this, for us."  
  
"You make it sound so easy. It's not Spike, it's complicated and messy!" Buffy turned her head away. "I don't know if I have the strength to do anything anymore. I'm just too tired."  
  
"Then rest. Let me carry you for a while. I understand you're angry and hurt, but I never meant for things to get like this. I swear to you that the last thing that I wanted was a wedge between us. I won't let that happen again Buffy! You and the baby are all I have left worth anything in the world, and I won't give you up!" His words were harsh and determined, proclaiming his fortitude in the matter. "And I won't let anything stand in my way Buffy, not even your sister. If she's so determined to have everything, then let her! It's not worth it!"  
  
"Not worth it? I don't understand?" Buffy turned back to face him, she was really lost now in the confusion of the emotional rollercoaster she was on, her head was in a tail spin enough, without Spike going out on a tangent that she had absolutely no idea what he was talking about.  
  
"Lily and those damned letters! I'll get a quicker divorce one way or another!"  
  
"Quicker divorce?"  
  
"Please forget it Buffy, don't worry about it. It's my concern."  
  
"No make me understand? This is why I'm angry Spike you never tell me anything! Especially where Lily's concerned, you just clam up!"  
  
"Lily has been my problem not yours, and I never wanted it to be your problem."  
  
"Tell me, make me understand! You just leave me confused and wondering what your motives behind everything you do are! Like that the Affidavit thingy! I gave you those letters to help you, and you try and drag me into the divorce proceeding with that document! When were you going to tell me Spike? When you were on the court steps with your back to the wall?"  
  
"No Buffy, I was going to talk to you about it. Explain what the paperwork was, and let you decide if you were going to sign it. I never would have forced you to sign it! Never!" Spike touched her cheek with his fingers as he spoke. "You didn't have to sign it Buffy, it would have been your decision to be a part of the proceedings or not. I had never included it in my plans in filing for the divorce, it just would have made things easier and less messy."  
  
"For you or her?"  
  
"Me. If you signed the affidavit, then she has no right to anything that I brought into the marriage. She would be able to have a right to have a stake in my business interests and family belongings. All of which should be passed onto my child. Our child. Those letter's show her adultery and worse the fact that she asked you to hide the truth from me."  
  
Buffy closed her eyes in anguish as she remembered seeing the papers and unleashing a darker side of herself that she rarely saw. The accusations she'd hurled his way, as she retaliated in pain at the thought he'd been using her for his own means. It had blinded her to only see what she wanted to see, she had no proof to condemn him the way that she had. The very thing she'd hand him to fight Lily with, had come back to crucify her, and wreak havoc with her life.  
  
"I can't tell you how sorry I am about everything. This isn't what I wanted. I just wanted a future that included all three of us. As you so eloquently put it the other night, I just wanted a happy family with you and the baby." Spike brought his hand to her neck, gently massaging the knotted muscles beneath it. "Even if you weren't pregnant I still believe that I would have come to you. In the end I don't think I could imagine ending up anywhere else. That you have to believe in, if nothing else. I know that we have a lot of things to make up for to each other, but it will be worth it. We are worth it Buffy!"  
  
She listened as he said his words, hearing his own hurt and pain in them, her world had done such a three sixty-degree turn, in the last three weeks. It had all seemed so simple in the beginning, have the baby and parent it together, she could never have foreseen this development, never in a million years. The disaster that had followed those few first pleasant weeks, had uncovered the dark side of the consequences of the decisions that they had made. She realised that both of them had been in someway responsible for each other's misery, but could they be responsible for each other's happiness.  
  
He'd made it so plain to her what he wanted, and still demanded from her in the end, and that was all of her. Right now, all he asked was a little bit of her, yet in the end he'd always want all of her. It was a pity that she didn't have a looking glass that would let her see how the future would have been without her ever being pregnant. At least that would have made things easier, she could have seen whether his prediction of ending up together, wasn't just sweet words to ply her with. She bit her lip, as she struggled against the voice of caution that she'd listened to in the beginning, and that had led to where they were now.  
  
"I'll try." Her words were just a light whisper, of which he just heard and only could have heard as she face hovered close to hers. "I want to try."  
  
"Then forget the past Buffy!" Spike tilted his head as he said his words; a gentle smile filled his face, softening the skin so taunt from the stress. "We both have to forget the past, forgive each other and think about the future we want. Can you do that Luv? Can you forgive me?"  
  
She swallowed hard in contemplation of his request, he was asking for something so simple, yet so binding as there could be no going back, not now, not ever, this was it. Even with all the reservations she had, she nodded her head, and again her words so softly spoken said, "Yes."  
  
Listening to her answer, he felt his spirit rise as she gave him the answer he so wanted to hear, and could only have imagined. He slowly approached her in his movements as he brought his other hand around her shoulder and brushed his own lips against her, ever so delicately sweeping his on hers. Not demanding, just touches between the two of them, reassuring touches of togetherness, fulfilling the need to acknowledge the need they had between them. Until it wasn't enough for either of them, until it spiralled into a deeper need for each other, a deeper need of reassurance to explore the birth of the new understanding and relationship between the two.  
  
Buffy was the first to allow things to move into a profound union, as Spike was reluctant to move beyond the boundaries he would let her set, he didn't want to break the fragile bond and agreement between them. She was the first to taste his lips, to explore beyond the gentle kisses they'd shared so far, opening herself to him, he took the invitation and explored the inner recess of her mouth with his tongue. Letting it run along her soft tissue, to taste her essence and encourage her to join in the passionate kiss. She rested her hand on his shoulder as she drew herself as closely as she could, considering the obstacle of her pregnancy. She manoeuvred herself until she was comfortable, but not once letting him go, she opened herself fully to him, and allowed herself to get lost in their kiss. She felt the rough texture of the flesh of his tongue as she slid her own along his, and lost herself within the depths of his mouth.  
  
It filled the empty void that she'd been feeling for so long, it was sealing the bond that they had agreed to share. Making promises to each other, and reaffirming their intentions towards each other. It showed that despite everything they had ignited a fire between them that burned deep inside each of them, keeping them warm, and making it so pleasurable between them.  
  
Feeling the intensity rise between the two of them, Spike pulled himself reluctantly from her, as he struggled for breath. He was spiralling out of control, and heading into a deeper ocean of want and desire that he'd never experienced before, even with Lily and it frightened him. He could easily lose control of himself and push her into something he feared she wasn't ready for, and he didn't want that. As much as he wanted to grab her and carry her upstairs to her bed, he didn't want to frighten her off, and most importantly he didn't know if she physically could. The subject had never come up, and he'd never expected it to, so he never asked Dr Singer. So for better reasons than quenching his own desire for her he pulled away and rested his forehead on her own, as he heard her own deep rasping breaths.  
  
"I should go."  
  
As Spike moved away from her, she tightened her hold on him, she wasn't ready to let him go, not yet anyway. "Stay."  
  
"Buffy I should go." Spike kissed her in a reassuring gesture. "I'd better go before it's too late, and I should let you rest."  
  
"Don't go." Buffy had finally found some peace in her turmoil and she didn't want to let that go.  
  
"Whyyy?" Spike stumbled on his words. "Why's that?"  
  
"Because I'm not ready for you to go!" Buffy was frightened that he'd walk through that door and never come back to her, like he had once before. "Stay here."  
  
"Buffy?"  
  
"Stay in your room. You said that we had to learn to forgive each other, and to me that means trust each other again. How can I do that if you're not here?" Buffy was struggling to find any excuse to keep him here, anything.  
  
"I don't know if that..." The look on her face halted any excuse he was about to use. "Fine, but only if you promise to go now and get some rest."  
  
He stood up on his two feet and put out a hand to help her up from the sofa, he walked behind her as she walked to the stairs and up to her room. He stood in the hallway as she stepped into her room, and shut the door behind her. "Night Luv." He himself then turned down the hall and to his own room and let himself into the room, the bed was made and everything he'd left lay in its place. It was if he'd never left.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
3:48 am  
  
The clock counted another minute as the two dots between the numbers flashed, he hadn't been able to sleep. His mind full of what had happened tonight, the relief that he felt flooded through his body, it was a bloody miracle she'd given them another chance. He looked at the clock again, as he heard the door to his room open, quickly shutting his eyes he tried to feign sleep. He heard the light footsteps approach the chair in the far corner of the room, and the squeaking of the wicker under the weight of the occupant. In the mirror he watched her reflection bathed in the small amount of moonlight that flooded through the window, she looked like she hadn't slept at all.  
  
He could only guess the rough time she was having, and the conflicting emotional turmoil she was experiencing. He wanted to get out and just hold her. Just let her have someone else take her burden for a while. With out really thinking about it, he rolled over and pulled himself up in the bed, as Buffy sat startled that she'd woken him. She began to get out of the chair to vacate the room, when Spike pulled one of the two pillows from his head, and threw it beside his own. He pulled the covers back from the opposite side of the bed.  
  
"Trust me."  
  
Buffy stood frozen in place, his request was not what she expected from him she only wanted to come and make sure he'd stayed. Yet that didn't satisfy her, she just wanted to watch him sleep, see if she could distinguish the real him, as he relaxed in slumber.  
  
"Trust me."  
  
The second time it was more quiet and hushed than the first. She looked at his face, but it was so hard to read in the dark. Her feet moved her step after step closer to his bed, around its outside, and finally to where the bedding was turned down, she stood shyly unsure of herself.  
  
"Get in Buffy."  
  
Turning around she sat on the side of the bed, and lifted her legs over the side until she lay on her side of the wide bed. She lay there just looking at the wall, as she felt the mattress move under his weight, as he rearranged the sheets and blankets around her.  
  
"Move more into the middle."  
  
Buffy slid herself further into the bed, but still she didn't turn herself over. The sheets were lifted once again as she felt his warmth approach her back, as he laid himself behind her. Running his hand down her arm until he found her hand, and clutched it within his own, securing onto it tightly. He gently nudged her legs into a scissor fashion so he could slip his own leg in between hers, giving him the room to lie as close to her as he possibly could.  
  
"Go to sleep Goldilocks!"  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Go to sleep Buffy."  
  
She closed her eyes finally that night, and let herself feel comforted knowing he was so close to her. Maybe, just maybe her dream could come true. Making sure she was comfortable, Spike let himself down from the elbow that supported his weight as he watched her slide into slumber, and for the first time in three weeks, he gave into the luxury of having what he wanted laying right in his arms.  
  
Hope.  
  
A/N Thanks again to Darcy, Kirsty and Karen (Karbear57) for your help.....luv you guys.... 


	12. Secrets

Chapter 12  
  
Secrets  
  
8.45am  
  
Buffy turned slightly in her sleep as she snuggled closer to the source of warmth at her back, pulling the bedcovers as close to her as she could. She let out a quiet sigh, as the arm that wrapped itself around her waist moved to her abdomen and softly rubbed her tummy. Spike, half-awake touched her abdomen to reassure himself that the baby was real and Buffy still lay by his side, and that neither had been a dream. He swirled his hands lazily upon her abdomen, he moved himself closer to her as he felt her snuggling in closer to him, he heard her sigh and felt a gentle wave motion under his hand. His eyes popped open along with his mouth as the motion of the waves increased until he felt a kick. He pulled himself up and hauled the linen aside.  
  
Spike gently lifted Buffy's nightshirt from her body and watched the rippling motion of the baby moving under her skin. He then replaced his hand on the skin of her abdomen and waited to feel his son or daughter move within her. He didn't have to wait long until he got his 'hello dad' from the baby, the cheeky smirk on his face showed the pride he felt in the little one's creation, and in the end this was what it was all about. Being with his family.  
  
A hand came to rest over his as the baby became more active, Buffy guided his hand to feel the movements of the baby as she felt the life move inside of her. She always knew where the little one was going to strike next, sometimes she wondered if she was going to last the nine months, it seemed like the baby wanted 'out now'. It was extra comforting to her to feel Spike next to her, to be cocooned within the warmth of his body and protectiveness of his hand over their baby. It went without saying that the past few weeks had been an utter nightmare and so painful that it was soul destroying, but there was hope that going through it all had a purpose. Maybe Karma was just playing 'bitch' to see how strong they both could be, and if they could make it together, surely this wouldn't be the only hurdle they'd have to face.  
  
Buffy could only think what her and his family... 'oh shit'...his mother! She'd totally forgot to mention his mother's call. Mrs. Freemantle was the last thing that she would have thought about, considering the circumstances and to be honest she didn't really give a damn. Spike, herself and the baby were the only things that really mattered; they were her first priority and the only thing she wanted to focus on at the moment. Yet Buffy knew that his mother underneath that entire demeanour was freaking out about her son. She let out a sigh and entangled her hand within his, knowing that she would have to shatter their quiet world, so with some reluctance she spoke.  
  
"Spike?"  
  
"Yeah Luv." Spike lifted his head onto his hand as he bent his free hand to support his head. "You uncomfortable, want me to move?"  
  
"NO! Don't you move a muscle mister!" Buffy brought her face around so she could look even though awkwardly at him. "Your mom called a few days ago, she said that you hadn't called her in two weeks and that you hadn't been in the office. She wants you to call her."  
  
"I'll call her later." Spike bent his head down and kissed her softly on the cheek. "Wanna spend the day with you."  
  
"Spike she sounded worried and you haven't called her for two weeks, nearly three. Put her out of her misery. Spike, she's your mom."  
  
"Mother will survive, trust me." Spike dropped his chin to her shoulder. "She's a tough old bird."  
  
"She also thinks that you're with Lily!" Buffy knew that wasn't the whole truth, well it was kind of the truth, and his mother had asked!  
  
"What! With that bitch!" Spike spat out, "I told her that we were over, and she knows that the woman is an adulterer! Bloody hell!"  
  
"You should call her and tell her that you're alive and here...well umm that you're alive anyway." Buffy's voice quietened as she realised what she'd said about him living with her. She looked away from him as she realised her slip of the tongue.  
  
"You didn't tell her?" Spike dragged himself up into a sitting position with his back on the bed head and pulled Buffy up until she rested comfortably, leaning on his chest with his arms embracing her waistline. "Buffy?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Why not?" Spike asked her.  
  
"Why didn't you tell them, your mom and dad, that you were here?" Buffy replied with her own question.  
  
"Umm I didn't think to...must have slipped my mind. So much has happened in the last few weeks."  
  
"More like months Spike!" Buffy was getting rattled. "Why don't they know about the baby?"  
  
He felt the instant guilt grab him, one more stupid thing that he shouldn't have done, kept the baby news from his parents. "I will tell them Buffy. One more stupid thing to add to my list of deviances, hey!" Spike started to move himself away from her, he felt like the total git that he was, he'd let her down again.  
  
"Hey, Spike! If you think that you're taking your arse out of this bed, you are surely mistaken mister!" Buffy squeezed his hands that lay between her own. "It's okay, we'll work it out. The why's, when's and how's don't matter anymore. Today does okay! Not what happened yesterday...today is what matters. You get a clean slate, Spike! Please don't fuck it up!"  
  
"Buffy..." Spike pushed himself and her forward as he leaned her to the side and moved her until she lay flat on the bed, with him lying on his side above her. Her words had opened up the floodgates, he didn't want to rush anything, he wanted to take things slow, bit by bit like he said, but he couldn't deny the fact that he wanted her. Taking her face between his hands, he kissed her lips with soft light touches with a gentle grace that reflected his need for her. He placed no demands on her and made no effort to deepen the kiss, and neither did she, they just enjoyed the pleasure of just touching each other. Maybe each just a little frightened to touch the flame that burned beneath the surface. Each of them itched to touch it and allow the flame to come to the surface too warm and consume them. Yet they knew that it could burn them, extinguishing it self even before it had a chance. They needed to lay the new foundations based on friendship, love and trust even though friendship was the last thing either had in mind with each other.  
  
Buffy knew that they could further explore their relationship if she wanted to, she could feel the pull of her need to feel him around and inside of her. Yet she could feel her heart protesting that it was too early, and it's vulnerability was just to fragile at the moment. It was frightened to let him into too far and too deep so early...she didn't know if she could survive if they went through any of this again. She'd let go of so much pain and anguish in the last few hours She gave into the hope that seemed to have enveloped them, renewing the connection between them. So she let things be and didn't forge the kiss forward, as much as she wanted to, she just wanted to enjoy this moment more.  
  
Spike felt Buffy relax into their soft kisses, her body melting into the mattress, and moulding into his body. He felt the moment she surrendered, as she seemed caught for a time, lost in her own thoughts as if trying to decide whether this is what she wanted. He kept himself in a deliberate check, he wanted nothing more than to intensify their kiss and embrace the fire that scratched from beneath the surface begging to be released. It would give him so much pleasure to show her how he felt, to touch her skin, to be truly intimate with her. He knew that it meant total trust, something that he had yet to earn from her. He'd done enough of a good job to destroy any trust she'd once had for him, but she'd given him another chance and he wasn't going to mess it up. With some reluctance he stopped kissing her, and played with her hair to avoid temptation.  
  
"Okay so you tell your mom and dad about the baby. Then what? I don't think that they're going to be jumping for joy do you?" Buffy asked him.  
  
"What they think is not the issues here, it's the fact they don't know that matters, and I don't give a shit what they think, Buffy!" Spike pulled her tighter into his arms. "But what about your folks, Luv? You never seem to hear from them, surely they know you're knocked up, Luv!" Buffy replied by smacking his arm with a rough blow, "Hey!"  
  
"I don't know, Spike?" Buffy spoke softly, "I can only assume they know. I mean they haven't even called, not once to say hello or how are you. I don't know, Spike."  
  
"Surely you called them?" Spike asked her, reassuringly stroking her hair and running a finger down her cheek, as a single tear ran down its length, he caught it before it fell away from her face. "You haven't called them have you? You haven't even tried since all of this....fuck...Buffy, you should have called them."  
  
"What for? For them to be disappointed in their youngest daughter again?" Buffy closed her eyes and opened them looking away. "They probably would have accepted it, if you and Lily stayed together...but you didn't and they probably would have tried to...tried to..."  
  
"What Luv? Tried to have what?"  
  
"To have talked me out of it. The baby. Probably would have tried to talk me into having a termination." Buffy let out a single sob that shattered the peace of their bed.  
  
"It doesn't matter anyway now does it? What they think or say? You've got me and the baby!" Spike kissed the tears that feel down her face. "Buffy, please sweetheart, don't cry. We have each other, we don't need them...we can make our own world...together...you belong here with me."  
  
"I wish sometimes that I could stay here and keep the world out. Just to rest."  
  
"Then rest, the world will be there tomorrow, Buffy. Let it just be us for now, just us three and if it just has to be us Luv, then so be it. Maybe 'just us' for now anyway!"  
  
"Now?" Buffy was deathly silent.  
  
"I'll give you sometime to yourself until your ready," Spike looked at her holding his gaze with her, as he put his hand over her abdomen, "and we do it right next time."  
  
"Next time?" Buffy was stunned.  
  
"Next baby, Buffy!" The look in his eyes was saturated with lust and desire. "Next time we do it right, we conceive naturally with no machines, no doctors and no interference."  
  
He could hear the hesitation in her voice and the boundaries begin to creep in around them, he knew this was new but dangerous territory he was in, so he let it drop for the moment. Yet he was more than serious about their next child, that they would be conceived naturally as it should have been this time. It really pushed the point home to him that he had made some stupid choices in his life and picking the wrong sister was one of the biggest.  
  
He needed to let her know that he hoped that she would give him...them...another child, maybe not so close after this one, but yet still a child made together out of something stronger than an a frozen stick in a needle in a doctors office. Also to assure her that he wanted her, desperately wanted her as the mother of his next child, and more importantly his lover.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
He let it slide the rest of the day allowing them to have the freedom of the day free from worries about the outside world. Today they lived in their own world, fortifying their relationship together as they talked for hours about what they wanted from their lives. He even managed to persuade her into going to town for dinner and a walk along the main street, openly hand in hand or his arm across her shoulders. It did turn some heads in the town, the Freemantle's were well known. It was made even more obvious to every passer-by that walked by the couple that Spike was the father of the child she carried and that he was proud to be by this woman's side. A few mouths dropped as they realised that the woman was no other than Lily Freemantle's sister. Spike had a suspicion that it wouldn't be too long before the whole world knew with all the gossips that this town held.  
  
He even wondered if he subconsciously did it to make it clear that he didn't want to hide her or the baby from anyone anymore. They were open for scrutiny now, and would probably become cannon fodder for some, but he didn't really care. It made one thing clear too him though, he'd have to call home now before any of the town gossips did and break the news to his parents that they were going to be grandparents to a Freemantle-Summers' child after all. They'd just have to get used to the fact that it was coming from an unexpected source and not the one they expected the baby from. Spike waited until Buffy had gone to have a long soak in the bath, after complaining of sore muscles from the long walk that he 'made her do' to call his parents.  
  
Walking into the study he picked up the phone extension, and dialled to his parents' town house in London, only to find that his mother had left for the US that day. The housekeeper had expressed his mothers concern for his whereabouts, Mrs. Freemantle decided to come and find him herself, 'to sort the boy out!' Thanking the housekeeper for her titbit of information he hung up and dialled his parents' home, it picked up on the third ring.  
  
"Hello Freemantle." His father answered the phone, with his usual straight to the point manner.  
  
"Dad?"  
  
"William? Is that you?" Spike could hear his father's voice boom of demand down the line. "Where in the blazes have you been? You've had us in knots trying to find you! Never mind your poor mother! And what about the office? You left it in a bloody shambles, not to mention the clients that are threatening to leave! So what have you got to say for yourself boy?"  
  
"Umm, hi Dad! Nice to hear your voice," Spike replied to his father.  
  
"Is that all you've got to say for yourself, young man?"  
  
"No dad it ain't..."  
  
"Well where are you William?" His father asked him. "When are you coming home? Your mothers here!"  
  
"I know dad, and I am home." Spike scratched his head wondering how he was going to explain this one to his father. "Dad look I'm home and I'm okay. I needed to sort some things out, but there are some important things that you need to know."  
  
"Home, but no one's been answering the phone, or the door? William what's going on?"  
  
"Like I said dad we need to talk. I think you should come over here so I can show you something, then you'll understand. Dad please understand that only you can come, not mum. Not yet anyway."  
  
"When?"  
  
"Tomorrow, but Dad?"  
  
"Yes William?"  
  
"Not home, home. I'm at another address," Spike lowered his voice even further even knowing that there was no way she could hear him speak. "It's 1630 Revello Drive."  
  
"But that's..."  
  
"I know dad, I'll explain when you get here. Just tell mum that I'm okay, everything's okay."  
  
"You have a lot of explaining son."  
  
"I know, Dad, I know."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
9.44am  
  
After another restful night lying with him in her bed, comforted by his presence, she slept like a baby. Waking up with a sudden urgency that she was busting to go, the pressure on her bladder was terrible; the baby was doing flip-flops, making the sensation worse. She got out as quietly as she could without waking him and ran to the downstairs toilet so that she wouldn't disturb him with the noise. She could also help herself to some of the chocolate she craved, that she'd hidden under the sink in the kitchen without Spike rolling his eyes at her for eating something less than wholesome, like he always did.  
  
After finishing the task at hand, Buffy walked into the kitchen and had her hand on the cupboard door when the front doorbell rang. It was only 9.55 a.m. on the wall clock and she wasn't expecting anyone so with some anticipation she opened the door. Swallowing hard she looked at who stood on her front door step as she hid as much as she could behind the front door and looked at Spike's father peculiarly.  
  
"Mr. Freemantle...what can I do for you?" Buffy quietly asked the man on her porch.  
  
"Awhh, Buffy, how are you my dear? I believe my wayward son has come and invaded your home."  
  
"Spike?" She whispered in response. "Spike's here, just hang on I'll get him for you."  
  
"May I come in please dear? This hips playing up, and I'd love to sit down."  
  
With great hesitation, she opened the door to let the visitor in, and raised a hand to motion for him to come in. "Please take a seat in the living room, Mr. Freemantle. Would you like a cup of tea or coffee while I get him?" Buffy regained her composure somewhat.  
  
"No thank you." Mr. Freemantle was to occupied looking at her abdomen and her obvious pregnancy. "Buffy, you're pregnant?"  
  
"Yes." Buffy whispered in response, "Yes I am."  
  
"Lily didn't say anything before she left William! Congratulations my dear! When did you get married?"  
  
"I'm not Mr. Freemantle."  
  
"Not?"  
  
"Married."  
  
"Oh you're not....ohh sorry dear...you know us old foggies, baby usually equals marriage. Well it did in my day!" The sarcasm lay thick in his voice. "So is the father around at least Buffy?"  
  
"Yeah, Dad, he is." A strong resinate voice came from the staircase as Spike flew down them two at a time until he came to stand next to Buffy.  
  
"Well then introduce him to your old man, so that I can give my congratulations the fellow." His father replied to his son.  
  
"You already know him Dad and thanks." Spike put his arm possessively around Buffy and pulled her too him.  
  
"Oh my god!"  
  
A/N Thanks to Kirsty, Karen and Mel for your help...will repost when Darcy gets it back to me.... 


	13. Daddy Dearest

Chapter 13  
  
A/N edited by Kar with many thanks  
  
Daddy Dearest....  
  
"Oh my god!" was all his father could say over and over again, the stunned look and shock covered his face. Mr. Freemantle leaned into the wooden doorframe for support as the news began to hit him.  
  
"Dad!" Spike moved away from Buffy and helped his father through the doorway into the living room and to the sofa. "Dad, are you alright?"  
  
"Yes son, I'm fine," his father looked from a concerned son to a horrified young woman. "It's just not what I expected. I mean it's the last thing that I ..."  
  
"Dad, please let me explain..."  
  
"What? That you were having an affair, too! That Lily drove you to it?" Mr. Freemantle's anger made his words seethe. "You made Lily out to be the instigator of all this mess, but by the looks of things I'd say you'd beaten her to it. But with her sister William? That's low son, really low."  
  
"Dad, it's not like that!'  
  
"Don't tell me it was love at first sight William! Next thing you'll tell me that you've loved her all this time!"  
  
"Dad! That's not how it happened!" Spike was really beginning to lose any composed thoughts at this stage very quickly, "You don't understand! You have to let me explain!"  
  
"What! That you've been sleeping with your sister in law, and that you lied to your mother and me! That you have gotten her pregnant! How do you think that your mothers going to cope?"  
  
"Father!" Spike exploded. "Firstly, I didn't get her pregnant!"  
  
"What, was it a miracle conception?"  
  
"No, Dad, it was a planned pregnancy. Buffy conceived for me and Lily, Dad!" Spike can to sit down beside his father. "She was meant to be the surrogate mother, she was meant to give Lily and myself the child that we, no I wanted."  
  
Mr. Freemantle slipped back into the sofa as the revelation sunk into the depths of his consciousness and silenced his sharp tongue. He heard every word that his son said, every vowel rung true and he saw the frightened woman in front of him in a new light. He was never as blind as his own son where she'd been concerned, he'd seen the side glances that Buffy had snuck in when she thought that people weren't looking. He'd even seen her shed a tear or two at time that people thought she was crying in happiness at a special occasion, he knew different it was more like a tear shed in loss and want for something she couldn't have. Yet, he always knew that she'd kept her distance and had never interfered with her sister relationship.  
  
He could see that his son now openly adored her and there was something else there, something that he hadn't seen in his son for a long time. Contentment. His life with Lily had been good at the beginning into their relationship and his son seemed complete with his wife, but after a few years the shine that used to be there was gone, even if his son didn't or couldn't see it, he could. He really wasn't surprised when William had told him and his wife that she'd left, what had hurt was the devastation that it had for his son, and the pain that had flooded deep into William.  
  
"And now?" Mr. Freemantle asked his son.  
  
"Now, Buffy and I are going to bring up the baby." Spike got up and walked over to her, taking her hand he lead her to the other sofa and sat down with her. "Together Dad. We're doing it together."  
  
"And Lily, where does she fit into all of this?"  
  
"No where!" finally Buffy broke her silence. "She has nothing to do with this baby anymore, Mr. Freemantle. Lily walked out on me and her husband for another man. She didn't want the baby or Spike!"  
  
"And you do Buffy? With Lily out of the picture you get my son and his child." Mr. Freemantle asked his son's sister in law.  
  
"Don't you dare talk to her like that, Father!" Spike stood like a viper ready to strike as his temper snapped. "I'm the one that came here demanding to have a place in her life, her house and the baby's! Me, Dad, not her. I'm the one that demanded all this! I never gave her any real choices in this and this has nothing to do with you! This is my family!"  
  
"You're family! You're not divorced from the first wife yet and you've already set up house with the second."  
  
Buffy could feel her mouth drop open and her sharp intake of breath as his father verbally attacked them. It shocked her to see his father like this; it was totally out of character for him, he'd always been the most pleasant man that she'd meet. She could only guess that Mr. Freemantle was only doing it out of concern for his son, but his ugly words stung deeply, and they'd been through enough hard times already.  
  
"Dad, I think that you should go." Spike spoke quietly demanding that his father leave.  
  
"Spike?" Buffy looked at him. "Don't do this."  
  
"What Buffy?" Spike looked from her to his father. "Let him talk to you, to me like we're nothing? No, Buffy. If he can't accept us and the baby then I'd rather not be his son."  
  
"I never said that I'd never accept your child! For heavens sake, William! It's my bloody grandchild!"  
  
"Then show it! Show me some support and acceptance! Show some respect Dad, for me and Buffy."  
  
"I'm sorry, William." Mr. Freemantle stood up to his son, and touched him with his hand on his arm. "I'm so sorry, William, it's just such a shock." He turned to look at the young woman that still sat on the sofa, "I'm sorry, Buffy, I had no right to say anything."  
  
"No, you don't, Mr. Freremantle, this is between me and your son. We've been through hell and back in the last few weeks, and not you or anyone else is going to stuff it up!" Buffy's anger surfaced as she said her peace, she knew that there would be some resistance from his family. She also couldn't deny the fact that some of the anger came from the fear of how her own family would react in front of them, and the hurt that they hadn't contacted her sliced through her, it was if she didn't even exist. She could feel the tears begin to form behind her eyes as she felt Spike's arm come around her shoulders to comfort her and support her. Buffy felt the soft kiss on the back of her head, as his pulled her further into the sofa and put his arms around her the best he could.  
  
"Dad, you have to understand that this is what we both want, and we've both chosen. Lily's leaving was probably the best thing to happen lately, at least she's really showed her true colours." Spike looked at his father as he put his hand over their baby. "But this is my child and I would choose the baby and Buffy over anyone any day. So you either accept the child and us, which goes for you and mother, or ..."  
  
"I get the picture, William!" his father came back with in response to his son's warning.  
  
"Fine and dandy. As long as we're clear on that one."  
  
They all sat in silence for a short time as what had happened penetrated itself into their consciousness, and the realisation of what was going on around them. Spike seemed satisfied that his father knew exactly where he stood and what he expected from his family as he outlined it for his father. Buffy was perplexed at the whole situation, and what the implications would mean, she knew that they might get some resistance from his mother, but she didn't really give a damn, well she did a little for Spike's sake. Maybe once the baby was here, his parents may soften a little towards them and the situation.  
  
"I'd better get home before you're mother starts wondering where I am." Mr. Freemantle spoke softly breaking the silence, even if it was a statement that both father and son knew not to be true, it was just a convenient escape tactic for him to leave with some dignity intact.  
  
"Are you going to tell mum?"  
  
"Of course, it would explain some of your missing time and behaviour! You may think that she doesn't care much because she never shows it son, but she was worried about you."  
  
"What taking two weeks before trying and find me?"  
  
"Spike please!" Buffy interceded as he spoke, "Not today please."  
  
"Okay!" Spike looked at his father, as he reclined into the sofa, and let go of the disappointment he felt towards his parents, and which he wanted to air. "Luv, for you anything." Spike spoke with a strong conviction in his voice as he stared straight into his fathers' gaze in defiance making his stance on how things would be quite clear. Accept us or forget us.  
  
"Thank you Buffy." Mr. Freemantle got to his feet and walked towards the door, as the couple on the other sofa, moved in the same manner and direction behind him. "I hope you realise that that you have my support," he looked at his son refuting the his son's earlier rebuke, "my wife might be another matter, but she'll come around. Better yet it will be guaranteed when the baby is born."  
  
"It better be Dad," Spike put his hand around Buffy in showing their unity. "It's still the same for Mother, she accepts the three of us Dad, as a family or nothing."  
  
"William, your mother..."  
  
"Just making sure that you understand the rules, Dad, I want to misunderstanding for the future."  
  
"Fine," Mr Freemantle walked out the door but turned before the door was shut behind him and looked at the young woman with his son. "Buffy, I am glad that you are having the baby, and I'm sure that Evelyn will, too, despite what my son might say."  
  
"Thank you." Buffy spoke with a quiet clarity of what he was saying to her, she watched as he walked down the front path to the car that was parked on the curb. She looked at the man beside her as the tension rose in his body and resulted in the muscles of his cheeks begining to twitch, and the arteries in his neck begining to bugle. He obvious greater concern was that his family wouldn't accept her and to a lesser extent their child, she could feel the apprehension radiate from him in waves as it poured of him.  
  
She shut the door after a short time of just looking into the void of the empty street that just saw the occasional car drive by, it was apparent that Spike wasn't going to shut it. Buffy didn't want her neighbours getting a free look into her personal business, not that they'd had free front row seats to the drama that unfolded in front of them on a daily basis. She took his hand leading him into the kitchen, making him sit on one of the stools behind the breakfast nook, as she pulled out a pan to heat up some milk.  
  
He watched as she prepared him his favourite drink, as she yanked out the cocoa and pulled the cupboards apart until she found those little marshmallows that he loved. She had yet to say anything about what had happened between his father and himself, he could feel the fear rise in him, it felt like the ground that they'd covered was threatening to give way. She finally placed the mug in front of him, as she leaned across the bench she ran her had to his check from his chin with a strained but gentle smile.  
  
"You and your dad will work it out." Buffy tried to reassure him of something at least. "Looks like you two have issues?"  
  
"Buffy, my dad could go to buggery for all I care. The important people here are you, the baby and me. What he says, thinks or does is irrelevant." Spike looked into his drink unable to look at her in fear of what he might see.  
  
"Is that what's bothering you?" Buffy finally clicked onto what he was raving on about. "You're frightened that I'm going to back off somehow because of what he or your mother might think?" She couldn't contain the laughter that exploded into the room from her mouth. "God, you're thick, Spike! I wonder were you got your brain from sometimes!"  
  
"I'm what?"  
  
"Thick! As in have no idea! Lost to reality!" Buffy moved around to the other side of the counter, as he moved to sit on the side of the stool so that he faced her. "As in I'm not going anywhere. As in I'm here to stay. As in I'm yours for life."  
  
His jaw dropped as she stated her intension and the truth of her commitment to them and him. Yet she still had yet to say the words that he truly longed to hear, to embrace and to say back to her when she said it. He was afraid to say anything after the last time that he tried to tell her the truth in what he felt, it was true that he doubted that he would have a repeat performance, but he didn't know if he'd get the response he wanted. Spike didn't want to push the boundaries just yet, he already made more head-way than he could have every imagined. It was going to be interesting when she was greeted with the news of their next big move their life together, but then again that's another chapter yet to unfolded.  
  
Buffy looked at the deep seeded fear that was reflected in his eyes, she could see the need that he had to just grab onto her and hold her. Just to reassure himself that she was here and going to stay. It worried her that she felt this from him twice in one day, especially this morning as they lay in bed together and now that same feeling sat in front of her. She leant forward and reassured him in the best way she knew, she softly kissed the skin that lay over his cheekbone, until she reached his mouth.  
  
Delicately brushing her own lips against his own, she grasped the soft tissue of the flesh between her own, and at times nipping it with her teeth, grasping the blunt edges of them along the tissue. Over and over gently expressing the reassuring rhythm of her need for him, and her want of him, she knew that he was so unsure of the future despite her reassurances but she didn't know how else to reassure him. She tried to express it with her touch and in her kiss, but she doubted it would be enough, they'd been through so much in the last few weeks. Buffy wanted to assure him that she was with him all the way, and in every way.  
  
"I'm here okay and I'm not going anywhere," Buffy moved back slightly from him. "Why don't we go out? Get away from here for the day, as our covers been blown, and your mother may show up! I don't think that I could cope with that."  
  
"Good idea, Goldilocks." Spike pulled her back down to kiss her again, but she only allowed him a little pleasure before she pulled away. "Hey, I wasn't finished with you. Luv!"  
  
"What's with the 'Goldilocks' business?"  
  
"Well what am I supposed to call you? Luv? Pet? Sweetheart?" Spike pulled at her hair that hung over her shoulders, running it between his fingers. "Goldilocks?"  
  
"Ohh," was all she could say as the colour of his eyes darken to a deeper shade of blue, and as she watched the desire rise within then. "Ohh...that Goldilocks? The three bears story?"  
  
"Yeah that one Luv. Especially the bit about 'whose been sleeping in my bed' bit?"  
  
"Spike!"  
  
"Hmm, gives me ideas and fantasies to survive on."  
  
"Spike!!!"  
  
"Well, Luv, cannot wait to see if your hair bounces when we..." He stopped suddenly when she lifted a nearby spatula threatening to hit him with it, Spike gently grabbed her hand as a mock grin filled her face, "This flapjack ain't ready to be flipped, Luv."  
  
Spike stood up from the stool, still holding her hand that threatened to hit him with the implement that she held in her hand. She gently tried to pull herself out of his grasp, as his other free hand slid down her arm and onto the thigh that it rested upon, he watched as her mouth dropped open in surprise as he slowly drew it up dragging the dressing gown that shielded her body from view. He watched her struggle for oxygen as he gently scrapped his nails along her inner thigh. He stopped just above her shorts that she'd slept in last night. Spike moved his hand to the side of her thigh and continued with the upward motion until reaching the side of her panties. He watched as she appeared to stop breathing when he traced the panty line down for a few centimetres until her hand dropped the spatula and grabbed onto his, halting his movements.  
  
"Buffy, I want you."  
  
He didn't remove his hand, but he lent in and kissed her with a gentle passion, that was tender and reassuring. It still demonstrated the deep restrained passion that he was holding back from her, frightened to scare her away. She eased his hand away from her inner thigh and around to her waist the best she could, pulling herself as closely into his body as she could. Returning his kisses, as she deepened it just for a little while opening his mouth to her tongue. Tasting the soft flesh within, exploring the ridges of his mouth and the soft and hard textures that she found within. Sliding her flesh along his as they embraced the passion that flowed between them and united them. Until they could feel the fire begin to burn between them.  
  
Buffy was the first to pull away from him as he grasped her hips and ground himself into her, showing the extent of his need for her. She untangled herself from him, as she straightened her clothes out, and looked at the floor to unsure if she wanted to see the hurt and disappointment in his eyes. Buffy had to admit to herself that she should have pulled away earlier but she was too caught in the heat of the moment.  
  
"Don't you want me, Buffy?" Spike moved up to where she stood and lifted her chin up seeing the uncertainty in her eyes.  
  
"I want you," Buffy looked away from his gaze. "But I don't know if I'm ready to yet or that I can?"  
  
"So you're saying you want me, but not yet?" Spike looked at her in concern, "Or you want me but you can't because of the baby?"  
  
"Both..."  
  
"But you want me?" He just had to ask he had to be sure.  
  
"Yes, I want you!"  
  
This was beginning to frustrate her so she moved her hand to his t-shirt that he'd slept in and ran a single finger down it along the hard ridges of his chest and abdomen until it rested on the top of his abdominal muscles. She gentle began to draw a circle around his flesh until she touch the taunt fabric of his sweats that outlined his erection. Palm down she tauntingly massaged the straining flesh that continued to harden under her gentle strokes. This time it was his turn to gasp and seem to be unable to breathe, as Buffy increased her pace and the pressure of her strokes that she placed on his flesh.  
  
"I want you more than I can say or show you."  
  
Her words echoed in his ears and penetrated through the cloudy haze that hung in his mind, but he could still hear her caution from before. Her hesitation in moving things too forward to fast, deep down he knew that he wouldn't want anything more than to get her into his bed and satisfy her until she was screaming her lungs out with his name on her lips. As much as he didn't want too he removed her hand from his erection and took a few deep breathes to get the oxygen flowing back to his brain, and let some sanity reign.  
  
"Please, Luv, stopor I won't be able to stop, even if you asked me too." Spike asked her in a low toned voice.  
  
"I don't have to.. I could..." Buffy stumbled through her words, shy and a little embarrassed.  
  
"No, Luv, please..." Spike walked a few feet from trying to put some safe distance between them, when all he wanted to do was just grab her and run upstairs to their bedroom. "Maybe we should go out like you said. Take a break from here. Besides my mother might show up and we wouldn't want her to find us in any compromising situation, do we?"  
  
Still caught in the daze of the desire they shared Buffy blindly responded, "But we could go upstairs? She wouldn't know anyone was home..."  
  
"Luv, we have plenty of time for everything, just not right now. I think we need to get out of the house cool down, and hide somewhere else just in case my mother comes hurtling through the door."  
  
Buffy only nodded in agreement with what he was saying, still a little stunned by him turning her down for at least a little pleasure between the two of them. She'd let him take her out for the day, and she'd make sure he'd spoil her rotten, but when they got home tonight, that would be a different story. Despite all of her misgiving she knew she was willing too give some of herself over too him, but not all of it, not just yet anyway.  
  
But soon.... 


	14. Seeking Answers

The Surrogate  
  
A/N Thanks to Kar for her quick edit job...thanks sweetie...  
  
Chapter Fourteen  
  
Seeking Answers  
  
8:20am  
  
Buffy sat at the breakfast nook, paper in one hand and juice in the other trying to get her prenatal vitamin down her throat and as usual it seem to just stick. Flipping over the page she scanned it, nothing catching her attention. She was too busy thinking about last night and the evening that her and Spike had spent on the town. As usual, he'd circum to her every whim; they ate at her favourite restaurant and walked along the lit streets of the city centre. It had been a pity that it had to end, but she'd become tired and he'd insisted that they return home so that she could rest and get some sleep. Snuggling next to him in bed, she'd slept like a baby and unbeknownst to her he'd just watched her sleep.  
  
She could hear the shower running upstairs and impatiently awaited for him to come down for breakfast before he officially went back to work today. After the visit by his father, Spike had thought it best that he return to the family firm and try to clean up some of the mess that his disappearance had caused. Buffy would dread having to face the crap he would be getting from angry clients, but she supposed that he would charm them back to civility. Yet most importantly make bridges back with his family, his father seemed to some what accept the situation, but his mother was another concern. One that she hoped that Spike could deal with and she just didn't know if she was up to facing another unhappy mother.  
  
She dropped the paper as her thoughts moved logically to her own parents and the hurt that just sat under the surface of her being. It stung her deeply that neither of her folks had even tried to call her. Buffy had no idea what they were thinking, feeling at this moment or what they understood about the situation she found herself in. What wasn't undeniable was that her mother wouldn't be happy with the current situation between Lily and Spike, and she couldn't even conceive what her mom would be thinking about herself and Spike.  
  
Buffy had put off calling her parents for various reasons, the main being that she had to get her own life in order first before she could even think of introducing them to even the idea that she was pregnant. Or even more dramatic the fact that Spike was the father, now living in her house and would be a permanent fixture in her life. 'What a tangled web we weave', Buffy thought to herself. Recollecting Mr.Freemantle's reaction to the news of her pregnancy, she knew one thing...that she didn't want a repeat of the other day between herself and her parents.  
  
Looking at the clock she made her decision and picked up the portable phone and with a shaky hand she dialled her parents' home number. Buffy could feel the anticipation rise up from herself as she felt like a lead brick rested on her sternum, she swallowed back the bile that threatened to hit her mouth and sat down again before she fell down. The line continued to buzz with the ringing tone, each second that passed felt like an eternity to her. Finally, the phone picked up and a familiar voice answered the phone.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Mo...Mom?" Buffy asked even though she knew who was at the end of the line. The silence was deafening, not a single word came from the other end of the phone, just a light sound of static. "Mom..." she could hear the sound of movement on the other end of the line until someone finally spoke.  
  
"Buffy?" her stepfathers voice resonated through the earpiece.  
  
"Yeah it's me," her voice quiet and broken. "Where's Mom?"  
  
"She's a little lost for words at the moment," his voice filled with concern. "We haven't heard from you in such along time Buffy, but then again what's happened with your sister, I'm not surprised."  
  
"I'm sorry," was the only words that seemed to come from her throat. "She didn't really leave me with much choice."  
  
"Buffy there's always choices! But shacking up with your brother-in-law after breaking up the marriage isn't a smart choice, Buffy! Your mother and I are very disappointed in you," his words were cold and heartless; obviously Lily hadn't told them the truth about her split with her husband. Buffy wondered whether she'd told them about the baby or her new relationship with Liam James. This was typical of Lily, she told people what she wanted to tell them truth or lie, it didn't matter to Lily but she hadn't pulled something this devious in years, not since they were children.  
  
"So Lily told you what happened then? That she left William for another man and let me with such a mess like you wouldn't believe..."  
  
"Buffy, I know what you've done young lady and I don't want to hear your excuses! How could you do this to your sister?" her stepfather interrupted her.  
  
"I didn't do anything! Lily had an affair..."  
  
"My daughter would never do that, she loves her husband! How can you accuse her of that! Considering that you were sleeping with her husband!" he just kept interrupting her. Buffy mind screamed in frustration as he wouldn't even let her talk, Lily seemed to have gotten there first and he wasn't going to listen to a thing that she had to say. She only wished that her mother would have given her the courtesy to talk to her, them maybe she could have told her what was really going on.  
  
"Believe what you want to, but it didn't happen like that! Lily can do no wrong and Buffy disappoints again. I hope that the truth comes out and you and Mom will see her for the deceiver that she really is," Buffy spoke with a formidable voice that tried to relay the depths of her emotions. "Tell Mom that I love her."  
  
Buffy turned the phone off before he could get another word in, but one thing was so clear to her. Her family had abandoned her and sided with Lily, she closed her eyes and tightened her grip on the phone as her desolation struck her. Tears began to run down her eyes as silent cries of sorrow that wouldn't come from her throat, gently she began to rock on the chair that she sat on. She felt the warmth of Spike behind her as he put his arms around her waist, raising her until she stood, with her back against his chest. With some gentle prodding, she turned around to face him and burrow herself as closely as she could in his arms.  
  
"Shhhhhh, sweetheart," Spike pulled her hair away from her face as she hid half her face on his chest. "They'll see one day Luv, they'll see the truth. You've got us, Goldilocks; me and the baby," with that he swayed in time with her gentle rocking motions, he could feel her pain and devastation. He wanted to grab Buffy drive over to her parents, and show just what Lily had done to him and their daughter, he couldn't believe that they seemed to doubt her truth.  
  
He'd been listening to her conversation just after it would appear her stepfather had gotten on the phone, 'bloody git' Spike thought to himself, 'deserves a punch on the fucking nose!' Taking the phone from her vice like grip, he turned it on and dialled his father's private number, waiting for him to pick up he pulled Buffy in as close to himself as the baby would let him. It was obvious that he couldn't go back to work just yet, Buffy was far more important than that, he only hoped that his father would be more understanding than Buffy's stepfather.  
  
"Dad, sorry can't make it today," Spike tried to be as quite as he could as not to scare Buffy off. "It's hard to explain, but it's impossible to come in today." A pause then, "yeah Dad, it's Buffy...no it's not the baby...Dad the baby's fine...parents." With that, he turned the phone off and put it down the best he could onto the breakfast nook as he watched as it fell to the floor with a thud. The noise startled Buffy out of her daze as her head snapped out from his chest, her face red and eyes ruddy from her tears, her mouth set in a line thin.  
  
"Lily lied to them! They believe HER!" Buffy voice was full of venom and hate for her sister. "She told them that I broke up your marriage! That I was sleeping with you!"  
  
"Fucking bitch!" Spike looked like he wanted to annihilate something. "Bloody fucking bitch!"  
  
"Spike why? Why would she do that?"  
  
"Simple Luv, make us look like the baddies and get your folks on her side," Spike ran a hand through his wet hair. "Bloody hell!"  
  
"What am I going to do, Spike? I can't have Mom think that I broke up your marriage!" Buffy began to tear again. "Lily always convinced them of anything that she wanted to. How am I meant to fix this, Spike?"  
  
"I don't know, Luv, I just don't know," he took her face into his hands. "Buffy, you have to remember that I'm here, the only thing that really matters is us and the baby. If you need something to hold onto then hold onto us."  
  
"I know," she hugged him the best she could. "But it still hurts."  
  
"I know baby," Spike tried to console her. "Luv, maybe you should go back to bed and rest."  
  
"I don't want to go back to bed, Spike," Buffy pulled herself away from him and wiped the tears away from her eyes. The look in her eyes changed from hurt and anger too something that he just couldn't describe. "What do you want to do, Luv?"  
  
"See Dr. Singer."  
  
After a few frantic phones made by Spike he managed to get an appointment with Dr. Singer that morning. Several times he tried to get the reason why the urgent need to see the doctor, but all she would do was reassure him that the baby was fine. She refused at point blank to discuss anything about the baby or the morning's phone call with him any further. Spike was getting frenzied with her refusal to talk with him, all he could think was that her stepfather had done a good job at screwing with her mind. He still had it in mind to go and beat the living shit out him, in the past he'd had a lot of respect for the man, but now all he could think of him was that the man was an idiot. He had even more contempt for Buffy's mother; she wouldn't even talk to her daughter and that he couldn't understand.  
  
Together they sat on the couch in the waiting room, Spike refused to let her out of his sight as he held her hand in a death grip. It was becoming irritating for Buffy, especially when she'd been asked for a urine sample and he wouldn't leave the bathroom till the nurse had intervened and suggested that he leave to give her 'some privacy'. As soon as she handed the sample to the nurse, prior to her appointment Spike had grabbed her hand and lead her to the first seat. He sat there letting out large frustrating exhales of breath as she still refused to talk to him about why she wanted to see the doctor so urgently. After what seemed an eternity, Dr. Singer called for Buffy, and as she stood she pulled her hand away from his and walked into the office, without once looking at him.  
  
"So what seems to be the problem, my dear?" Dr. Singer asked as he shut the door, raising a hand to gesture her to sit down on one of the two chairs in front of his desk. "Don't want William on this visit?"  
  
"No," Buffy quietly spoke. "I just wanted a check up and to ask you something."  
  
"Alright, let's start with the usual," the doctor moved to his desk unpacked the blood pressure machine and took a reading. "Hmm, a little up, but nothing to worry about. Buffy, would you get on the scales please." He moved around to his desk and wrote in her medical file that lay open on the desk, he quickly followed her to the scales. "You're putting on the right amount of weight for your term. Okay on the examination table." Buffy moved down from the scales and onto the examination table, she watched as the doctor measured the girth of her abdomen, and placed the foetal monitor over her stomach. The steady quick beat of the baby heart thumped through the speaker attached to the monitor, after pushing the 'rhythm' button on the equipment, the doctor retrieved the printout out it produced. "Okay heart beats fine, your putting on the right weight and baby seems to be growing at the right rate for your gestation period Buffy. So what's bothering you young lady?"  
  
"Umm it's ummm just that...ummm," Buffy stumbled out her words. "I want know if...if I can..." She was interrupted by loud yelling outside and the secretary loudly but calmly trying to quieten down someone. The shrill of the phone broke her concentration, as Dr. Singer rushed over to answer the phone, she could hear the 'oh', 'umm' and 'okay see what I can do' as he spoke to the other person on the other end of the line.  
  
"Buffy, it would seem that William's getting a little testy out there. Any chance he could come in before he rips my office to shreds?"  
  
"But...?" Buffy felt torn, she wanted to say 'yes' but she wanted an answer to her questions.  
  
"Alright, Buffy, a shot in the dark answer to your question. You can as long as your comfortable with it and not a high risk pregnancy, which your not, but be gentle okay."  
  
She felt like her face was on fire with embarrassment and a little shocked at the doctor's statement. "But I wanted to ask..."  
  
"What, Buffy?" Dr. Singer was getting slightly agitated with the whole situation. "Have I misjudged your question? I..." he was unable finish his sentence as Spike forcefully pushed the door open and made his way into the room. "Mr.Freemantle! This is a private consultation if you please!"  
  
"No, I don't please!" he walked with a determined gait over to where Buffy now sat on the examination table with her feet hanging over the edge. "Are you alright?" He watched as she answered with a nod, but could help but keep her gaze on her shoes. Looking back at the doctor, he asked him, "Are they both alright?"  
  
"Mr.Freemantle, I'm sure that Buffy will inform you and your wife with the progress of her pregnancy when you get home!" Dr. Singer's agitation at being interrupted during a consultation showed in his manor and stance. "So if you don't mind I'd like to finish this privately and give Miss. Summers some dignity please!"  
  
"My only concern here Dr. Singer is Buffy and the baby. It would also seem that you are unaware that circumstances have changed doctor, Lily is no longer a part of this equation so I'd appreciate it if you don't inform my soon to be ex-wife any information concerning Buffy or myself!"  
  
"Oh umm I..umm...I didn't realise that your circumstances had changed," Dr. Singer walked to the door and held the handle as he gestured for him to leave. "Both are fine William. Now if you don't mind!" With some reluctance he looked at Buffy as she still wouldn't look up at him, he turned back to the doctor and with an unhappy look on his face he walked out the door as Dr. Singer slammed it behind him. "Buffy, what is going on?"  
  
"It's complicated Dr. Singer; I don't know where to begin?" Buffy looked up at him her eyes laced with concern. "But it's alright, William's here for me and the baby?"  
  
"Is that all Buffy? Just there for you and the baby?"  
  
"Like I said doctor. it's complicated beyond imagination..."  
  
"Buffy?" Dr. Singer concern filled his face; he walked over to the young lady that sat on his exanimation table. "Do you have any idea what you're getting yourself into?"  
  
"Yes, I do," she took his hand in trying to reassure him that everything was all right. "She left awhile ago and his been there for me like no one else is, and he wants to be with us."  
  
"Us?"  
  
"The baby and me," Buffy smiled at him with all the hope that she felt about herself and Spike. "Believe me we've been to hell and back, but he's been there all through the hard times and it's not over yet."  
  
"Yet?"  
  
"Lily left such a mess, more than myself, the surrogacy and let alone William, but we're moving on with our lives," Buffy let his hand go and got herself off the table. "I'm sorry that you're caught in the middle of this all Dr Singer, but plan is that I'm keeping the baby and his or her father's apart of our life."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Yes 'oh'," Buffy repeated the doctor's exclamation. "So doc, the baby's okay and I can..." Her embarrassment caught her again, as she watched Dr. Singer walk away from her and went to his desk and pulled out a pamphlet.  
  
"This should answer all your questions, and yes you're fine and so is the baby," he went back to the door and opened it, letting her exit after she gathered her bag. "But only if you feel it's the right thing, Buffy?"  
  
"It is and thanks for your concern, Dr. Singer."  
  
"Only if what feels right, Buffy?" Spike stood in front of her exit out of the office. "What's going on?"  
  
"Nothing!" she pushed him gently out of the way and proceeded to walk out the front door.  
  
"What is she talking about doctor?" Spike demanded from the man in front of him.  
  
"You'll have to ask her that!" Dr. Singer turned to the waiting room. "Mr. and Mrs. McLachland please."  
  
Spike virtually ran from the room trying to catch up with the petite blond, sometimes he just didn't know where she got her energy, as she disappeared down the hallway. "BUFFY!"  
  
3.20 pm  
  
"Buffy talk to me! What did you and Dr. Singer talk about?" Spike paced the kitchen floor trying for the umpteenth time to get the truth from her. "Please baby, tell me!"  
  
"Nothing! If you hadn't come bursting in, them maybe I could have finished my consultation and asked him what I wanted to know!" Buffy was getting angry with his constant nagging about what had happened in the consulting room.  
  
"What am I expected to do, Buffy? You're mum and dad blow you off then you demand to see Dr. Singer! Yet you refuse to tell me why you went to see him! All I get is 'the baby's fine'. Well I know the baby's fine, but what about you! I need to know you're okay!"  
  
"Spike, I'm fine, yeah I'm hurt about Mom and Dad but I didn't expect anything different really. I want to find Lily and blow her up, yeah I'm upset with Lily," Buffy voice quietened as she spoke more to him, she stood up from where she sat and halted his pacing with a hug. "But I got you and the baby and the most important people in my life are here with me." She grabbed his hand and lay it on her tummy, "the baby" and as she lay a hand on his cheek, "you".  
  
"If something was wrong, you'd tell me right?"  
  
"Yes, you idiot! I've told you a thousand times, you stupid man!" Buffy walked away with a huff and headed up the staircase towards their bedroom. Leaving him to stand there with a furrowed brow and a lost look on his face, she was up to something but he just couldn't put his finger on it yet. Well not yet anyway.... 


	15. Want Need Have

The Surrogate  
  
By  
  
Mercy  
  
NC-17  
  
HEALTH WARNING : Contains Fluffiness...studies have shown that this is an addictive substance, and people can develop dependency the more they read it.  
  
Thanks to Kar for another edit job..luv ya sweetie...:lick:  
  
Chapter Fifteen  
  
Want, Need...Have  
  
Spike paced the kitchen as thoughts flowed in and out of his mind, she still hadn't told him why she'd gone to see the doctor, and when they'd gotten home she still flatly refused to tell him. It irked him beyond belief that she was holding something back from him, but most importantly it really hurt. She'd had a bad enough day with her stepfather on the phone without his constant nagging he supposed, yet he couldn't help but worry about her and the baby. If she'd only bloody well tell him what the urgent problem was he'd be much happier, running a hand through his hair he decided the best thing was to confront her about it before it became a major issue.  
  
Walking up the stairs he could hear her in their bedroom, knocking lightly he opened the door to find her foraging through her drawers, her suitcase open on the bed. The pain hit his forehead immediately as the flashback to when Lily had left and the chaos in the master bedroom which she'd left it in. Spike felt like something had penetrated his heart and felt it crumple beneath his chest. 'Not again!' screamed through his mind, 'not her!' Spike made himself walk through the door, each step so heavy it was like lead was attached to each foot. Even as he walked in she continued to pack her clothing; she even glanced questionably at him a few times.  
  
"Spike?" Buffy asked him quietly, he looked like he was either going to collapse or be sick. "What's wrong? Sit down." She moved the suitcase down onto the floor and literally dragged him down onto the bed. "Are you alright?"  
  
"Why?" the whisper carried across the room.  
  
"Why what?"  
  
"You're leaving...me."  
  
"Huh?" Buffy's eyebrows pushed together as she finally understood his question, the drawers too her dresser open and the suitcase. "You know, Spike, sometimes you take the cake!"  
  
"Just tell me why?" his voice becoming angry with hurt and pain.  
  
"Again, Spike, huh?" Buffy shook her head in disbelief. "I'm putting away the clothes that don't fit me! Hello, pregnant woman! Still expanding at an expediential rate!"  
  
He just sat there on the bed his hands covering his face; he was so emotionally wired that he just couldn't do anything else. She'd lead him on a merry dance today, and this had been the last straw; the secrets and now he thought even though he was wrong that she was leaving. It had been one fucking horrible thing after another, and he just couldn't stand it anymore, even though she was just doing the simplest of tasks of packing the clothes that no longer fit her.  
  
"Bloody hell, girl! Thought that you where packing to leave. I come in and your packing your clothes into a suitcase, you've been secretive all fucking day! What am I supposed to think?" He was really getting angry with her as his face tightened accentuating his sharp cheekbones and elongated his face. "I thought that we'd worked through things Buffy, especially the no secrets thing! That was my fuck up and one that I don't want to go through again!"  
  
"Hey don't you think I know that, Spike?" Buffy moved over too him and put her hand on his shoulder as she quietly spoke with reassured tones. "I'm not hiding anything from you and I'm not leaving, okay," Buffy kicked the suitcase that sat near her feet. "It's the only thing that I could find to fit all my stuff into, nothing seems to want to fit anymore. I'm getting so fat!"  
  
"You're not fat, you're pregnant!"  
  
"Says everyman to his...his..." Buffy really couldn't finish of the sentence, she'd never really pondered what exactly she was and it perfectly moved the conversation away from him thinking she was leaving. Yet still was she girlfriend? Partner? Friend and Partner? "Anyway that's what you guys always say too make us feel better!"  
  
"Bollocks! My girls' pregnant with our child and what else am I gonna think!" He put a hand over her abdomen rubbing the soft fabric that lay between her and her skin. "To me you're the most attractive woman I've ever laid eyes on, especially now with my child inside you."  
  
"Attractive?" Buffy looked away with her guilty secret making it impossible for her to look at him.  
  
"Yeah, Luv!" Spike pulled himself onto the bed, moving Buffy with him so she lay on her back and himself on his side right next to her. Running a hand down her face, he smoothed the flesh of her neck and left arm as he leaned over her with the tips of his fingers. Not missing the goose bumping of her flesh, he repeated the motion on her arms as he sighed and watched her reaction. "I can't help but think about you, hard not too when you're lying down next to me in our bed, or snuggling into me, Luv! Surprised that you haven't noticed the obvious!"  
  
Despite his words she had felt the obvious most mornings that he hadn't gotten up before her, she usually escaped using the excuse of the need to go to the loo as an excuse to ignore the obvious. Or Spike would leave the bed hurriedly before she woke up, but there had been morning where she just wanted to stay in their cocoon of warmth and ignore the 'obvious'. That was not to say there hadn't been occasions that she hadn't felt the gentle rocking motions from him as he kneaded her thigh as he moved the 'obvious' against her, in his half asleep state.  
  
"Don't even think that I don't fantasise about you, Buffy. Here in our bed, naked with me between your legs and you screaming out my name as you come. That I don't see you riding me, beautiful and lush with your pregnancy, knowing that I just want to be inside you!" He leaned into her, grasping her jaw with the hand that had caressed her arm, with slow soft 'just there' kisses he brushed his lips along her own. "Or that I can't wait until the baby's born and I can finally have you! Buffy that's my fantasy, you and me!"  
  
She was a little taken aback by his admission, not that it surprised her, it wasn't the first time that he'd said that he wanted to make love with her. But the raw energy that was oozing from him was captivating, she could feel her response course through her veins, and the need to experience that raw energy became infective. Every previous thought that she'd had about this moment flooded through her mind, every doubt and insecurity pasted through her consciousness, but the main thing that she worried about was that she did it for the right reasons.  
  
When she'd gotten home from the doctors, she realised that she'd gone for the main reason of asking about could she be with Spike intimately and got her answers. But her reasoning behind needing to know was bothering her immensely, Buffy thought about the objective in setting out on such a course. The phone call in the morning had shown her parents clear rejection of her, and she'd felt so alone, even though she knew she had two people that loved her she still felt the abandonment of her folks hurt her deeply. She supposed that she wanted to experience a closeness to Spike like she'd had before and she craved to be so close that it obliterate everything else in the world.  
  
She knew that this decision had to be based on one thing and one thing alone. Love. She'd never denied her true feelings for him, but had never let them come so close to the surface like this. She could truthfully admit it to herself and finally to him that she was truly in love with him, and totally commitment to him. They both had been through trials and ordeals that no couple should face, and they were the most unlikely two that karma had brought together. Yet they gotten through each hurdle, obstacle and hindrance that karma threw their way. It was so obvious that they were meant to come together, but still this had to be for the right reason for Buffy. Her desire and want of him was undeniable, but it would be the final surrender of herself to him and the final piece of her heart. So she made her decision....  
  
Buffy lifted her hand and grasped his face between her own, as he continued with his gentle kisses, opening her mouth she nipped his top lip with her teeth and pulled softly. Gently soothing the top of his lip with her tongue, responding to her invitation he darted his own out to meet hers. Sliding his lips over her own; he slid into her mouth, gliding over her teeth, and stroking her soft palate until the two meet, darting around each other as the kiss deepened to a deeper passion. Neither sought dominance over the other just the gentle caress that they offered each other, not demanding, just seeking each other in this moment.  
  
She slid her hand down his shirt, pulling on the fabric trying to bring him closer too her, crumpling the fabric beneath her hand. She kept moving down until she reached his belt buckle, instantly she felt him trying to pull away from her mouth, as she tightened her grip on his face, and Buffy wasn't willing to let go. Doubling the tension she had on his belt, she pulled him even harder against her making sure that she didn't put too much pressure on her abdomen. Clumsily she tried to undo the belt with one hand, Spike reacted by breaking his hand away from her face and putting it over her hand, halting her attempts to undo his buckle.  
  
"Buffy?" his face full of question and concern, yet laced with need, lust and passion. She relaxed her hand in his grasp, as he held it still, feeling her let go of the buckle he let go of her hand and she responded by flattening her palm against his trousers and slid her hand further down. Taking his erection deftly into her hands, she gentle squeezed and massaged the straining flesh against her hand. She watched as he just for a moment stopped breathing and tightly closed his eyes, allowing himself to have a moment of pleasure form her. "Please, Luv!?!"  
  
Buffy didn't know if it was a half strangled cry for her to stop or keep going, she could feel his erection gain length and width from her touch. His pants strained against the hard flesh, creating more friction that she used to her advantage as she moved along it with her nails. He seemed to go slack as his hand let hers go as she continued to touch him, with a single finger she traced the length of him, until she reached his belt again, tracing the leather, she pulled the end out of the trouser loops and pulled it up against the buckle until it gave way and loosened itself. Lifting the leather apart, she undid the button and slid the zipper down, letting his straining cock out of the confines of his pants.  
  
She could hear her own strained jagged breath, as she tried to control her shaking hand as she took him within her grasp. He gently pushed himself towards her in response to her tightening her grip on his straining flesh; his eyes closed in pleasure and his head threw itself back as the rest of his face went taunt, making his face become more angular. His hand came to grasp the baggy sweatpants that she now wore; she could feel the pull of his hand over her hip as he gathered the fabric in his palm. Blindly he pulled even tighter as she slowly drew her hand up and down his cock, light caress to the burning flesh.  
  
She watched as his mouth gape open as he ran his mouth along his teeth until it curled along his soft palate, his eyes still closed it was like he was in his own world. Encouraged by his sharp intakes of needed oxygen, Buffy gentle trailed a nail along one of the protruding veins along his cock. Feeling hampered by her pregnancy, she let him go as she lifted herself up on her elbow and started to shimmy down the bed. Yet for Spike this break in the constant rhythmic stokes on his flesh broke his hazy mind and brought him back to reality with a thud.  
  
Remembering her words just a few days ago about not being sure if she could, or yet even louder if she would despite wanting him. He pulled himself away from her body, and sat himself on the side of the bed with a very surprised Buffy dragging herself up behind him. Misunderstanding his intensions, Buffy pulled herself up until she sat on her knees with her front grazing into his back. Running her hands along his arms until she reached his shoulders and then the collar of his shirt, she unsnapped the first three buttons until Spike put a hand over hers, ceasing her movements.  
  
"Buffy, what are you trying to do to me, Luv?" Spike voiced was gravely, loaded with desire and frustration. "Please sweetheart stop! I can't...I want..." he quickly pulled her hands away from his shirt, and tried to rise from the bed as her hands formed a large band around his chest. "Please, Luv! I don't think I could stop myself even if you wanted me to," Spike turned himself on the bed slightly so that she could see his frustration shine in his eyes. "God, I want you!"  
  
"I want to," her words where quiet and barely audible. "I want you!" Buffy grabbed the fabric of his shirt on either side the best she could, even though it was more under his armpits, and pulled with all the might she had. With a high-pitched rip, the buttons flew across the room landing in every direction, bouncing off the furniture and carpet. Tugging the shirt out of his trousers, she slid it down his arms as he sat so still and yet the muscle quivered under her hand as she ran it over them. He didn't move one inch, too frightened that he would just slam her down onto the mattress and fuck her senseless, like he'd wanted to the last three-four months.  
  
He remembered the first stirrings of lust and desire he had for her, as that same rage pulsed through his body; he had to calm down, try to concentrate as her hand dipped around his waist to his cock once more. Capturing the head of his penis between her thumb and forefinger, she circumnavigated her thumb around the soft but firm ridge of the flesh she held. Buffy continued to compel him towards insanity as she nipped at his shoulder with her teeth, biting tenderly at times and soothing the skin with slow licks of her tongue.  
  
"Baby, please don't tease me!" Spike moaned out against the gritting of his teeth as he struggled for control. But she continued to agonisingly do just that, with a few flicks of her thumb against the sensitive head, he lifted his hips of the bed in response, making her lose hold of his cock. Taking advantage, she whipped herself onto her haunches and ripped her own top off, throwing it to the floor followed by her bra. Spike leapt from the bed as he watched her remove her top, and he turned he was faced with a semi naked Buffy; his mouth gapped open as he gawked at her lush breast and hardened nipples. "Buffy! Fuck! Sweetheart, please, you're killing me here!"  
  
Buffy watched as he struggled to hold his pants together through his raging erection, she almost laughed as he tried to zip his pants back up, his face was still contorted somewhere between pleasure and pain. Buffy took further liberties as he stumbled through this new situation; she slid her sweatpants and panties down her legs, leaving herself in all her naked glory. Spike looked like his eyes where going to pop out of his head as his gaze travelled up and down her naked form, especially on her abdomen which made Buffy feel insecure. Unsure of herself she started to pull the coverlet over her body, Spike quickly reacted to her attempt to cover up, nearly tripping over his pants as he grabbed the coverlet and pulled it away from her body.  
  
"Don't you dare cover yourself up again! I want to look at you!" Spike spoke with a hint of authority in his voice. "You've opened Pandora's Box now, Buffy!" He sat his leg on the bed, as he guided Buffy to lie down on the bed on her back, making her as comfortable as possible. Not happy at being so intently gazed at, she revolted against him and pulled him down against herself, pushing with all her might at his waistband, trying to get his pants off. "Once their off, Buffy, they stay off!"  
  
"I...I...we..." Buffy stumbled though her words, she'd thought about the moment that she'd give herself to him for along time, and it was never meant to be like this. Never meant to be awkward. She felt like a teenager again with no sexual intuition or initiative, just fumbling around and embarrassment. "I want you to take them off!"  
  
"Tell me what you want me to do to you, Goldilocks," he could feel her hesitation and awkwardness. "Snuggle?" Spike pushed his trousers off, and kicked them until they hit the floor, sliding himself up against her body until he rested on his side, face to face with her. Taking her face in his hand he gently kissed her with such sereneness, "Kiss?" He intensified the kiss as he sliced through her lips with his tongue as he explored the moist flesh he found. For a few minutes they kissed with a deep passion that they'd only experienced a few times with each other, it was deeply sexual and burned with such a deep intensity that she felt like her nerve ending were on fire.  
  
He let go off one side of her head, and trailed it down her throat until it came to her breast, which he softly weighed and manipulated it in his hand. Tugging at her nipple, he pulled away for just a second as he quickly slipped down and licked the nipple before returning to her lips. "Or I could make you come so hard that all you'd think about was oblivion and us as you scream out my name." He heard her sharp intake of breath the moment he mentioned him making her come, taking it as a cue he dipped him hand further down until it came to her pubic bone.  
  
With one single digit, he slid it into the wet folds of her flesh; she was already moist from his arousing words and touch, using the moisture that he found he pushed in further as he used his other hand to push her knees apart. Instinctually she lifted her legs and spread them apart without even thinking about it, giving him greater access to her body. Taking advantage off it he slid another finger in with the other, as he traced the gentle curve of her body. Up and down in slow strokes, from the tip of her clit just to the bottom of her vaginal opening, sometimes teasing her by beginning to stroke her clit in a circular motion and then going back to his slow long strokes of her body.  
  
"Can I do this to you, Buffy?" Spike asked despite the fact that he already was, he watched as Buffy could only nod her head. "Can I touch you, my love?" Spike caressed the entry to her vagina with a single finger, gently grazing the tip of the wet flesh with soft strokes. Buffy nodded her head again, as he slide the whole finger inside her, unhurriedly he glided it across her wet centre, exploring the flesh that he came across with slow controlled strokes against her aching walls. Already he could feel them clamping down on his invading hand, he caressed every inch of her walls until he found his target as he curled his fingers to tease and tantalise her g-spot. He watched as she grabbed onto the sheet that she laid on, her hand pulling and squeezing the fabric as her pleasure intensified into a pulsating rhythm created by his hand.  
  
"More...please, Spike...more?" Buffy whimpered her desire to him. "It's alright," came out in such a hushed tone, "we can make love." Buffy looked away from his inquisitive look that he gave her, to were his hand lay on her body covering it with her own, she pleaded with him, "please!"  
  
"Make love, Buffy?" he asked as he still held his hand firm despite her pleading and nudging of his hand by her. "What are you saying?"  
  
"That we can make love...I mean that we can have sex," Buffy nearly choked on her words. "That's why I went to see Dr. Singer. He said if we're gentle and if I'm on..."  
  
"Love or sex, Buffy, which is it?" Spike pulled himself suddenly back up the bed. "No let me rephrase that! Are we having sex, Buffy, or are we making love? As in 'I love you and you love me'?" The need to hear the words from her shone in desperation on his face, it was want he wanted what he craved from her the most.  
  
"Both."  
  
"Buffy, please, Luv, just say it! Don't torture me anymore! Say it!" Spike kissed her with such desperation and destitution that he oozed it, she could feel it penetrate her every pore. "Please, Luv, let me hear you say it!"  
  
Buffy watched the light in his eyes change constantly from pure love to desperation and fear, fear that she couldn't say the words or wouldn't. That one moment in time he dreaded was repeating itself, remembering the last time he tried to tell her that he loved her and her ardent refusal to hear his words. He so desperately needed to hear it from her. Buffy could feel the surge in his desperation to hear the words, but just saying them wasn't enough she so wanted to both show and say it too him. So she took charge of the situation.  
  
Pushing him onto his back, she forced him to lie under her gaze as she sat on her heels looking at his prone body. Buffy smiled at him reassuringly as she lent in over him, kissing his face, and finally with gentle strokes of her touch she coaxed his mouth open. His mouth quivered under her own as he struggled with his control, she teased and taunted his tongue with her own as they tempted each other with passion and fire. In a quick bold move, Buffy hoisted herself over his stomach until she sat straddled over his abdomen.  
  
Spike instantly reacted by placing his hands over her hips, trying to get her to hold still which she refused. Grabbing his hands she slid them up over her abdomen until they reached her breast; with his hands covering her hard nipples, she let him massage the firm flesh between his fingers. He watched as her face contorted with bliss and pleasure from what he was doing to her, but still it wasn't enough for her and not what she wanted to show him.  
  
Letting go of one of his hands she shimmered further down his narrow hips, enough to lift herself up and pull his straining erection forward towards her wet flesh. Grasping the head she slowly lowered herself onto him, careful of her centre of gravity as to not topple over and frighten the man that lay beneath her. She watched as his face as it went pale and his eyes widened in astonishment as he watched his cock being swallowed by her scorching flesh. He was totally dumbfounded; this was the last thing that he expected from her, Buffy gently rocked herself setting a sure and strong shallow rhythm, creating excruciating delicious pressure on his cock, causing his pleasure to proliferate.  
  
Spike watched as Buffy face expressed her own pleasure, and her release of little 'nawh' as she gyrated downwards with her hips, her eyes never leaving his as she moved upon him. Finally, Spike couldn't stand the pressure anymore, as he grasped her hips and applied a little pressure encouraging her to take him deeper. "Please, Luv, deeper!" he watched as she became mesmerized by his words, "Take me deeper, Luv, I want to feel that wet flesh of yours squeeze me!" Spike watched as Buffy's face became a lovely crimson colour, he could feel her slight embarrassment. "God you're so fucking wet...that's it, Luv, deeper...more...fuck...so beautiful!" He slid a hand up and over her abdomen, pushing her slightly on the hip he motioned for her to stop when he was fully seated within her; he looked at her with sure an intense gaze that it shocked her.  
  
"Spike?" Buffy asked her voice broken and laden with pleasure.  
  
Spike took a deep breath in and continued to stroke her abdomen, his eyes moved from her face to her breast to her abdomen and finally where he lay within her. It was like all time froze as he continued to just look and touch her. He didn't attempt to thrust deeper into her, or encourage her to start moving again. Buffy titled her head to the side questioning to him, she watched as a single tear came to his eye and slide down his face as he finally spoke. "This is how he or she should have been made Buffy, with me here inside you, surrounded by you...." He stopped speaking unable to finish, so she did it for him.  
  
"And made with love, William," hearing her nearly made him jump out of his skin, Buffy only called him by his birth name when it was really serious. Spikes grip loosed on her hip as she began rocking gently above him, backwards and forwards, creating such a delicious friction between the two of them. Spike ran his hands along her body until they grasped her buttocks, giving her support as she rode him; he could see that she was beginning to tire as her legs began at times to buckle from under her. She finally spoke with her words causing them to spiral into such a blissful plane, that he had to grit his teeth as he nearly orgasmed and he nearly lost all consciousness as she said them. "I love you, Spike! I love you..."  
  
He responded by sliding his hand back down her stomach until it came to lay on her clit, with quick and circular strokes, he felt her internal muscles tighten and flutter around his cock, and a flood of moisture being released from her body. With each contraction, he experienced from her brought him closer to orgasm and a step closer to nirvana.  
  
"My girl loves me?" Spike asked her again as she increased the length and depth of her gyrations against him.  
  
"Yes...oh god! Yes...I..." Buffy felt her orgasm approach, "love...you!" She spoke with each stroke of her body above his. "Spike! I want..."  
  
"I know, , Luv...let me feel you flutter your pretty muscles against me," Spike gently thrust himself against her. "Buffy...sweetheart....I need to say it, but..."  
  
"Oh my god...." Buffy just heard his words, but she responded to his call, "Tell me." At the same time Spike flicked her across the clit with the right pressure and angle that he sent her into her orgasm. He watched her as her emotions played across her face as she came, but lost in her haze she refocused to watch him as he felt himself spiral up behind her. She could feel the hard flesh of his cock as she slid herself along its length as her muscles constricted themselves. The pressure that the friction created, she felt so full that nothing else would ever fill her again, creating a hunger that demeaned satisfying. Not lost on her awareness of him he said the words he'd been dying so long to say....  
  
"I love you."  
  
Buffy watched as he arched himself deeper inside her with such a slow thrust that it was pure agony; she knew that he was being careful with her, treating her like a fragile creature. She could only imagine what fire would burn between them when the baby had been born and he would she was sure unleash his total passion onto her. It was intoxicating and mesmerising, just as much as she watched his face contort as he came, his face and body strained against her own and her name passing quietly against his lips as he came down from his slice of heaven.  
  
Spike finally opened his eyes looking at the woman that still straddled him; the satisfaction lay written all over her face. "Snuggle?" he swerved himself sideways the best he could as she playfully smacked him on the chest, "Umm no snuggle." Buffy reacted by hitting him again and lifted herself away from his body, and settle herself as comfortably as she could on her side beside him. "Comfortable, Goldilocks?"  
  
"Hmmm, very thank you."  
  
"Didn't hurt you, Luv?" Spike asked her. "Was it alright, not to rough?"  
  
"No it was...was just perfect." Buffy gently kissed her lover as she lay in his arms. "It was pure bliss, and if I wasn't so tired..."  
  
"Sleep, Luv," Spike pulled the coverlet that lay on his side of the bed over them, as he finished he kissed her in one final devastating passionate kiss. "Never feel that I don't want you pregnant or not! I know that this probably wasn't 100% comfortable for you, but once the baby's born..."  
  
"Stupid man! Go to sleep!" Buffy tried not to laugh at him. "It was fine! It wasn't uncomfortable for me this time, but maybe as time gets closer to the birth..."  
  
"When will that be?" greedily he looked at her, as he slipped his hand down her thigh. "I hoped we could do this again soon..."  
  
Buffy looked away in disbelief, like he'd said maybe she'd opened Pandora's Box, but at least she totally ached with satisfaction. "Well maybe you could go and ask Dr. Singer this time for permission. I mean I don't know if we can again or how long we can since you rudely interrupted the consultation. You'll just have to ring and make an appointment tomorrow!" She tried not to smirk at him.  
  
"I will first thing tomorrow...what we can't without Singer's permission! But...we...we just!" Spike swallowed hard as he digested what Buffy just told him. "What every time we want to make love?"  
  
"Yep," Buffy struggled even harder not to laugh at him, it was sweet revenge! "Every time."  
  
"Love, we'd need an open appointment with the man and his home phone number...hey!" Buffy finally broke down into tears and laughter at his total acceptance of her word. "You're kidding me, right?" With that Buffy rolled over to her nightstand, pulled out a draw and removed the pamphlet that Dr. Singer had given her the day before. Spike grabbed it from her and flicked through it, "Hmm you on top or on your knees...hmm finally I have you on your knees..." He stopped as Buffy grabbed the pillow and hit him over the head with it.  
  
"No, mister, I'll have you on your knees!"  
  
"You already do, Luv! You always have!" 


	16. Want Need Have A Second Helping

The Surrogate 16

HEALTH WARNING : Contains Fluffiness...studies have shown that this is an addictive substance, and people can develop dependency the more they read it.

By

Mercy

**WARNING Contains strong sexual content, please don't read if not of age or strong sexual content offends you!!**

Thanks to Kar for another great edit job....big hugs and kisses sweetie you're such a great friend!!

_Want Have Need...A Second Helping..._

Buffy stretched out on the bed as the alarm clock went off; she rolled over with her eyes still closed as she banged on the 'snooze' button. Reaching over, she grappled with air as she struggled to find a non-existent Spike not lying beside her. With a grin on her face she opened her eyes hoping to see him in the en-suite. Looking, she could see that he wasn't there and didn't appear to be anywhere in the master bedroom, lifting herself out of the bed, she slung her body over the edge and grasping the sheet, she covered herself and went out in search for him. Finding him in the kitchen eventually, she watched on as he stood over the stove cooking eggs, he hadn't noticed her arrival down the stairs as she stood at the doorway.

He stood naked in the kitchen, with the blinds open onto her next-door neighbours, Spike appeared to be one thing and that was not shy. He jumped back suddenly as the eggs hissed and spat oil at him, picking up the pan and taking it off the heat; he sat it on one of the cold elements. Wiping himself with a tea towel, Buffy quickly walked into the room, hiking up the sheet as she went to his aid, wetting the tea towel that she grabbed from his hand, she held it against his now reddening chest.

"And I thought me and cooking weren't mixy things," Buffy pulled the towel away to check the skin for forming blisters. "What are you doing cooking in the kitchen without any clothes on?"

"Hey I can cook thank you, at least I don't burn water like some do, Miss Summers," Spike laughed at her as he grabbed the hand that held the towel in place over his chest. "And cooking naked is one of my favourite hobbies if you please. It also has its advantages that I'm ready at a moments notice." Spike emphasized this by sliding her hand on his chest down towards his groin and the already straining hard flesh against his stomach. "Maybe you'd like to see if something else is ready to heat up?"

Spike grabbed Buffy by the sheet and began to pull it away from her body, turning slightly back to the stovetop he turned the gas off and put his full attention back her. She tugged against the gentle grip he had on the linen as she tried to move out of the kitchen, one thing for sure was she in no way wanted an audience. She titled her head and shrugged her shoulders towards the living room as she moved backwards. Spike shifted himself behind her, embracing her around her waist as he guided her to the living room.

"Kitchen not your style Luv?"

"No. Neighbours getting a free peep show do it for you, Spikey?" Buffy pouted her lips and drawled on her words. "Or maybe a 'how pregnant woman do it?' exhibition?"

Pulling her onto the sofa, he sat with a now naked Buffy on his lap as he pulled the sheet away from her as she sat down. He slipped his arm around her waist to give her more support as she slid back as comfortably as her pregnancy would allow, Buffy ended up sitting sideways on his lap, grasping his neck for more leverage. With a sexy smirk on his face he looked her up and down, again and again until his free hand began to follow his gaze. Over her shoulder down her breast and across her girth, he slid two single digits of his hand running it back until he held her face in his hand.

"No exhibition madam, this is a private show only," Spike said to her as his face descended to her own. Taking her lips with his own, he covered the soft skin with gentle nips and swipes of his tongue, butterfly kisses came in between the teasing of her flesh. "I want you...last night wasn't enough Buffy...I want more...

"I know," Buffy slipped her hand down between them and grasped his now straining cock between her hands. "Are you always this hard, Spike?"

"Since karma threw us together, sweetheart, always," Spike lifted his hips off the sofa in response to her question. "Just gotta look at you these days Buffy and I get hard. Just wanna grab you and find the closest place to fuck. Watch those sweet lips of yours around my cock." Spike slid one of his hands between her legs as he continued to kiss her, punctuating each one with words. "Getting caught between your legs, feel you so wet for me, feel you come around me. Been fantasizing about you for so long."

Buffy could feel herself began to shake a little as a flush of pleasure spread through her, his words although a little embarrassing, were something that she wasn't used too, but she found them so stimulating. Just as stimulating as the hand that began to strum her clit, soft gentle strokes of his finger around and over the hardening nub. Buffy spread her legs further as he slid an opposing finger adjacent to her clit, along the wet fleshy tissue just rubbing its surface, not really going anywhere, just spreading the growing heat and pleasure along her pussy. She remembered the care and tenderness that he'd displayed for her the other night, the first time they'd made love and the second slow sensuous second time that night. But this was raw and passionate, it burned and smouldered threatening to consume her, nevertheless she felt the yearning to give more to him this time.

Last night had all been about her, even though she knew that he had derived an absolute pleasure from their joining last night, for it to all be about her again just gave her no satisfaction. So she decided to set the pace tonight and let it be for him, and the pleasure she could receive from him by inflicting the most delicious pleasures. With a devilish smile on her face, she slid from his lap and onto her knees in front of him, holding onto his legs for balance.

"Buffy?"

Taking hold of him in her hands, she slid her fingers along the growing ridge of his cock, the skin stretching and the veins beginning to bugle as it harden beneath her grasp. With deliberate slow up and down movements of her hand she stroked him, he watched as she applied increasing pressure into her grip, his face becoming distorted at times with the bliss she was creating for him. He bit gently onto his lower lip as she softly tugged on his knee with her other hand, motioning him to move forward and sit on the edge of the sofa. Doing as she asked, allowed him to lean forward, taking her face into his hands again he initiated a slow, long, deep and passionate kiss as she continued to play with his cock in her hands.

He invaded her mouth with his tongue as the rough texture of the flesh ran along side of her own, tempting her to explore his mouth in greater detail and depth. Spike pulled a hand away from her hair, and slid it down her neck, collarbone, and along to her breast. Cupping the globe in his hand he massaged the mound in his hand, as the nipple began to harden and peak, between his fingers he grabbed the skin, tugging it forward as the skin stretch slightly under the force. Rolling the flesh between his fingers, as she continued to stroke his cock, at times she would run her thumb just underneath the head of his penis, causing him to break away just for a second to catch his breath as pleasure cascade through the ridged length.

Spike finally pulled himself slightly away from her as she caressed the very tip of him, she could feel the slight shudder that ran through his body and felt the light pressure of his hands under her head. Trying to show that he wanted her to return to his lap or the sofa at least, but she resisted the urge to do as he asked and remembered her original intensions. Finding her own pleasure within his, this was his night. Sitting back slightly on her haunches, she licked her lips slowly with her tongue, flicking it out for a peep every now and then, as she slid one of her hands along his chest as she pushed him back into the sofa. Leaving his hips still on the end of the sofa and his back arched onto the rear of the sofa, and his arms stretched out tangled within her hair.

With slow deliberateness, Buffy moved her head forward towards his hips, looking at him all the time, she kissed his left knee and began to place soft kisses, nips and licks along his inner thigh until she just reached his groin area near his hip. Grasping his cock now in both of her hands, she licked the tip of his penis like an ice-cream cone in slow short bursts, running her tongue between the small ridge she found carved into the tip of his flesh. Making Spike grasp her hair tighter as she continued to tease him, through squinted eyes he watched as she slid him deeper into the recesses of her mouth, running her tongue along the veins that had grown along the ridge, twirling it around him and sucking his cock until he moaned in ecstasy.

Spike pushed gently against her head as she bobbed her head up and down as she held onto the base of the hard stem, her hand curled along the part of the ridge she had yet to envelope in her mouth. He encouraged her to explore the long extent of his hard flesh, as he gently pushed down on her head.

"That's it Luv, more....just a bit more....fuck Buffy...."Spike was lost in a vortex of pleasure and pure ecstasy. "Such hidden talent...didn't know that you could do this Goldilocks....that's my girl...suck me harder...please Goldie just a little harder," Spike strained his hips against her now as she did as he begged for.

Buffy enfolded what she could of his length into her mouth, as she increased the depth and time she slide her mouth and tongue along his cock. Grasping her cheeks together, she increased the suction she applied to his length, and her hand moved in time with her head in the opposite direction, continuing the friction along his cock. Spike broke his gaze away from her as he pushed his head back in pleasure, his jugular veins bulged from the pressure, and his cheekbones became more sharpened as he gritted his teeth.

"Baby please...stop...Luv gonna come if you keep that up," Spike pulled on her hair gently. "Want inside you," he spoke between his still gritted teeth. Buffy pulled her face up slightly and looked at him, pulling her mouth away from his cock; she licked the length from tip to base.

"It's alright I don't mind...doing this...being with you like this," Buffy said to him between short teasing licks. "However you want me, Spike, tell me and I'll do it. Anything."

"I know that Goldilocks, you've made that quiet evident, but there are two people here," Spike clutched her hair again trying to get her to let go of his hard length despite the delicious blissful felling he was experiencing. "Need you with me or it isn't half as fun, and being inside you is so much more pleasurable."

With his words, Buffy pulled herself slightly away from his lap finally, breaking the seal of her lips along his veiny flesh, she intensified the lust saturated gaze that she still held with him. Reacting, Spike pulled her up slightly as he slammed his mouth to her own, plundering her mouth immediately with his mouth, he engaged her in a passionate battle for dominance over their sensual dance. It was clear that she'd been in the drivers seat for a while but it was now his turn to take over, he'd guessed that she'd only wanted to return the favour of last night, as he'd made sure that she experienced every possible once of pleasure she could in his arms, that her pregnancy could allow.

She'd blown him out of the water last night, with her enthusiasm, lust, desire and her shyness engaged him to new heights, as he realised that she'd never experienced some of the things he'd done to her before. Her blushing eyes at his words during their lovemaking made him smirk a few times as she would at first look away, to shy too until she couldn't look away anymore and would finally look at him with lust filled eyes. Taking the initiative, Buffy slid herself back and onto the shaggy carpet that lay on the carpet of the living room, with a raised hand and finger pointed outwards with a 'come hither' motion, she invited him to join her on the floor. Sliding himself onto the floor, onto his knees he crawled with a panther like movement until he reached her, stopping until he was facing her back.

Moving in as close as he could to her, he glided his hand around her back, onto her hips and around her pregnant abdomen, with the lightest touch of the tips of his fingers again. Buffy could feel his breath heavy and panting on her shoulder, her hair softly lifting with the force of the gush of air. With deliberate slow movements, he slid his hands up her abdomen and to her breasts, pulling at the peaks for just a moment he continued until her reached her neck and chin. Pushing her head gently backwards with one hand, he locked gaze with her as his other hand retreated from where it originated, until it disappeared back between her legs.

Slipping into her wet folds of her pussy, it spread the lips between her legs and disappeared into the crease of her flesh until his thumb rested on her clit and two of his digits slid into the entrance of her vagina. He watched as she licked her lips and shut her eyes as he began to stroke the tight wet nub of flesh, and thrust his fingers inside her hungry sodden moist walls, clamping down on his fingers for more of his touch. Buffy lifted herself slightly of the floor as he increased the friction on her clit and speed of his thrust of his fingers inside her pussy.

"However I wanted you, you said?" Spike whispered into her ear. "Anything I wanted?"

"Yes," Buffy whispered between gasps of breath. "Anything."

"We're limited for choices Luv, and I don't want to waste time thinking about them," Spike pushed another finger inside her, curling his fingers along the cramping walls and making Buffy began to struggle slightly against him, as she grinded her hips against his hand. Not content with the attention he was giving her, she craved more than his fingers to accelerate her into a higher level of ecstasy. "Get on your hands and knees Goldilocks, time to see how your hair bounces as I fuck you from behind."

Buffy ceased the movements of her hips and pushed her body forwards towards the floor, she slid her hands along the rug as she did as he asked. Causing his hand to slip away from her body, he ran it along her upper thigh as she moved forward, resting on one of her cheeks of her bottom. Pushing himself slightly away from her he watched as she assumed her position on the rug, with his other hand he stroked himself in need to feel flesh on flesh, unable to wait any longer, desperate now to be inside her.

"Spread your legs and lean forward onto your elbows if you can...." Spike voiced laced with lust and burning passion. Grabbing a cushion from the sofa, he placed it under her abdomen to give her some comfort against the fibres of the rug. "That's it Buffy...just lift yourself a little higher up on your elbows ?"

Sitting himself behind her, he caressed her cheeks of her bottom in soft circular motions of his hands. Resting them on her hips, he pulled himself up onto his knees and lowered himself flush with her own body, Buffy could feel his raging erection against her bottom. Pushing himself up and forward, he rubbed his hard cock against her right cheek, after a few short pumps against her flesh, until he took his erection in his hand and moved it between her moist folds of flesh.

He playfully teased her as he slid his cock between her wet folds, using his hardness to stroke and strum her clit, every time the ridge of his head passed over her nub it sent a surge of blazing fire through her body. Spike let his body become flushed against hers, his front covered her back; she could feel his breath on her shoulder again. His other hand reached around to one of her breasts that hung down from her chest from her prone position, grasping the globe he tugged the hardened nipple between his fingers, and cupped the weight of the flesh.

"Can you fel how much I want you Buffy? Feel my hard cock outside your pussy?" Spike whispered into her ear. "Do you want it Luv? Hard and pumping inside your wetness?"

Buffy was so lost in the pleasure that she was experiencing; she could only nod her head as she answered his question. Slipping his cock along the wet path he found, Spike slipped the head inside the open wet core of her body, and grasping her hips when he'd done it, gently pulled her backwards towards his hips. He heard her sharp gasp of oxygen as he filled her with the ridged length, he felt every inch of her wall muscles clamp down on him as he surged forward into her moist folds. Ever so slowly he travel down the path of her core, inch by agonising inch he moved deeper inside her, each inch forward came by a unhurried propelling upwards and downward stroke of his hard cock.

Buffy threw her head back as the tension within her body crescendo, to a deeper depth with every massage inflicted inside her and at times she just felt like she couldn't breathe as her pleasure continued to multiply. With each downward stroke of his cock, he would grasp her hip just that little bit tighter as he brought her closer to his own body, she could feel every cell and nerve ending being stimulated by their lovemaking. As with each longer stroke of his cock inside her, Spike quickened his pace in time with his thrusts, making Buffy rock backwards and forwards on her knees, her hair swayed against her face as the pace increased. He watched in detail as tendrils of hair moved from her neck and down past her shoulders, to sway against her body.

"Are you okay sweetheart? Not to rough or uncomfortable for you?" Spike asked his beloved. "God, you feel so good. So bloody tight and wet for me."

"No...it's fine...fine," was all she could say she was so caught up in her passion.

Moving himself higher up against her, he lifted one of his legs up to a kneeling position giving him the freedom to gyrate his hips higher against her, deepening the angle of his thrusts inside of her. The change in direction caused a flood of burning heat to shear along her nerve endings, as the alteration of his movements dragged out his thrusts and augmented her satisfaction. Without an impediment from her pregnancy yet, Buffy's body screamed for greater release, as she could feel Spike's hesitation to anything that may harm her, so taking things into her own hands, she began to increase the pressure she was exercising in her thrust of her hips against his own. Bracing herself as best she could on the floor, she began to slam herself against him making him flow through her channel harder and faster. Realising that she was alright with this depth of penetration, he slammed himself into her without anymore hesitation, lifting her hips higher against his own. Over and over he pushed himself in and out of her wet core, each stroke giving him such undeniable pleasure and such a feeling of closeness to Buffy enfolded around him.

Even though his mind was so clouded with the sexual ecstasy he was experiencing, he couldn't deny the fact that he'd never felt so close to another human being in his life, he didn't know wether it was because it was that Buffy was pregnant with their child or that it was just Buffy. Yet he could see know that Lily and he had never achieved such heights during their sex, Spike shook his head at that thought, this was about the two of them in their lovemaking not about previous lovers, just such an overwhelming experience between the two of them.

Spike could feel Buffy's walls begin to clamp and pulse down harder upon him, he breathing caught in her throat as he sensed her approaching her climax and turned into a pant. Dropping a hand from her hips, he slipped it back to her clit, rubbing it in a frenzied motion to hasten her climax. Almost instantly, she began to slightly buck her hips against his own as she began her orgasm, her pant became a chant as she said 'yes' over and over again. Buffy began wildly to push herself harder against him as she let herself fall into the abyss that called out to her.

She turned her head towards him as she felt the first rush of orgasm claim her body, her eyes fixed with his as he watched them glaze over. With a few harder strokes of his own body against her own, he jerked against her body as he let his own orgasm grip and flow through him. Tightly now he gripped both her hips with his hands as with one last stroke, he flooded her core with himself, with a loud 'fuck' he come. Slumped against her for a few moments, he let the post bliss surge through him, with a great reluctance but a need to remove his weight from Buffy; he lifted himself away from her, and pulled himself up onto the sofa. With an extended hand he pulled her onto a seat next to him and taking the sheet she brought covered them with it, he guided her to a laying position on the sofa in which he enveloped her within his arms.

"Never get enough of you," Spike kissed her cheek, still short of breath. "Always want more..." his train of words broken by the phone ringing, he pulled against Buffy as she pulled herself up a little to answer the phone. "No let the answering machine get it."

The answering machine finally cut in after what seem an eternity as no one answered the phone, the cordial message played of Buffy saying that she wasn't at home and leave a message after the beep. 'Gonna have to change that to Buffy and Spike', he thought to himself, as he listened in for the caller to leave a message.

"William it's your father," as slight pause followed. "Why aren't you at work, son?" another pause, "You need to come in...it's Lily...she's here and wants to see you."

Buffy gasp of oxygen broke the silence of the room between the two, as Spike stiffened against her at hearing his wife's name, as if caught out by someone. Buffy shot up and dragging the sheet around herself left Spike lying on the sofa naked, and shell-shocked. Looking back at him, she staggered up the stairs and around the staircase out of view, her horror clearly written on her face. With a great reluctance, Spike got up and picked up the phone, turning the handset on and spoke to his father.

"Dad, I'm here," Spike stiffly spoke to his father. "What does she want?"

"To speak with you apparently," Spike father spoke quietly.

"She with you?"

"Yes Son, she is," his father spoke even quicker, his reluctance clearly written on his face. "But she won't say about what."

"Fuck....she's supposed to be in London!" Spike stated in horror. "Buffy's here and heard Dad, she's freaked out."

"Is she okay, William?" his voice laced with concern over the woman carrying his grandchild.

"I think so, Dad," spike looked up the staircase again. "I'll come in soon...I need to make sure that she's okay, she's my first priority. Just what we fucking need after we've just made..." his voice broke away.

"What William...?" his father enquired.

"Nothing Dad, nothing." Spike rubbed his hand against his forehead. "I'll be there soon."

"Take you're time Son, she can wait. After what she's done to you, finish what you were doing and have fun," his father spoke clearly and loudly ensuring that the woman in the room heard what he said. Spike heard a female voice ask his father something and his fathers muffled reply of, "I've interrupted them doing something important...if you must know." In a very sly voice clearly indicating what he'd interrupted, Spike could only smirk at his fathers handling of Lily. Let the bitch know who was the most important person in his life now, and that she'd been replaced already...her own sister now was the love of his life and the most precious thing he held.

Not Lily.


	17. Collide

The Surrogate 17

By

Mercy

NC-17

Thanks to Kar....thank you isn't enough... you're a god send more like it...:)

_Collide _

Spike found Buffy sitting on their bed with the sheet tightly gripped between her hands, she looked so pale against the white sheet, her eyes seemed vacant of all emotion and her cheekbones strained against taunt muscle as her teeth gritted together. He swallowed hard against his fear, still naked he walked into the room, grabbing one of her terry towelling robes he put it on and sat down next to her. Taking her hand within his own, he brought it to his lips, placing soft gentle kisses onto both the palm and forehand as he caught her chin with his other hand; he pulled her face towards his direction.

"Goldilocks?" Spike spoke quietly and lovingly towards her. "Buffy?"

"What does she want?" Buffy whispered so quietly that she could hardly be heard against the silence that echoed throughout the room.

"Don't know, Luv," Spike pulled himself closer to her. "Dad just said that she was at the office and wanted to see me." Her soft exhale of frustration filtered through room, she tightened her hold on his hand as she snuggled into him. "I'll have to go..." instantly he felt her whole body tense against him. "I don't want to deal with the bitch...sorry... woman...Luv, but I have to sometime. I want to get this fucking divorce out of the way, so I...no we can get on with us 'n' bub."

He watched as she twisted her free hand into a fist and slipped the tip of her thumb into her mouth, and gently bit the tip between her teeth. Spike knew that she was contemplating something, but what that was he didn't know, you could almost hear the cogs turn inside her head as she thought about the situation she was confronted with. He titled his head towards her as she looked through him with such an intensely deep gaze so lost in contemplation. Quickly breaking her gaze away from him for an instant, she looked away then back with such an animated stare towards him as she finally responded to him.

"I want to come with you," Buffy spoke sharply and rigidly. "I want to be there and see what she wants. I want to know what game she's playing now! I'm sick to death of her games and it's time to turn the tables. I want what's mine and I want her to know it."

"Yours?" Spike mouth opened a little in question. "Know what, Luv?"

"You Spike. You belong to me and I'm not letting the bitch get away with anything anymore. It's time that she knew that this time she can't have things the way she wants them."

Spike broke out in a soft laughter; it surprised Buffy as she pulled away from him offended that he would find her statement so funny. Shaking his head at her reaction, he kissed her forehead, pushing stray strand of hair behind her ear he smirked at her with his cocky grin. She felt like punching him on the nose to take the damn conceited look of his face, he shook his face with a 'tut tut' noise coming from his throat. Leaning towards her again he kissed her quickly on the lips, pulling her upper lip between his own. Smiling down at her he felt like his chest was going to explode as she stated her case against her sister, and her inner resolve that 'he belonged to her'.

"Luv no let me handle her, it's my problem not yours," he hoped that she would let him deal with it, his mind clouded with to many unpleasant memories of the affidavit, legal documents and letters from Lily to both of them, especially to her. "You need to rest, Luv, you've been kind of busy the last few days." Spike smirked towards her again, smiling widely at her he sent delicious shivers down her spine as he did that curling of his tongue against his upper palate. "Need your beauty sleep and rest up for later on tonight."

Blushing she shook her head at his words, she needed to be a part of this as much as he was, as much as she would love to hand over all the mess and chaos to him, it involved her just as much as it did him. It wasn't only his future it was theirs; she needed give him support and gain resolution for herself where Lily was concerned. Her sister had caused the greatest shift of change in her life, on one hand she wanted too utterly destroy her sister for fucking her around and in the other she wanted to thank her sister for giving her the best two things to ever come into her life. Her baby and her man.

"No Spike, I want to come with you. No discussion. It's about time that I sorted things out with her, make her tell everyone the truth and make her see what she's done to us. Make her responsible," Buffy stared at him. "Make her realise what she given up and what's mine now, and that I won't give you up."

"Buffy, I don't think that it's such a good idea." Spike tried to sway her away from her need to go with him to his office. "Better if I deal with her."

"No Spike, I need to be there in person to deal with a few gripes that I have with her. I won't have you go in as my surrogate..."as soon as the words came out from her mouth she stopped speaking, faltering on her words and all she could do was continue to stumble along. "She has to see, to understand...that she fucked it up, that you and her....you and me are...umm together...a couple."

"Don't think that's an issue, Luv. She gave me up along time ago; I was just such a stupid git that I didn't see it. Kinda glad she did Buffy, cause I get you and 'bit' instead. A much better deal I'd say, Sweetheart," Spike ran his hand down her abdomen in a caress and hold their child within his hands. "Much better deal. Come if you must Buffy, but understand that this is my turf and I take the lead, Sweetheart. I'm sorry but I have to, I have to get her out of my bloody life once and for all."

"I know," Buffy took hold of his wandering hand and encased it with her own. "But I have a few issues with her as well. I need to tie a few loose ends, especially before the baby's born. I don't want this in the shadows Spike; I want it all out in the open," Buffy tightened her grip. "I need Mom and Dad to know the truth about Lily and that James man, I need Mom...."

"Luv," Spike squeezed her hand back. "Let's just concentrate on Lily at the moment Buffy, much easier to slay one dragon at a time. Your mum will come around soon Buffy once the truth is out."

"I still can't believe that she'd tell Mom that I broke things up between you two. Why couldn't she just tell them the truth?" Buffy shook her head slightly. "What did I do to her to deserve that, Spike? What?"

"You'd have to ask her that one," Spike spoke quietly and reassuringly to her. "I just don't know. I suppose I could ask the same of her, I mean why did she have to fuck around with another man...or men? I thought we were fine." Buffy watched as he looked away from her and seemed to gaze into oblivion. "Thought nothing could break us apart," blinking his eyes as if waking up from a trance he tightened his hold on her. "Lucky I was wrong Buffy, so lucky. You and the baby are such a miracle to me, such a gift...something I will never give away or let you go like she did to me Buffy. You and the baby belong with me."

Buffy pulled herself away from Spike as she lifted herself of the bed, and moved towards the bathroom, turning around she looked so trustingly at him as she quickly broke her gaze and quickly moved into the bathroom shutting the door. Stepping into the shower cubicle, she felt the tears form in her eyes and fall down her face mixing with the rain of water from the shower. Her insides were taunt and tense with fear as her mind buzzed with endless possibilities at what Lily wanted. She'd both rejoiced and panicked when she heard that she was in Spike's father's office. Rejoice because she would show her sister that she'd claimed what she so carelessly thrown away. Yet she felt panicked that Lily could still evoke such a strong reaction from Spike, despite his declaration of love and possession for her and the baby. It was silly as she knew that he loved her and her alone. Nevertheless, she could only hope that she could countermand any strike that Lily used against her or Spike to protect them and their child from her.

Spike pulled himself onto the edge of the bed as he watched a worried Buffy head to the shower, he didn't miss the look of trust that she threw him before she shut the door, nor did he miss the hint of hurt that laced the outside of that look. It struck him deep within himself as he caught her glimpse; he knew that they were going into the firing line where Lily was concerned. He was worried what effect it would have on himself, Buffy and the baby, it was so evident to him that even though she'd done the most horrid things to him, that Lily was capable of even more despicable acts, clearly her treatment of her sister where her parents where concerned was a obvious indication.

Spike knew one thing for sure that Lily was out for every thing that she could, especially his family fortune and the houses that they'd owned together. Yet if she thought that she held all of the cards, then she was gravely mistaken. He would do anything he could to eliminate her from his life as quickly as possible, but he wasn't going to give into her every whim just to get rid of her. Quickly and decisively he decided exactly what he would offer the bitch to get her out of his life, and how much it would cost him, not that he really cared, the only thing that he really cared about was getting rid of her to achieve one goal.

To be rid of Lily so that he could make things perfect with Buffy and make her his wife.

Making their way in the lift to his office, Spike nervously moved his weight from one foot to the other as he tightly gripped Buffy's right hand in his left, in his right he grasped his briefcase full of enough evidence to bury his soon to be ex-wife if she didn't want to play nicely. Anxiously Buffy stood next to him; a slight shiver ran along her body in anticipation of a meeting she'd been long dreading, so much had changed in the last few months. She'd gained the affection and love of the man she'd wanted secretly for years and she'd get to nurture the child that grew inside of her, instead of being "Aunty Buffy", she'd be "Mom". Life was so totally different to anything she could have imagined and she wanted to keep like that.

As the doors to the lift opened at his office floor, Spike stepped forward and gently tugged on Buffy's hand to get her to move forward and bring her back to the realm of the reality around her. With a little reassuring smile, he lead her down the corridor and into the office of his family law firm, opening the door for her as she walked into the reception area. Behind an imposing desk a middle-aged woman greeted them with perched lips; she stiffly rose from her desk and walked around it approaching the couple stopping directly in front of Spike.

"Mr Freemantle your father is expecting you in the boardroom," with an open hand she gestured to the door opposite them and turning to Buffy she continued. "Ms Summers would you follow me to Mr Freemantle's office to wait."

"Thanks Andrea," Spike nodded to the woman. "Buffy, go with Andrea," Spike silently pleaded with her to do as he asked. "Just for now Luv, I need to speak with her first and them we can do it together." Gently he leaned over her and kissed her softly on the lips, not moving his mouth just grasping the soft lips between his own, pulling delicately between his own. It screamed of love, comfort and reassurance between the two of them, it seemed to last just a split second but it communicate every word that he couldn't say to her in front of the other woman. With a reluctant nod, she moved away from him and let his hand go and stepping behind Andrea she followed her to another open door, he watched as Andrea shut the door behind them.

Taking a deep breath and letting out a reluctant sigh, he slowly took heavy steps towards the door that would hopefully end the shambles that had been his marriage to Lily. Standing in front of the door, he let his hand rest on the metal handle, loathing to push it down. He stared at the grain pattern imbedded on the door he felt his throat become dry and his jaw hurt from the tension in his muscles. With a sudden jerking movement of his hand he pushed down and opened the door with a shove of his hand. His father stood at the window overlooking the cityscape and Lily sat flipping over papers with her lawyer 'Warren the Weasel' as he'd become known in legal circles. His father immediately turned at the opening of the door, looking from Lily to Warren and then to his son with an angry burning look in his eyes. He gestured with his hand for Spike to join him on the opposite side of the large conference table.

"So Lily, how's London these days?" Spike spoke in icy tones as he approached his side of the table. "Cold I hear, but then again being a cold blooded creature I suppose that it didn't affect you that much."

"Ouch Spike!" Lily faked indignation at his question. "Such manners for your wife."

Spike laughed at her comments, as he placed his briefcase down on the table and pulled the large leather chair out for him to sit down into it. "Soon to be ex-wife Lily, you have no right to the title of my 'wife' anymore."

"And Buffy does?" Lily went straight for the jugular. "One sister not enough for you? Gotta try all of the Summers' girls out in bed?"

"Jealous, Lily?" Spike leant over the table with a smart arse smirk on his face. "That she's a better..."

"William!" his father sharply interjected. "This is not the time nor the place for this. We are here to get this divorce moving and get it over with," he looked from his son to Lily. "Lily, what do you want?" his question to his daughter in law was direct and straight to the point.

"Mrs Freemantle wants all the family homes, $500,000 upfront and $50,000 in alimony a month until she remarries." Warren finally joined the conversation. "As compensation for her abysmal treatment at her husband's hands and his total abandonment of her in favour of her sister Buffy, which I might add is very pregnant with child, which he openly states as his own and flaunts his adulterous relationship with Buffy Summers openly."

"Fucking no way!" spilled out of Spikes mouth as he jumped to his feet shearing the chair from under him and across the room.

"Never!" from his father filled the large room.

"You think that I'm going to give you just about everything I own and monthly alimony for leaving me for that wanker, and leaving your sister pregnant with what should have been our child!" Spike spat at Lily. "You expect me to just hand it over to you! Fuck you!"

"Mr Freemantle, you cannot..." Warren stuttered out in the commotion. "Umm, we aren't willing to negotiate the divorce either you agree or we will see you in court. What Mrs Freemantle wants is fair under law and you know it as a lawyer yourself."

"Then maybe my daughter-in-law would like the world to know that she left her husband, on the day that her sister was told that she was pregnant with a child she'd agreed to surrogate for her and my son. That she left evidence that she had left my son for a Liam James, my son's so-called-best-friend and fled to London. She didn't give a fig for my son's feelings. The child in question was conceived by artificial means and that his relationship with Miss Summers came about after your client left her husband in the lurch, and my son hasn't 'flaunted' anything Warren," Spikes father started to stand up and gestured the two towards the door. "I suggest that you talk to your client again Warren and get your facts straight, I'd hate to have to embarrass you in court again like last time , but then again that wouldn't be too hard."

"Wait," Spike spoke as an embarrassed lawyer and defiant client stood to leave the room and with a stern look on his face he looked at Lily. "Your sister wants to see you, I don't know why after you've made so much chaos, but you are warned Lily. One word or syllable out of place...so help me I'll make your life so fucking miserable!"

"She's my sister, Spike, and I love her. I wouldn't do anything to hurt her more than I have!" Lily quietly spoke.

"Right." Spike shook his head at her disbelieving after all she'd done to them she'd say something like that, but then again he didn't expect anything less from her.

"I mean it, Spike."

"Sure Lily, I believe you." Spike spat at her and walked to the door, opening it he leaned out to spot Andrea in her usual spot. "Bring in Miss Summers, please."

Andrea opened the door to the conference room for Buffy, before her sat Lily and she could only assume her lawyer, Spike and his father. She weakly smiled at Spike and his father; she cast her eyes away from her sister unable to meet her gaze at all. Spike pulled out the chair next to his own as she walked further into the room, he took her hand as she sat down, and with a light squeeze he let it go as he turned to retrieve his own chair and sit in it. Buffy wiggled in her chair trying to get comfortable, as she felt so award and strange in the presence of her sister, she pushed her hair away from her face as she nervously faced her sister finally.

"Lily," Buffy spoke quietly. "How are you?"

"Fine," Lily stared at her sister with a defiant look on her face. "You kept the baby."

"What else did you expect her to do, Lily?" Spike interjected. "But then again you expected her to do something else..."

"William!" his father interrupted him again, staring at him until he watched his son sit back into his chair with a sigh.

"Yes Lily, I kept the baby and you can have your money back I don't want it," Buffy swallowed hard against the bile in her throat. "I'd never have destroyed the baby because my pregnancy had become inconvenient for you or anyone else."

"Humphh, you also get my husband as well Buffy, you got the package deal," Lily spat at Spike. "But you see Buffy, I want what's owed to me and until I do he gets no divorce!"

"Mrs Freemantle, I must warn you that what you are saying is inappropriate for this setting," Warren warned his client.

"He owes you nothing Lily; you walked out on both of us and left us to pick up the pieces. Yes, I get Spike, but you're the fool that gave him up and I'm not letting him go." Buffy spat at her sister all her disappointment and upended rage came forth. "You told mom and dad that I slept with him and broke up your marriage and I'm sure that it's just the tip of the iceberg. Why Lily? What did I do to you that was so terrible that you had to do this too me?"

"You my beloved sister are just caught in the middle, but I don't know what your complaining about you got what you've always wanted," Lily slyly glanced from her to stare at Spike. "She's always wanted you from the moment she laid eyes on you. My husband of all people, she wanted _my_ husband and since she got what she wanted. I want what's owed to me. Compensation for a miserable six years of marriage and you owe it to me, Spike. You owe it to me."

"I owe you nothing, Lily, nothing," Spike whispered to Lily. "You left of your own accord. Yes, Buffy may have wanted me for along time, but she at least had the decency to stay away from what wasn't hers, and I might add then a married man. At least she had some morals to let me stick to my wedding vows, not like you my loving wife," Spike leaned once again over the table. "Don't even think for one minute that you're sister initiated anything in our relationship, Lily, or insinuate that anything happened before you left me."

Lily's sharp intake of breath could be heard loudly across the hushed room as he laid down the facts on the table. He pulled his briefcase towards him and opened the lid with a flick of the locks, lifting up the lid he delved into the contents and pulled out the familiar looking parchment that Lily was well known for using. He looked up at her with such an evil gleam and cocky grin on his face that Lily could only put her hand over her gapping mouth.

"Lily you can have the city apartment, half of what the house in Sunnydale sells for, all the bloody white furniture and contents of the house, all the jewellery that has been given to you by me over the years and $500,000 lump sum. That's it Lily, that's all you get and all you're going to get, take it or leave it," Spike threw a prepared settlement document in front of her. "It's a one time deal, or I will take you to court. You have 24 hours to decide," he looked with a hardened glare at his wife as she slumped back deeper into her seat. "You also will talk to your folks and tell them the truth. I won't have Buffy being painted a whore in front of your parents or anyone else!"

"William," Buffy quietly and anxiously drew his attention from the woman that sat across from them. "Can we leave please...I don't feel so good."

Spike instantly dropped the remaining papers from his hand and turn to her side, with an anxious look on his face he took her hand and helped her stand. His father stood up from his chair and began to place the fallen papers from his sons' hand that lay spilled over the top of the conference table, back into the briefcase they came from. With a hard look of mistrust and dislike on his face, he stared at Lily as he purposely slammed the lid down and snapped the locks down. Spike looked at Buffy questionably as he lead her out of the conference room and into his office, leaving one very worried Grandfather-to-be and a miserable soon-to-be ex-wife behind them. Closing the door behind them, he sat her down one on of the sofas in his office; he poured her a glass of water and offered it to her.

"Are you alright, Buffy?"

"No."

"Something wrong with the baby? Do you want to go to the hospital?"

"No," Buffy tried to smile at him to give him reassurance. "She doesn't care does she? About what she's done to you or me? She only wants the cash."

"I'm sorry, Luv, but the bint only wants what she can squeeze out of me," Spike sat down besides her his hands taking hers between his own.

"I just cannot believe her," Buffy shook her head of the image of the woman that she called a sister sitting in front of her and saying what she said. "I don't even think I know my own sister anymore, I wonder if I ever really knew her at all. It's like an impostor sitting across from me..."

"I don't know Buffy," Spike sighed. "I don't think I knew her at all or if I ever did. But one's thing for sure Luv, I think she's so desperate to keep things quiet and wants the cash so badly she'll play nice."

"Nice?"

"Agree to the settlement then I can get the final decree and we can get on with our lives."

"Finally," Buffy pushed her forehead against his own. "Finally we can be a family."

"We already are Luv," Spike kissed her softly. "This divorce is just the final hurdle and just a formality if I get my way."

"I can't wait for it to be bloody over," Buffy closed her eyes at the thought. "I wish it already was."

"Seems like I'm having some impact on your life already," Spike soft laughter filled the room. "You said 'bloody'."

"Sodding, blimey, shagging, knickers, bollocks...nancy boy," Buffy giggled softly.

"Hey you," giving her a gentle cuddle he kissed her forehead softly. "Welcome to the nancy tribe."


	18. 24 hours in a Day

The Surrogate

Chapter 18

By Mercy

NC-17

A/N: Thanks to Kar, Meli for joining the beta crew for having a look at the fic and doing an excellent beta job on a really difficult chapter for me to write after a bad case of writers block...

For Andrea whose is re-editing one of my fics...brave girl !

**_24 hours in a Day_**

8:15 pm

The wait was killing Buffy as she sat at the breakfast nook, tapping on her cup of warm chocolate milk as dark, unpleasant thoughts passed through her mind. Buffy's brain was swamped with contingencies. What could happen? What might happen? What if this? What if that? Did Lily sign the papers? When would she sign? Buffy was wracked with worry, only wanting Lily out of their lives. Inside her a space of emptiness, longing to be filled, created by the betrayal of her sister and unknowingly by the absence by her parents. As much as Spike wanted to fill every space of her being with himself and their child, she knew that it just wasn't possible; it felt like a sickness eating away at her soul.

Her parents believing Lily struck her with such pain, Lily had always been the favourite of the two girls. It hurt knowing that they didn't even ask for her side of the story; they just took Lily's word for it. Yet there was hope that in Lily's greed for money that she would be forced to tell them the truth and be seen for the liar and opportunist that she was.

Despite everything, Buffy yearned to have her mother near her as her due date came closer everyday; she wanted to have the support that only her mother could give her. It was a vulgar reminder that Lily was meant to fulfil that role of female support and now she had no one because of her. Buffy let out a small laugh as she stifled a yawn and thought about the irony. She wondered if Spike's mother, hard as she was, would be her support. It might even have its advantages in bringing the two women closer together and forging a stronger bond with his family. The Fremantles may be the only family that she may ever know again.

Spike pulled himself around her sitting figure while he stole her mug and sipped on the liquid contents. With a soft swat of her hand, she stopped him from drinking the entire contents. Putting the mug down, he pulled her against the chair as he slid his hands around her shoulders and nuzzled her neck with his lips, nipping the skin occasionally. Buffy reacted by bending her neck allowing him easier access and raised her hand until she blindingly caught his head in her palm. While she ran her hand into his hair, he began pulling her shirt to expose more of her flesh. He slid his hand down into her shirt, tugging at her breast. Licking his way to her ear, she could feel the hairs on her neck rise in response to his tongue on her collarbone, she felt the soft bite of his teeth as they latched onto her ear, and gently tugged it. Letting her go, she could feel his hot breath on her ear and neck as he took deep inhalations of oxygen, with a swipe of his tongue to sooth her skin her spoke to her.

"Come to bed, Goldilocks'" Spike huskily whispered to her. "You need to rest and get some sleep it's been a bloody horrible day."

"You're telling me that you want me to go to bed at 8.30 p.m., with your tongue in my ear and your hand fondling my breast," Buffy pulled her body around to confront him as she turned in the chair. "I'd say that you more likely want to lead me astray, Mr Freemantle."

"What me? Lead you astray, Miss Summers?" Spike faked a look of innocence at her. "All I want to do is take my girl to our bed and fuck her until all she can see is stars."

"It has been a day from hell Spike and I'm sorry but I just can't..." Buffy's tears finally broke through her defences that she'd put around herself. She was tired of being strong it had just been too much to bear. "It's just been..."

"I know sweetheart. We don't have to make love, Goldilocks; we could just cuddle under the doona." Spike moved to the side of the chair and with a gentle hand guided her up to stand. "Come on, time to go to bed."

Together they walked out of the kitchen, along the way to the staircase, up the stairs, along the passageway and finally into their bedroom. Leading her to the bed, he slowly undressed her as she stood still and allowed the tiredness to just roll over her. Slipping one of her nightshirts over her head, he sat her down on the bed and helped her lay down; brushing her hair away from her head, he softly kissed her forehead.

"Can we rest now Spike?" Buffy's words were soft almost silent as she let sleep begin to claim her. "I just want to rest."

"Yes my love, rest. You deserve some sleep," Spike spoke as he began undressing himself so that he could lie beside her, when he was done he made his way to his side of the bed. Turning down the covers, he slide in between the sheet and lay down next to her, without trying to disturb her journey into slumber he gathered her close so that her head lay on his chest and with a tender touch he ran his fingers down her hair. Instinctually her hand slid around his neck to seek further comfort that his body offered her. He watched as Buffy began to take slow rhythmic breaths and her hand slackened its hold around him as sleep finally found her. He watched her.

He began to rememorise each line and feature of her face, each second revelling a new face, and with each passing moment he saw a new version of her appear as she relaxed into her slumber. Her face softened, her muscles lost their tension that had pulled at her delicate features. He saw something that he hadn't seen in a long time, a Buffy he once recognised before all of this mess had started. He guessed that he'd never really had time to see the face that lay before him now, but then again he'd never really looked at her whilst she'd slept next to him.

It was almost like stepping back six months seeing the woman that she once was, and all the stress and anguish that she'd been through because of Lily and himself. He almost wished that he could eliminate the 'Lily factor' from their lives and wipe all the pain that he'd caused her the first few months of their pregnancy. But, he knew he couldn't.

They had to go through all that karma had thrown their way to bring them together and without going through the pain and torment that he would never have this.

Buffy and their child.

Buffy opened her heavy eyelids to the darkness that enveloped their bed; she pulled herself up as much as she could from the iron vice that Spike had encircled her within his sleep. She peered over to the clock and read the illuminated dial, it shown a bright red like a beacon in the night. 3:03 a.m. She let herself down again as she let out a soft sigh at not sleeping through the night, but the heavy doubtful feelings that flew in her mind and images that haunted her dreams wouldn't let her sleep. She kept having a dream filled with loss and despair. Lily appeared laughing at her as she took back her husband and their child from her arms, saying over and over, "Mine! They belong to me. He's never been yours always mine. You signed the surrogacy contract and you gave your baby away to me so it's mine. All mine"

She could feel the slight sheen of perspiration that covered her body and collected over her eyebrows, with a swipe of her hand she wiped it from her brow and let out a large breath in relief that it was just a dream. Buffy pulled herself slightly up the bed as she snuggled in closer to the man that lay down next beside her. In response to her despair, Spike ran his hand over her protruding abdomen and softly sighed. She held her breath for those first few minutes as he touched her, frightened to awaken him and have to explain why she was awake, even though 'why' was so obvious. Buffy keep herself as still as possible, as he seemed to relax back into his slumber, she closely scrutinised his every cease and crevasse that made up his face.

Like every other night, she'd studied the sleeping posture and always saw something new, something that she'd never seen before, she'd seen anguish, hurt and misery cover his face even in the deepest of sleeps. Yet tonight was different strangely enough, she couldn't read his face, it seemed to be a mix of apprehension and reprieve, twisting and churning his skin to leave a taunt tense flesh. His eyes pulsated from side to side as he dreamt the same nightmare the fear of losing all that they'd gained. His breathing became more rapid and irregular as the dream appeared to take hold and make him its prisoner. His hold on her tightened so much that it caused her great discomfort.

With as much strength that she could she pushed him away, trying to escape from the grip that he held her in. The more she pushed the harder he held onto to her, she shook him with such force that he almost feel from their bed, taking her with him. As he suddenly awoke from the dream as he began the downward slide. He let go of Buffy and pushed away until he landed hard onto the floor. Buffy leaned over the edge of the bed to find Spike entangled with the sheets and rubbing a very sore rump, with a slight grin she slithered down to sit on the side of the bed.

"What are you laughing at?" Spike muttered under his breath.

"Are you alright?" Buffy asked leaning over slightly ruffling his hair. "Bad dream?"

"Stating the obvious, Luv. Must be catching?" Spike lifted himself from the floor and made his way back into the bed. Making himself comfortable, he sat with his back to the headboard and Buffy leaning into his chest. "You did a bit of a dance around the bed too tonight."

Buffy coiled back and looked at him, she remembered the dreams all right but she hadn't realised just how much her subconscious had broken into reality, she could only guess at what she'd done in front of him. Had she called out in distress, kick her way around the linen or even worse spoken out loud her part of herself in the dreams she'd had, had he heard her cries of 'you promised that you'd never leave' or her desperate pleas of 'don't go, I love you'?. All of which she had thought and could only hope would fall on deaf ears as she scrutinized his face to watch for signs that might give what he was thinking away. Spike ran a hand through her hair, smiling softy at her until he slipped deeper back into the bed and pulled her back into his embrace. Without seeing anything useful pass his face, she snuggled down with him and pulled their blankets and bedcover over herself.

"I know just bad dreams," Buffy quietly replied. "But there seems to be more questions than answers that fill them."

"Don't let her haunt you, Buffy, she's not worth it or the stress on you and the baby," Spike tried to reassure her. "She's nothing to you or me."

"What did you dream?" Buffy pulled herself aside to ask him, for some deep seeded reason she needed to know how Lily's reappearance back into their lives affected him. "What was she doing?"

"Buffy, what does it matter? She's not as important as you or the baby..." Spike was quickly interrupted.

"What was she doing?" her voice was quiet but deadly blunt. "I want to know what she was doing."

Spike cleared his throat and his body tensed up as he complied, "You were giving birth and she just stormed in ripped the baby from the doctors' hands. Laughing and threatening not to give the baby back until I gave her everything that she wanted." Spike ran a hand through his now curly hair, "I was dreaming that we were making love and the baby started crying, you got up to take care of the little one...Lily walked in and whispered in my ear that it was all a scam to get me to 'part with my cash'. That bub wasn't even mine. Just some donors from the fertility clinic and that I was just a dumb ponce that had taken it hook, line and sinker."

"Oh," Buffy looked done at the sheet wishing that she hadn't have asked, but she'd wanted to know. "You know that's not true..."

"Buffy it was just a damn dream," Spike quietly spoke. "I know Luv; it's just a silly dream, but what about yours? What was she doing in yours?"

"Taking you and the baby away from me, telling me that you were never mine to have, that I gave the baby to her," Buffy felt the tear slide down her face. "That I gave my baby away to her by signing the surrogacy contract."

"Luv water under the bridge and you weren't giving the baby away you were giving us a chance at a family that we might never have had. You were and are giving the most precious thing that anyone could have ever given me and that I am forever grateful," Spike gently kissed her lips. "Buffy the contracts useless...if you'd changed your mind at any point no one, not even I or Lily could have held you to that contract."

Buffy pulled herself back, "Then why at the beginning..."

"Because I was a stupid git and afraid that you'd take the baby away from me," Spike pushed his face just inches away from hers. "Then I started to see a future with you and me being a family. I just couldn't let it slip out of my hands; I couldn't lose you a second time."

"Second time?" Buffy shook her head. "You never had me in the beginning."

"Didn't I?" Spike whispered. "You've been mine since that first night I came to the house, but I was so blinded by your sister that I was lost you then. I don't know why but I was given a second chance with you Buffy, one that I'm thankful for. I love you so much that it hurts not to have you close. I'm drowning in you Summers and I've forgotten how to swim. I don't want to remember." He kissed her lips with just a gentle pressure. "You and the baby belong to me Buffy and I dare anyone else to mock my claim over you."

"You sound obsessive Spike," Buffy whispered. "I belong to me but you and the baby are my life Spike..."

"No Buffy, you belong to me and yes I am obsessive, more with you than I have ever known. Why I don't know and I don't really care," Spike wrapped a curl of her hair between his fingers. "I love you and that's all that really matters."

"I know you love me Spike," Buffy ran a hand down his arm. "But what about Lily, what are we going to do about her?"

"The only thing I want you to worry about is yourself and the baby," Spike smirked one of his cocky grins. "And take care of you, bub and me of course, in any way you'd like to think of."

"Spike you have a one track mind."

"And it would be my pleasure to prove it to you."

11.34 a.m.

Spike sat at his desk at work with a ton of files laid out in front of him, with one hand he flipped through the open files' pages, not taking much interest in what he was reading he just started at the papers before him. Finally flipping the file shut he took a deep sigh, he swung in his chair to look out the window. He could see the city going on with its day to day life, people coming and going, cars travelling single file down the road. He felt the gush of wind from his door being flung open before he heard or saw the door open. With a quick push of his foot he swerved back behind the desk. Before him stood a very angry Warren and behind him crept in a skulking Andrew, both came to stand before his desk.

"Spike," Warren threw his suitcase onto the table. "$50,000 up front, the city apartment etc, $10,000 a month and that's my final offer."

"No Warren," Spike pushed himself onto a leaning position onto the desk. "She gets only what was offered and nothing else. From where I sit, she seems to have confessed her sins to you. So tell her it's what she was offered or nothing."

Warren looked like he wanted to torture his long time nemesis with a long blade or chop him up into little pieces. Roughly, he pulled out his mobile phone and dialled a number; walking to the far side of the room, he spoke in rough quiet short terms to the other person on the line. He walked the length of the room, turning on the ball of his foot so that he could do yet another lap; finally he flipped the phone off and looked painfully defeated at the man behind the desk.

"You've won this round Spike, but I will be back. Mark my words: I will be merciless next time we meet." Warren spat at him in a pseudo intimidating manner and grabbed his suitcase. He grabbed Andrew by his tie on his way out the door. "Come, Andrew. We need to have a little chat. Be warned Spike, we will meet again."

"So Lily has relented and agrees to the settlement?" Spike asked with anticipation and Warren could only nod in answer. "Then you will be receiving all the paperwork soon, as well as the final divorce decree."

"Now wait..."

"No, I have waited long enough. She agrees to the settlement and I get my divorce that's how it works," Spike finally sat up. "Now get out." Both scurried quickly out the door like hells beasts were at their heels, slamming the door behind them. Quickly he got up to find Andrea not at her usual place at reception's desk. He hoped that she had an adequate excuse for this fatal fuck up of allowing those two gits into his office despite the positive outcome.

"Andrea!" Spike called down the corridor and with an even greater angered tone. "Andrea!"

"Yes Mr Freemantle, I'm here," Andrea called from his father's office. "Your father wanted an urgent memo sent out."

"Why couldn't you get another person from the secretary pool?" Spike demanded from her.

"Because she's the best secretary we have and I wanted her to do it," Spikes father came booming out of his office. "Why who died?"

"Warren and Andrew decided to pay a visit. That's who died," Spike spat out. "And with no one at the reception area they just walked straight into my office."

"Mr Freemantle, I'm sorry," a very horrified Andrea answered. "I should have stayed at my..."

"Don't panic, Andrea," Spike sighed. "It seems to be my lucky day, Lily's agreed to the settlement for a large chunk of my cash."

"William?" his father questioned. "What has she agreed to?"

"The property settlement and hopefully I can get a quickie divorce," Spike looked far away as he finished his sentence.

"William, I don't think that you'll be able to do that, you have too much property to settle and money to divide between you. Besides what's the rush?" his father continued.

"I want to be free when the baby's born," Spike whispered. "I want her to have my name."

"The baby? It's a girl, oh a granddaughter..."

"No Dad, Buffy."

"Marriage William? Is that such a good idea considering that you're just getting out of another?" he asked his son.

"Dad she's soon to have my child and I want this," Spike whispered. "I want her as my wife."


	19. Words

The Surrogate 19

_NC-17 for adult themes, sex scene and language_

_A/N: Dedicated to all my regular readers and especially my regular reviewers, an extra special thanks…reviews keep me typing._

Another special thanks to **slackerace, meli and Kar** for editing another chapter. The beta readers are unsung heroes in fanfic; I couldn't make a chapter presentable without their help. I write the work and they fine tune it. I am forever grateful for the time and effort they give in helping me.

_Words _

Coming down the staircase, Buffy tied the sash around her waist into a bow to keep her kimono dressing gown in place. Stopping at the bottom of the stairs, she wiped her tired eyes and took a yawning stretch. It was Sunday, and Buffy had no intention of doing anything today except to eat copious amounts of cookie dough ice cream and lay around the house. Spike was still in bed, sleeping like the dead. Buffy had tried just about everything to get him to wake up except throwing things at him. Sighing and shaking her head, something just poking out from underneath the front door caught her eye.

A yellow envelope.

"No," Buffy whispered to herself in denial, "no."

Her stomach heaved in dread; it was the colour of Lily's unmistakable personal stationery. Buffy placed a hand over her mouth as she swallowed back the lump in her throat and walked slowly over to the front door. Leaning over the best she could, Buffy lifted the enveloped from where it lay. Turing it over in her hands, her hands slightly shook in fear for just whom it was addressed to.

Herself or Spike.

Why did Lily want to leave a written message for either of them? It was beyond Buffy's own comprehension, as Lily had been decreed to only make contact with either of them through the lawyers. Direct contact with either of them would not be tolerated. Spike had made it an extra condition during the divorce proceedings, to spare Buffy anymore pain of having to come face to face with her sister. Taking a deep calming breath, Buffy focused her eyes onto the letters written on the front of the envelope to form a single word.

'William' written in the usual sweeping handwriting of her sister.

Buffy looked up the staircase, trying to will herself to go back upstairs to deliver the letter to its intended reader. For a few minutes she let herself envision just what the letter's contents could be, she shivered slightly as her imagination ran wild. With a slight shake of her head, she dismissed the thoughts from her mind and went back upstairs. Buffy tiptoed trying not to disturb Spike's sleep; she wanted to tackle this turn of events in the most comfortable place in the house, their bed.

Climbing back into bed, Buffy tried to relax against the body that lay there already as she placed the envelope onto the nightstand. Spike lay on his side with his back to her and Buffy, with the lightest touch she could, shook his shoulder. With still no response, Buffy shook him harder and softly called his name, but Spike still didn't waken. Not wanting to yell at him Buffy shook him harder, making him slightly sway on the bed.

"Spike, time to wake up," Buffy whispered into his ear.

Sleepily Spike slowly opened his eyes and tilted his face backwards towards her with a cheeky grin on his face. Slightly stretching, he turned himself over to face her and lifting his head onto his palm, he cupped her face with his other hand. Leaning over, he gently kissed her lips with delicate tender caresses, just seeking to touch his own lips to hers. Buffy lost all train of thought as their kiss deepened, mouths opened and tongues met as the kiss became more passionate and demanding. Buffy was snapped back into reality as his hands began to wander down her body and tug onto her nightshirt.

"Spike, please my love," Buffy manoeuvred herself away from him. "You need to stop."

"Don't you want to make love?" Spike softly asked. "Get a guy's motor runnin'…"

"No it's not that. It's this…"

Buffy leaned over to the bedside table and picked up the letter. She handed it over to Spike with a trembling grasp; she watched his reaction to the letter being presented to him. A scowl covered his face. Spike winced as he recognised the distinct yellow parchment that his wife used. Taking the envelope from Buffy's hand, he turned it over to its front and read his name written across in Lily's handwriting.

Spike looked up from the letter and saw unease and apprehension spread across Buffy's face. He couldn't help but fight back the need to just tear the bloody thing up and be damned about it. The thought that his soon to be ex-wife had even dared to try and contact him here, even though it wasn't in person, still made his blood boil in rage. If Lily hadn't the common curtesy to communicate with him in the manner in which she had been directed, then fuck her. Spike just wanted to haul the cheating bitch to the courts and be done with her.

Yet he knew that he couldn't even do that; he had to control the internal rage and wait it out for his time in court to divorce Lily. He made a mental note to himself to call his father in the morning so that he could arrange a politely spelled out letter that she was to have no personal contact with him or Buffy, and that personal contact included written correspondence. Spike decided that the worst thing that he could do would be to tear the letter up, as he had to know what she wanted. With a sudden jerk, he tore the letter open and dumped the single sheet of yellow paper onto the bed.

Grasping it between his hands, Spike unfolded the letter and scanned its contents. Shaking his head at what he'd read, he handed the sheet of paper to Buffy, trying to smile at her with reassurance. Taking the paper, Buffy read the contents of the document.

William,

Despite agreeing to the pathetic amount of money that you offered me in exchange for your divorce, I have told my parents the truth about Buffy and the baby. I deserve more than the pittance you are offering in the settlement. You may have the upper hand in the legal proceedings, but I'm playing the game how you want me to play it.

A reasonable alimony would be a start, something to tide me over. I want an advance on the funds, considering that I'm not working at the moment and I need money now. You have all my London bank account numbers where I would like the money deposited. I'm leaving for London soon, so now rather than later would suit me just fine.

Tell Buffy what you want, but this is between you and myself. I have nothing to discuss with her. Like I said, she got what she's always wanted, you. Now I want you to give me what I want.

Compensation, pure and simple.

So be a dear and let's get this thing over and done with.

Lily Summers

Buffy folded the sheet of paper closed after reading what her sister had written—or better yet—demanded. She couldn't believe the nerve of her sister trying to extort more from Spike, than what he'd already offered her in their property settlement as part of the divorce. Considering that, Buffy felt it was more than Lily deserved with the way she'd run out on her husband and had treated the both of them so abominable. Buffy handed the letter back, letting out a large sigh as she digested the situation. No sooner had she handed it back, he threw it onto the floor. Spike rolled onto his back, his hands behind his head and his face covered with fury as he stared at the ceiling above him.

"Spike?" Buffy leaned herself slightly over him. "Don't get yourself in a fix about it, she's not worth it. Let your dad handle it."

"Bloody bitch, who does she think she is? Leaving this crap here," Spike shifted his gaze back to Buffy. "Where did you find it love? Don't tell me she handed it to you or I swear I'll tear her…"

"Hey, calm down. I found it wedged under the front door," Buffy tried to smile but only a cracked line formed. "God knows when she put it there or even if it was her."

"It better have been her. If it was that bloody ponce Liam doing her dirty work, I'll bloody tear _him _limb from limb," Spike's teeth gritted as he spoke.

"Threats are not going to resolve anything Spike," Buffy felt a sharp pain in her heart. She was beginning to doubt that he'd fully resolved his feeling about the desertion of his wife in favour of his best friend. "Even if you're still angry at him for stealing your wife," her tone trembled with her words which expressed her apprehension.

"Buffy," Spike felt the emotional strain reverberate through out his body, "I'm pissed at the fact that he'd have the bloody hide to come to my house and dump this crap at my front door. But I say good luck to the ponce; he's going to need it with a viper like Lily around his neck."

"Hmmm," Buffy was lost for words, "as long as that's it and nothing more."

"No love, that's it and nothing more," Spike lifted a hand away from his neck and with his fingers he placed a loose strand of hair back behind her ear. "Don't even think that I have any issues besides divorce in mind where Lily is concerned. The sooner I get the divorce, the sooner we can be married."

Buffy's mouth dropped as she felt the words penetrate deep into her subconscious. She'd hoped that one day soon, even dreamed that after the baby was born, he'd ask her to marry him. But she never thought it would be like this. Never thought that he'd be so blunt and matter of fact about it. She used to daydream when she was younger; she imagined them together in a beautiful location, and that he would be romantic and get down on one knee to propose. Now she dreamed and hoped that he would still want to marry her except the dream had changed to him surprising her in the nursery as she laid their child down to sleep, bringing his hands around her waist and kissing the nape of her neck. Turning her around as he got on one knee, pulling out from his coat pocket a box with an engagement ring inside and proposing to her.

"Marr..ied," Buffy whispered to him, "you want to get married?"

"Don't you?" Spike asked her in an almost whispered tone, "You're my girl and what better way to show the world that you belong to me? Kinda staking my claim on you, love."

"I won't deny that I want to, but isn't it a bit soon? I mean you haven't even gotten your divorce yet."

"Soon isn't even close enough Buffy. I would do it right this minute if I could," Spike trailed a finger down her jaw as he spoke to her. "I wish that the damn thing just didn't take so long. Once it's through Buffy, you'd better get yourself a wedding gown and start thinking of where you want to tie the knot."

"Spike maybe we should give it some time…"

"No love, I don't want to waste anymore time. It's been pure hell being with you and not having you as my wife. I'd hoped that we'd be married before the baby was born." Spike began to play with the strands of hair that had refused to stay behind Buffy's ear. "But I don't know if all the legalities will be over before then."

"I still think that we should wait awhile after the divorce. You know, let people get used to the idea. I don't think people are reacting well to the fact that we're together in the first place, let alone the fact that there's a baby, considering how my friends took the news about us the last time I saw them."

"Since when have we given a damn about what people think, love? The most important thing is that we are together. If people don't like it then bugger them, but we'll just have to work on your friends, sweetheart. I think that they'll come around and so will everyone else. Have you spoken to any of your friends lately?" Spike's tone resonated with resolve about the situation.

"No, I've been too tied up in all of this mess to do anything else," Buffy sighed. "I guess I've been frightened that some would just make some kind of trouble for me…us. I don't want anyone trying to tell me what I should or shouldn't do, or whom I should marry."

"We're going to get married without interference from anyone. I'll make sure of that."

"Fine, but next time maybe you could be a little more romantic about stating the fact that we're getting married in the first place," Buffy sighed in resignation to the actuality that he'd gone about the discussion of marriage in such a matter of fact way.

"Oh,umm oops," he looked apologetic about the conversation and grimaced his face a little. "Promise; next time I'll ask you in a more ideal location. Maybe dinner, flowers…. or whatever you like love."

"You're not meant to tell a girl when or how you're going to propose. It's meant to be a surprise!" Buffy lightly thumped him on the shoulder. "Some romantic you are."

"Sorry pet." Spike threaded his hand through her hair and around her neck until it rested onto the back of her skull. Gently he pulled her head closer to his own. "Now where were we before we started talking?"

Buffy didn't resist the light pressure he exerted on her head as he leaned over to kiss her. They were so close that they could feel each other's slight intake of breath as they tenderly brushed against each other. Spike gently moved himself over Buffy until she slid onto her back, giving him the dominant position. Buffy grasped tighter onto him as she opened her mouth and softly nipped his bottom lip between her teeth, delicately pulling onto Spike's skin, smoothing the area with her tongue as their kiss deepened.

Spike felt Buffy's tongue trail along the soft tissue just inside his mouth, as it demanded entrance. He traced his hand down her neck, along her collarbone to the valley between her breasts until it came to rest on her abdomen. Slowly he circled her protruding stomach with the tips of his fingers, sending a rippling tingling fusion of sensation through her lower abdomen until it reached her toes. Buffy's abdominal muscles tightened and contracted within themselves in response to the sensation. She tightened her hold on his head as she allowed herself to sink deeper into her heightened passion and desire for him.

Buffy let her grasp slacken as she returned his caress of her skin. Sliding her hand along, it rounded his shoulder and slid under his arm, continuing a trail which travelled toward his back. Increasing the pressure of her palm, she slid it along the side of his body, as it was just impossible for her to reach his spine due to her pregnancy. Buffy felt every muscle that encountered her palm contract and constrict itself at the tantalizing sensory overload of heated hunger he felt for her. Her fingers stretched as much as they could as they tried to touch every inch of skin that they could. She stopped at the slight curve of his buttocks. Gently she clutched the firm flesh, gripping the hard muscle between her fingers alternating between squeezing and pulling at the solid mass.

"Need you so much love." Spike pulled away from her slightly as he broke their kiss. "Up for another round love?" Like usual he'd always ask Buffy for permission to make love to her, as a sign of respect for her and to be sure that she was able. He would never do anything to endanger her or the baby; he'd rather curb his wants and needs than hurt her. Spike's eyes flickered with desire and questioning as they stared into Buffy's. She couldn't help but watch his irises dilate further as desire fuelled within him.

"Always," Buffy whispered back to him. Grasping her nightshirt by its hem, she pulled it off herself, letting him see her naked flesh. "I always want you."

Grabbing the edge of the bed linen that covered them, he flung it backwards exposing them to the warm air of their bedroom. His gaze broke away from hers as he followed the form of her body that lay prone on the bed. Spike shifted himself slightly down the bed as his hand moved from her abdomen and cupped one of her breasts. Taking the supple flesh into the palm of his hand, he lifted it to his mouth and with the tip of his tongue he licked its hardened nipple.

Tantalisingly slow circular movements sent shivers of delight along the nerve pathways just under Buffy's skin. Her hand grabbed the back of Spike's head as she arched slightly off the bed, desperately trying to get more of her flesh into his mouth. Giving into her needs, Spike opened his mouth to encapsulate all of the flesh he could. Biting gently on the apex of her breast, he licked the peak caught between his teeth, pulling backwards and forwards slightly to pull the flesh even further, expanding the boundaries of the pleasure he gave to her.

Wanting more intense ecstasy, Buffy grabbed the hand that Spike was using to hold her breast in place for his feasting, and dragged it down her body to rest on her pelvic bone. With a little pressure, she guided the hand between her moist folds of her vagina, letting his fingers glide along the wet crease and over her engrossed clit. Spike's hand began to wander around her flesh and she felt his thumb come to rest on her clit and a single finger enter her. The sensitive flesh of her core contracted as his finger invaded deeper within its depth, feeling every inch of drenched soft tissue as it moved in a circular pattern against her inner walls. His thumb slipped repeatedly backwards and forwards over her clit, strumming the flesh as his finger passed over it. Sending wave after wave of pleasure through the tight coil that enveloped the lower half of her body which rippled to her upper half and found its satisfying destination in the pleasure zone of her brain, sending her deeper into smouldering bliss.

A sharp intake of oxygen filled the room as Spike probed her core with another finger, pushing and stretching her further apart. Lifting his head from the breast he suckled, Spike watched as she became lost with the vortex of her desire and need. Buffy struggled to keep her eyes open as each touch or stroke of his fingers sent pulsating threads of pleasure along her body. She had become so sensitive, to even the slightest of Spike's touches as she advanced with their pregnancy.

"So responsive Buffy," Spike tone was almost a whisper, "so eager for my touch."

"I want you," Buffy tone was sharp and filled with need, "inside of me now."

"No need to rush things my love." Spike lifted himself away from her, removing his hand from her folds as he came to stand at the end of their bed. Buffy lifted herself onto her elbows as she watched, her eyes raked over his naked form. He stood now with his hands on his narrow hips, "I want you to move that luscious bottom of yours onto the edge of the mattress and your legs open to me. Bring a pillow with you love."

Buffy's abdominal muscles clenched as he asked her to do as he said. Her mind flooded with images of him pounding into her, which heated her blood. She grabbed a pillow that lay beneath her head and grasped it in front of her. She then wiggled herself down the bed, her knees bent with her ankles touching the edge of the mattress and her bottom just inches from the edge. Impatiently, Spike bent over and grasped Buffy's bent knees in each hand, pulling them apart and exposing her. Taking the pillow from her hands, Spike placed it under her, lifting her bottom further up from the base of the bed. Spike got down onto his knees, ran his hands down the inside of her thighs until her reached her vulva.

Slowly he pulled the folds apart with his fingers, exposing the wet flesh to him as he watched Buffy's reaction to what he was doing to her. A single finger ran down the crease as she closed her eyes and responded to sensations that fizzed along her body and ricocheted along nerve endings. Moving back up to where he started, Spike ran his finger back up her folds and as Buffy luxuriated in the sensation, he added his tongue to heighten the sensation. Her sharp 'ohhh' filtered through to his ears as she expressed her satisfaction at what he was doing to her.

Buffy's mind could only focus on the pleasure Spike was creating within her; his touch sparked a blazing fire of desire that had her hungering for more. The more he touched her the more she craved. She could never get enough of him. Buffy longed for him like she had no one ever before. The touch of the roughened flesh of his tongue against the soft wet flesh of her pussy created the most delicious sensations as two extremes of texture brushed against each other.

Soft 'hmmms' broke through the statically charged room as Buffy further expressed her pleasure vocally to her lover, making him aware of her ecstasy. The short licks that Spike made against her only accentuated the heightened sensual ambience that she was enduring. Buffy fought against the need to arch herself of the bed as his tongue fondled her clit, even more so when he opened his mouth over her and began suckling her clit as he had her breast.

Spike felt Buffy's legs begin to tremble slightly as he intensified the suction he held over her clit. He felt the gentle contractions of her pussy as he teased the engorged tip of her clit with light licks of the tip of his tongue as he slowly slid two fingers into her canal. He gloried in her evident arousal for him, as his fingers slid easily over her slick core. He loved to feel her wet with desire and need. Nothing helped fulfil him more than to hear her soft cries of passion and a kind of purr which erupted from her throat as he pleasured her.

Lifting his head away from her, Spike watched her as he still massaged her inner walls with his fingers, curling them around inside her as far as her pulsating muscles would allow. With his other hand, he began to grind his open palm against her clit, exposing it to excruciating amounts of pressure. Buffy responded with a small subtle bucking of her hips as the tormenting throb spread from her clit to the rest of her body. She felt the throbbing turn into a ripple in her lower abdomen. Buffy felt herself teeter on the edge of the abyss of cataclysmic release as the physical gratification enticed her towards orgasm.

But it wasn't enough, she wanted more. More of him. She desperately needed to feel him inside her, touching her so intimately, caressing her and stroking her in places that only he could. It was more than wanting the contact of flesh with flesh that he gave. It was more than physical joining of two bodies. It was the joining of both mind and spirit. Buffy opened her desire-filled eyes and trailed her gaze down her body until her eyes meet Spike's. Locking her gaze with his, she spoke silently of her wants and needs. Lifting her feet off the bed, she spread her legs further apart and moved one of her ankles until it brushed the side of his waist. Buffy gently pushed against him in an upward motion with her feet a few times, and then awkwardly slanted her foot towards his straining cock which sat erect against his abdomen. With just the tips of her toes, Buffy stroked him with a light pressure. Spike allowed himself to experience a moment of pleasure before he reacted to her touch.

Grabbing her ankle, he lifted it away from his front and moved it to his waist. Letting his hand slide down to her knee, he held the leg in place beside his hip. Taking the other ankle in his hand, he repeated his actions until both of her knees rested besides his hips and he took the weight of her legs into his hands. Standing up he took a baby step towards the bed, lifting one of his knees onto the mattress. On a slight slant Spike arched his hips somewhat forward, letting the column of his cock slide along Buffy's moist folds, separating them as it speared its way along the crease. Spike was careful not to place any of his body weight onto his pregnant lover, or cause Buffy to press herself too much onto her protruding stomach.

"Please don't tease me Spike," Buffy whispered, "be with me, be in me."

Letting one of her knees go for a moment, Spike probed her pussy with a few strokes of his fingers letting the moisture he found flow onto his fingers. Taking his erection into his hand he spread the moisture over his cock, pumping the flesh a few times to expose all of it to her wetness. Without breaking eye contact with her, he slipped the head of his cock into her vaginal opening, Buffy felt herself stretch to accommodate the intrusion within her inner walls. Gradually Spike increased his penetration with slow backwards and forwards thrusts of his cock inside her core; Buffy mimicked the movements with shallow intakes of breaths that filled the room with a hum.

The pressure caused Buffy to contract her pelvic muscles against the friction created by the contact of flesh between them. She watched as Spike's face began to contort with the pleasure he was finding within her depths; the strain of the restraint he was placing on himself not to just plunge within her filled his face. It was as if he could only think about what he was doing and feeling, nothing else matter in this time and place but what was happening between the two of them. Nothing else mattered.

The strokes of Spike's cock were measured and deliberate; he was always mindful of the precious life that lay within Buffy. The muscles that contracted and unfurled around him created the most delicious feelings of warmth as he continued to stroke her inner walls. The look of pleasure that washed over her face was worth all the restraint that he placed on his passion which wanted nothing more than to be fully unleashed on the woman who lay beneath him. All the passion that burned and consumed him wanted nothing more than to slam its way fully into her, to feel every inch of his cock surrounded by her moist warmth. Spike knew that considering her advancing pregnancy he could only do it like this, so he concentrated on achieving the optimum level of pleasure he could with the amount of depth at which he could penetrate her.

Buffy revelled in the mind shattering depths of her arousal, the shallowness of Spike's penetration created tingling ripples of sensation that fired along her raw nerve endings. Wave after wave followed every movement of his hips and intensified every time he changed the angle of his hips. A simple thrust or gyration of his hips caused a slow circular spiral wave of sensation to follow and flood her with more moisture.

Despite the intense feeling of gratification that flowed through both of them, Buffy could see the frustration that filled Spike's face, it was clear that he need to totally possess her. An ache started to reflect within herself, a need to feel him totally caress every inch of her that he could created such longing within her that demanded to be satisfied. One thing that Buffy could be assured of was that she wasn't going to get it the way they were now, as pleasurable as their lovemaking was she hungered for more.

"Spike," Buffy spoke softly trying not to break his concentration too much, "Spike stop."

Abruptly Spike pulled himself out of her body, stumbling somewhat backwards away from the bed. A look of guilty horror filled his face, he struggled to control the slight shaking that wracked his body and leaned over and pulled the pillow away from her hips, examining the pillow case.

"What's wronnng?" he faltered on his words, "you're not bleeding…"

"Hey I'm alright," Buffy pulled herself back up the bed until she lay against the head of the bed, "I just need more."

"More?"

"Of you," Buffy ran her hand down her front until she reached her abdomen, "I want to feel every inch of your beautiful self fuck me, but I kind of have a little obstruction to getting what I want." She let out a little laughter as Spike started to comprehend what she wanted from him. Buffy laughed harder as he stood there running a hand through his hair in a shaking motion as his face frowned quizzically. "And I always get what I want."

"Gonna get it," Spike moved back onto the bed beside her, all concern washed from his face as he gently kissed her lips. The air around them seemed to sizzle and hiss as their passion burned between them and intensified as their lovemaking went up to a higher plane of desire.

Buffy let her fingers trail over his hand and arm reaching his shoulder, Buffy stopped and pushed backwards with the heel of her palm making him lay back onto the bed. Turning herself as much as possible towards Spike, she leaned over his torso and grabbed onto his shoulders for leverage pulling herself to him. Buffy felt a little clumsy as she wobbled and teetered on her ankles and knees as she tried to straddle her lover. Spike grabbed her around her hips trying to help regain her balance, and support her weight as she manoeuvred above him.

Buffy settled herself around his narrow hips; her hands lay flat on his chest and her abdomen pressing slightly on him somewhere in between them. Spike looked at the woman above him, he squeezed the flesh that lay under his hands, gathering it in a shallow pull between his fingers. His gaze locked with hers as he brought his hands around her waist and over her abdomen and lovingly massaged the stretched skin underneath it. The light in his eyes seemed to brighten as his hands moved around her soft skin. Spike seemed in awe of the life that lay beneath his hands. For just a few moments, they stayed as they were as they shared in a special moment that passed between them.

Not breaking their locked eyes, Buffy lifted herself slightly away from Spike as she shimmed down his body. Inclining herself forward she placed a hand on the bed for anchorage, Buffy reached behind her clasping Spike's erection in her hand. This time Spike closed his eyes as she ran the sensitive tip along her wet folds, and teased her clit with the head of his cock. With minute sways of her hips, she drew out the light sensations that he was experiencing to prolonged excruciating ecstasy. Spike grabbed the bed linen beneath him as pleasure ricocheted along his body, trying to contain the mounting desire to grab her hips and slam her down fully over his erection.

In desperation, Spike grabbed onto the headboard, his hands whitening as the blood flow constricted with the force he exerted with his grasp. His hips arched slightly as he tried to pierce Buffy as she swayed her core over him, the soft 'please' came from his lips as he pleaded with her. Unable to deny his request, Buffy lifted herself a few inches and slowly slid the tip of Spike's cock into her vagina, and with unhurried momentum she devoured the hard-ridged length. Prolonging the initial sensation for as long as she could, Buffy began to move her hips up and down in small increments. Spike slightly lifted his torso up as she finally enveloped all of his length inside her inner walls. He anchored his hands around her knees as she began slowly to move along his cock, an almost silent repeated 'huhh' passed from his lips in time with every caress of flesh in flesh.

Lifting herself into a sitting position, Buffy raised her thighs as the lumbar region of her back began to circularly fuse her hips into a diverse rhythm of sensual awareness. This fuelled an even more profound exhilaration of bliss as their combined fervour dowsed her with such a heightened consciousness of pleasure that was pure hedonism. Slow circular movements became stronger and more shallow in tempo as they began to surrender themselves over to the fire that burned within each of them. Each stroke of his cock over her inner core fired raw sensations of fulfilment, no centimetre left untouched by his length as it passed over every nerve ending within Buffy. Taking his hands away from their grip on her knees, Spike grasped her hips making her collide faster against him

Buffy struggled to keep her grip on sanity as she propelled towards her need for release, her body screamed in frustration as she tried in desperation to hold out that little bit longer. Focusing on the pleasure that shot through her body only added to the intense desire that demanded to be liberated, but she was too lost inside their passion to deny anything else. Struggle as she might against it, Buffy couldn't help but feel her inner muscles flutter compelling against the ridged, trying to squeeze the very essence from him.

Spike felt the telltale signs of the fruition of Buffy's pleasure as she began to tighten around him in constricting waves that pulsated through to his own body. Buffy's breathing rapidly amplified as her body began to buck and sway as she plunged into her orgasm while the fire within her surged into a crescendo consuming her totally. She couldn't hold back her words of pleasure as she pleaded with Spike, for 'more', 'faster', the louder 'oh my god' or the simple sounds of passion that filled the air.

Unable to hold himself back as he watched Buffy come, Spike let his own need for release unshackle itself from its restraint and unleash itself within her. Pressure pounded the length of his body, realization of needs and desires fed the fervour that flowed through his blood. Unable not to respond to his lover's passionate calls to him, he responded with his own harshly spoken words of passion, which became as primitive as the act between them. He could only use simple coarse words like 'fuck', 'harder' or 'deeper'; his vocabulary restricted to the crux of the matter. Extolling the feelings of satisfaction as he came, Spike continued to rock Buffy above him as the feeling began to dissipate into post orgasmic delight.

Breathing became easier and rhythmic between the two of them as they felt each other relax. Slowly Buffy moved herself away from where she straddled Spike onto the bed, coming to lay on her side facing him. Spike moved onto his side, creating symmetry as they snuggled closely next to each other. Limbs became entwined as they revelled in their postcoital passion, light butterfly kissed passed between them as a sense of tranquillity gorged them.

"Love you," Spike broke away from her lips, "so much."

"I know," Buffy kissed him softly again, "love you too."

"Love you too baby," Spike rubbed her abdomen, "I wonder whether it's a boy or girl?"

"You'll just have to wait until he or she is born," Buffy placed her own hand over his.

"Love, we'll have to start thinking of names soon," Spike began kissing her again between his words. "Something old or modern?"He nipped at her upper lip, "What do you think?"

"I can't think when you do that," Buffy lightly swatted his shoulder, "Maybe we should both think about it for a while then talk it over."

"But pet, I don't want to leave it until bub's born," Spike protested.

"We've still got a few months until the baby comes," Buffy tried to smile, "plenty of time to choose a name."

"Buffy…"

"Spike, I think that we have a few more pressing issues than the baby's name," Buffy pulled away slightly from his embrace.

"What could be more important than that?" Spike looked questioningly at her.

"Lily," Buffy looked past him at the ceiling. "You need to settle things with Lily before anything else."

"Lily is the furthest thing from my mind at the moment, Buffy," Spike rested his hand on her jaw and pulled her face back to his until his gaze locked with hers. "Let me handle Lily. Don't worry your pretty little head about it."

"Spike! I will worry my pretty head about it, and don't say that again or little Spikey won't see the light of day again!" Buffy shook her head; -_men awhhhhh_- ran through her mind. "A while ago you were all fired up about it and now you don't want to worry about what she's up to?"

"Not today Buffy," Spike kissed her forehead. "Here and now I'm only concerned for you and the baby. I fully intend on dealing with it tomorrow with dad during office hours, but today I want to concern myself only with us. I want today to be just perfect."

"So what are you going to do to achieve this perfection?"

"What do you want to do? I'll leave today all up to you," Spike tempted her with what they would do today to move her off the subject of Lily. "Anything princess?"

"Hmm, maybe we could go out for lunch, or…" Buffy rubbed her head as she thought out what they could do, "we could have some friends over for lunch."

"Friends?" Spike looked at her with his eyebrows raised.

"Well you were the one that suggested that I should start getting people to accept us together. What better way than bribing them with food?" Buffy laughed. "It'd be nice to get the gang together; it's been a while since I've seen anyone. I feel like I've neglected them."

"I'm sure that they'll forgive you love."

"I hope so."


	20. The Colour of Envy is Jealousy

The Surrogate

A/N: Dedicated to three important people in this equation – to my beta readers – Kar, Meli and slackerace. With many thanks for all the precious time that they give to me in editing my usual long chapters.

I also give thanks to people who give their time to review chapters and not necessarily just mine, but to any author. You're very important people to us and I give you my deepest thanks. Or just to people who read and enjoy the fics…thank you for taking the time to keep on reading fan fiction.

Thanks to all the archives that hold my fiction without you, we would have no audience…

Chapter 20

By

Mercy

Fracture

Looking concerned, Buffy stared at the small patio table that she had just set for the friends that were expected for lunch. She had wanted to make today just perfect for everyone who had accepted her invitation to a late Saturday lunch. After much consideration, Buffy moved and shuffled cutlery around until there was a place setting for everyone. Spike watched her with a smirk on his face as she potted about the table, shaking his head at her efforts to make sure that everything was just right. He wanted today to go just as well as she did and maybe just that little bit more. Buffy wanted her friends to accept them and the baby so much, and Spike would do anything in his power to make her every wish and desire come true.

It had hurt Buffy deeply when her parents had believed Lily's lies about her and Spike which led to their total rejection of their youngest daughter. Spike suspected that Buffy might not be able to cope with another rejection from the people she cared so much about. He would do anything in his power to make sure that they wouldn't even think about hurting her. Even to the extent that Spike was willing to cop all the opposition from her friends that they threw his way. Yet something told him that her friends wouldn't do that to her, but he would be ready anyway. Spike seriously doubted that no one would have accepted the invitation to lunch if they didn't care about Buffy.

Buffy pulled one of the chairs away from the table and sat down just for a minute to rest her feet. She had experienced a restless night's sleep after asking Spike to have her friends over for lunch. Thoughts had gone through her mind about first—whether people would come, and second—what their reaction would be when they saw Spike and her together. Buffy had learned not so long ago that Spike and the baby were her family, and that they were what matter most in the world. However, Buffy could not deny that she needed her friends as well. The biggest hurdle would be Xander. Buffy remembered his reaction to the news when she'd announced her pregnancy to her friends. She knew that Xander would probably resent Spike immensely for getting so involved with her. Xander had always hoped deep down that he and Buffy would become more than just friends despite all the years that Buffy had never shown any interest in him besides friendship.

"Hey Goldilocks." Spike had quietly walked behind where she was sitting and placed his palms down on her shoulders. Gently he massaged Buffy's tense muscles under his hands. "Don't fret love, everything's ready."

"I know," Buffy titled her head back, looking up at Spike," I'm just worried about….I'm just being silly."

"Worried about what, Buffy?"

"How they'll take us as a family," Buffy sighed as she pulled her head back. "It's all happened so quickly, even I haven't had time to catch my breath. So I doubt that they've had time get their heads around what's happened. I'm worried that they'll say something to you about us or me about the baby…."

"Buffy, they are your friends." Spike ran a hand under her jaw from behind. "Do you really think that they would do that to you?"

"No, however I just can't help but think that there might be some resentment."

"From?" Spike looked intrigued at Buffy's statement.

"Does it matter?" Buffy tried to smile as she looked up at him again. "It could just be one or all of them that decides that we weren't meant to be together."

"If he says one thing Buffy, then I'll do anything that I can to protect you and the baby," Spike tightened his hold on her shoulder and caressed her jaw. "He's not an issue."

"But Spike, Xander's always hoped that I would want to be with him…." Buffy suddenly went quiet as the words slipped out of her mouth as she gave Spike the information that he wanted. "Spike, he took the news of the baby pretty badly."

"Does he know that we're together?" Spike icily asked. One thing he didn't want today was to have any male trying to crowd him on his own turf. "That you're my girl?"

"Unless Tara or Willow has told him, then no," Buffy swallowed hard. "I'd only assumed that since I hadn't heard from him that Xander knows everything about us."

"If he doesn't then Xander will by the end of the day." Spike walked around the chair to hunch down onto his knees in front of Buffy.

"Maybe this was a bad idea?" The look of concern agonised over her face, making her wince as she tried to smile.

"I promise to let the boy down slowly and gently, Buffy." Spike smiled reassuringly at her. "But I'm not having another man trying to claim what's mine."

Buffy slightly smirked at Spike's possessiveness of her, it made her feel all loved, cherished and protected by the most important person in her life. Yet she didn't want people who she desperately cared about at each others throats, nor did she want to ruin the day for her other friends. It had been so long since Buffy had seen Willow and Tara, which she knew had been reluctance on her part to get them caught up in the chaos that surrounded her. Buffy knew that once they were aware of all the facts, Willow and Tara would be devastated to know that she hadn't turned to them for help. Something that she now regretted not doing—maybe this whole mess could have been easier to handle if she'd turned to her friends for help.

"Promise me that you'll behave, Spike." Buffy gathered both of his hands into hers and gently placed a kiss on each one. "Xander might not even feel anything like that for me anymore."

"Do you remember that last Christmas we had at your folks and everyone was invited?" Spike looked lost in contemplation as his thoughts went back to that day. Buffy looked at him with a questioning look as she tried to recall the time he was talking about, and as she did nodded her head. "I remember the way he looked at you with a kind of lost look in his eye."

"I never saw it…never." Buffy took a slow breath in as she tried to remember that day, tried to think whether she could remember anything. "I can't even remember him doing anything."

"I do…because you were looking at me." Spike's eyes lit up and became hooded under his lashes as a sudden sharp shudder of desire flooded through him. "I didn't even see it myself until I realised that you loved me from afar…"

"Then tread lightly Spike," Buffy grip tightened on his hands as her voice became quiet and enveloped with emotion. "Because I know what it's like to have unrequited love and it hurts so much. More than you'll ever know."

"I know love…I know," Spike smiled at her. "I'll try, but I have to make it clear that you're mine now, and no one is taking that away from me."

"No need to lay it on so thick Spike," Buffy smiled. "I think that Xander will get the picture the minute he walks through the door."

As if on cue, the doorbell chimed before either could continue with their conversation. Looking at Spike for just a moment, Buffy shrugged her shoulders and made her way into the house and to the front door with Spike not far behind. Opening the door to find Willow and Tara standing on the porch with a cooler in each of their hands, Buffy had the biggest grin that they'd ever seen on her face.

"Come in," Buffy waved them inside the door and into the foyer. "We're out back today."

"Ladies, long time no see," Spike nodded to the women as they walked through the door. "Let me take those for you." He took each of the coolers and waited for them to pass him so that they could follow Buffy outside.

Both Willow and Tara just openly stared at the man who had claimed their friend for himself. They had met him before today, but that had been when he was with Lily. They looked at each other for a second with concern for their friend and found themselves feeling a little awkward around Spike. What do you say to someone that was once your friend's brother-in-law and now the father of her child? What topics do you talk about? Do you ask what you're really dying to ask…are you lovers yet? Are you going to stick around? What if….what if Lily comes back? What then? Too many questions and not enough answers would make anyone feel awkward, but Willow and Tara knew better than to mind their own business. Buffy would tell them when she was ready.

As they walked through the house, both noticed the subtle changes—new furniture that looked expensive and completed renovations that Buffy had always talked about but never got around to doing. Tara stopped to a dead halt in the kitchen, causing Willow bump into her back as Tara took in a deep breath and pointed to the large refrigerator door.

"Is that the baby?" Tara asked as she walked up to the refrigerator and ran her finger over the black and white ultrasound picture and the multicoloured 3-D image of the baby that were attached to the surface. "Isn't she lov…lovely?"

"Or he," Spike interjected, "we don't know if it's a girl or boy."

"They couldn't tell you?" Willow followed Tara to the pictures and smiled, amazed at the technological wonder that allowed her to look at her friend's baby. Willow could feel her heart melt against any unresolved issues she had about Buffy and the baby. With all the warm fuzzy feelings Willow felt surrounding Buffy, she could tell that her friend and unborn baby were being well looked after and loved by Spike. Instincts screamed at her that all was well between the two of them; Willow couldn't help but turn to Spike and beam with a smile towards him. "You're a very lucky man, Spike."

"I know."

"Promise me that you'll call us when she goes into labour," Willow pointed her finger at Spike. "We'll come and haunt the corridors with you while you wait."

"No way," Buffy huffed, "Spike's got hand holding duty in the delivery room with me. No leaving me in there by myself."

"I have no intention of doing so, love," Spike walked past the women admiring the pictures of his unborn child and made his way to the back door, kicking it softly with his foot to swing it open.

"Spike, don't kick the door." Buffy yelled at him shaking her head and thinking '_give me strength_' to herself. "He knows that annoys me."

"He is a man. What else do you expect?" Willow laughed at her friends comments. "Sounds like you need to house train him some more. Maybe Lily didn't do a good enough job?"

"Willow!" Shock covered Tara's face at what she thought was an insensitive comment from her girlfriend. "Sensi..tivity…not."

"It's alright Tara," Buffy smiled and closed her eyes with her lips pursed. "Lily's done a lot worse than that to him."

"Still, Lily's probably a topic that you don't want to talk about." Willow looked down at the floor, regretful that she'd even made the wise crack about Buffy's sister. "I'm sorry."

"No biggie," Buffy opened her eyes and feebly smiled. "I'm not really ready to talk to anyone about Lily. Please understand that there are still things happening between Lily, Spike and myself. I just want to survive Spike's divorce and the birth."

"We're here for you. You know that don't you?" Willow embraced her friend with a gentle hug. "You're not in this alone. Buffy you can call us at anytime. Don't carry this alone. It's not good for you or the baby."

"You can ring us, yell for us or at us," Tara lay a hand over Buffy's shoulder. "Anytime, any place."

"I know," Buffy felt at the guilt she had for not letting her friends in on what was going on in her life inundate her body. She became tense and disheartened at herself as she continued. "I know that I could have called you, but I needed to deal with things myself. Make my decisions without anyone interfering with them. Even if people thought that they were being helpful."

"Buffy…" Willow felt bad that Buffy thought that they might have interfered with her life so much that she didn't call them when she really needed someone. "I…"

"I'm not explaining myself properly," Buffy sighed. Maybe lunch wasn't such a good idea. "I meant that some people would have attempted to involve themselves more than others. Tara would have let me make up my own mind after listening to me all day. You, Willow, would have listened then advised me but still let me make my own mind up. But Xander…."

"Would have stuck his nose into everything," Willow nodded her head as she considered what Buffy was saying. "Never would have left you, or Spike, alone to figure it out."

"I trust you guys with what I tell you, but I know both of you to well," Buffy smiled. "We can't keep much from each other for long. Xander would have found out eventually, so I supposed it was easier just to deal with it by myself. The way I wanted to deal with it anyway."

"And now?" Willow asked.

"I'm sorry about not being the friend that I should have been," Buffy looked between Willow and Tara. "This is just so complicated, but I don't want to be without you two anymore."

"Now that's what we want to hear," Willow smiled. "That you can't live without us."

"Hey, what about me? Can't live without me too I hope, pet." Spike asked behind the screen door. "Can I get you two ladies a drink? Wine, beer or soda?"

"Wine for me," Willow replied, "please."

"Soda's fine," Tara turned towards the back door. "Do you want a hand?"

"I'm just firing up the barbeque," Spike opened the back door for Tara as she pushed against the handle to open the door. "Maybe you could get some of the veggies ready for me?"

"Love to."

Tara disappeared into the backyard with Spike, leaving the two other women alone in the kitchen. Willow moved away from her friend, walked around the island bench, and sat on one of the stools that rested in front of it. Buffy followed, lumbering up into the seat with as much grace that her advancing pregnancy would allow. A look of concern filled Willow's face as she looked at Buffy's swollen abdomen, and with a gentle hand she touched her friend's arm.

"Can I feel the baby?" Willow asked.

"Of course," Buffy lifted her shirt slightly and took Willow's hand, laying it against her skin. "I don't know if the baby's going to kick."

"Hello in there," Willow rubbed her hand slightly against Buffy, "come say hello to your Aunty Willow."

"I don't…" Buffy stopped as she heard the doorbell ring. Looking awkwardly at Willow, she tried to smile as Willow removed her hand from her stomach. "Maybe we can try later to get bub to say hello. I better get the door."

"Do you want me to get the door?" Willow looked towards the front of the house and back at Buffy. "I could have a talk with Xander to see what the lay of the land is."

"No," Buffy replied, "better that I just get this over and done with."

"Buffy, maybe there's nothing to worry about." Willow took her friend's hand. "Maybe you're just too worried about nothing?"

"I don't know. Xander wasn't too happy the last time I saw him, when I told you all that I was pregnant. He went ballistic that I was carrying Spike's child."

The doorbell chimed again, this time in repeated repetition as if demanding to be answered and announcing the person at the door's increasing displeasure at being kept waiting. With some reluctance, Buffy walked towards the front door with Willow not too far behind, ready to offer support if Xander was unfriendly.

"About time," Xander spoke as the door opened. "I was thinking that I either had the wrong day or the wrong house."

"Hey Xander," Buffy pulled the door wide open so that he could walk through with the bag that he carried. "Come in."

'Thanks," Xander walked past Buffy, his eyes fixated on her swollen abdomen. "Gee umm, you've gotten bigger."

"Hello pregnant?" Buffy ran a hand over the baby. "Or haven't you seen a woman carrying a baby before?"

"Buffy," Xander shrugged his shoulders, "just stating the obvious."

"Xander!" Willow nudged her friend in the arm. "I'm here too you know."

"I know, I know," Xander shrugged his shoulders again. "I saw you."

"Okay, Xander we're out in the backyard," Buffy pointed towards the back of the house. "Spike's getting the barbeque ready with Tara. They might want a hand."

"So, you girls are doing what?" Xander pointed his finger between the two girls. "Maybe I could help you two?" It would seem that he was trying to avoid leaving his two friends.

"Nothing Xander," Buffy rubbed her temple, "we were just having a quick catch up before we…"

"I was waiting for the baby to kick so that I could feel the baby move," Willow interjected. "It won't be long before the baby's here, but I wanted to say a kind of hello to it. Maybe if you're behaved, Buffy might let you say hello to the baby."

"Hmm," Xander looked quickly away from his friend not sure what to say.

"Buffy?" The conversation between the three was interrupted as Spike's voice called out from the backyard. "Buffy?"

"I'd better go and see what mess he's made," Buffy looked awkwardly at Xander. "Are you coming out?"

"Of course he is," Willow pulled at a reluctant Xander to get moving towards the back of the house. "Aren't you Xander?"

Quietly as Willow could, she whispered to Xander to "behave himself or he'd have to answer to her and Tara." Something that wasn't missed by Buffy, who still stood by the front door as Willow led Xander down the hallway. Shaking her head, Buffy shut the door and quickly made her way back to where everyone was, ensuring that she wasn't too far behind Willow and Xander.

Spike heard the backdoor swing open as he sparked the gas underneath the hotplate to a flame. He turned to watch as Buffy, Willow and Xander walked out the door. Turning down the flame, Spike walked over to the other male and offered his hand. With some reluctance, Xander weakly shook Spike's hand who in retort grasped it tightly as they greeted each other.

"Good to see you could make it," Spike weakly smiled towards the newest of guests. "How have you been? I think the last time I saw you was at Christmas?"

"Yeah, you were with your wife," Xander smirked. "How is she? Your wife that is? Doesn't seem that long since Christmas and how things have changed. You and Lily or should I say you and _Buffy_?"

"I wouldn't know how my _ex-wife_ is," Spike turned back to the barbeque but didn't miss the hushed bickering that started as soon as he turned his back to the others. He could hear the shocked 'X-X-Xander!' from Tara and the 'Shut up!' from Willow as she tried to get Xander to be silent. "Buffy is _my_ business and for your information I haven't talked to Lily except with lawyers present. I doubt that any conversation between Lily and myself would get to the pleasant chitchat level. Especially when Lily's trying to strip-mine me of nearly everything I have."

"I wouldn't bl…" Xander was winded as Willow elbowed him in the side of his chest to keep him from talking. He began to cough as he tried to catch his breath. "Willow?"

"What Xander?" Willow smiled innocently as Spike turned around to look at him with small smirk on his face. "I was wondering how things were going with your latest girlfriend. I'm sure that Spike doesn't want to talk about Lily."

"I'm just making friendly conversation about Spike's happy little family. This just happens to include our dearest friend and her brother-in-law being involved with each other."

"Sounds more like the beginnings of an in…interrogation of Spike about Lily," Tara spoke her mind. "Stop it Xander. Right now, before Buffy comes out or Willow and I will str-r-r-ing you up."

"Can I do anything to help, Spike?" Willow tried to divert the conversation away from the current topic of discussion.

"It's all under control," Spike pointed the tongs he now had in his hand and snapped them together towards Xander. "Thank you ladies for coming to my defence, but I'm sure that he'll behave himself. Won't you?"

"I…" Xander was speechless, "I'm sure that steak will be fine."

The door's hinges creaked as Buffy pushed the screen door open and walked out with a bottle of soda in one hand. Everyone was silent as she made her way towards them, her shoulders hunched as she sensed the chill in the air between the two men. Lines furrowed her forehead as Buffy became frustrated that her fears about Xander making an issue of things seemed to have perpetuated themselves in her absence, as short as that had been. Buffy closed her eyes, extended her jaw slightly, tightening the skin along her cheeks and shook her head as disappointment and anger accumulated inside her.

"Hey Buffster," Xander tried to appear cool and collected as he spoke with his friend. "How ya doing?"

"Love?" Spike took a step forward towards Buffy as his concern for her increased. With a sharp and sudden movement, Spike turned towards what he perceived to be the cause of her change in disposition.

"Alexander Harris," Buffy sighed to herself as she still kept her eyes shut, refusing to open them to acknowledge him at all. "You haven't been here five minutes and already I can feel the tension."

"Tension? What tension, Buffy?" Xander leaned over his cooler and pulled back the cover to remove a beer. Pulling off the cap, he then took a large swig of the alcoholic beverage. "The only tension here is coming from Captain Peroxide. He's been dodging every question or comment I've said to him."

"You've been interrogating Spike since the very second you arrived!" Willow was losing her temper quickly with Xander. She'd never seen him like this before, ever. "We're all here to have a nice lunch, not to be nosey and be rude to our friends, Xander."

"Who said that he was 'our' friend?" Xander nodded towards Spike and this time Buffy did open her eyes as she watched one of her oldest and dearest friends reject the man she loved. "We hardly know the man, and what? Suddenly Spike's our new bestest friend? I don't think so."

"Speak for yourself, Xander," Willow turned on him. "He is Buffy's choice and we're her friends. Besides being her friends, Tara and I support her choice."

"Even if it's _wrong_?" Xander pleaded with the others to understand where he was coming from. "He's her sister's husband. He's only with her because of the baby."

At that outrageous statement, Buffy turned towards Xander and with an outstretched palm, connected her hand with his cheek. Buffy was visibly shaking as she pulled herself back slightly and Xander flinched and the beer he held onto was flung onto the grass below. Spike tore past the women as he made a beeline for the other male that had caused such an outrage to come from his girl. Buffy pulled on Spike's shoulder just in time as he prepared to strike out blindly at the younger man.

"No Spike!" Buffy pleaded with him. "He's not worth it. He's just not worth it."

Xander stood in front of everyone cradling his now reddened cheek with both his hands, and his eyes filled with confusion. His best friend was standing there, holding back the man that Xander had come to dislike and in some way kind of despise. Jealousy gripped him like a vice around his heart; he'd acted in the heat of the moment as anger coursed through his veins. Confusion penetrated his being as he'd expected Willow and Tara to voice their concerns along with his as they'd openly discussed the day before.

"Just don't stand there Willow," Xander's eyes pleaded with his other best friend to back him up. "Tell her."

"Tell her what?" Willow was just too stunned even think about what he was going on about. "What are you talking about?"

"Yesterday," Xander's voice trembled as he continued, "you, Tara and me. You know, at lunch, we decided that he wasn't the best choice that Buffy had ever made."

"Get out!" Buffy screamed at Xander. "Get out of my house."

"No Xander," Tara spoke quietly for herself and Willow. "You decided that Spike wasn't the best decision Buffy had made." Tara turned towards an outraged Buffy and just hoped that her friend could hear her plea inside the anger that shrouded her. "Willow and I were concerned that all of this had happened too fast, but you—you had already decided before you got here."

"Spike," Willow pleaded with him, "you have to understand that we were concerned for Buffy. You had only split up with Lily a few months ago and now Buffy's pregnant with your child and you're living together. We were just so concerned for Buffy and you may not believe us, but for you too."

"Willow," Xander looked at her with a deep look of betrayal in his eyes. "Why are you doing this? He has come in like he's the King of Solomon and taken over her life."

"Because your jealousy is going to destroy our friendship," Willow looked at her friend. "Go home before you do anymore damage."

"No more damage than he's already done," Xander pointed his finger at Spike. "He is poison Buffy, he's rotten and evil."

"The only evil thing I see around here is you Xander," Buffy turned away from her friend and entwined herself around Spike's body. "Please go."

"Fine," Xander picked up his cooler and walked around to the side gate that would lead him to the street. "Buffy, please…"

"Just go," Buffy spoke just enough to let Xander hear her words, "you're not welcome here any more, Xander."

"Buffy, I…" Xander sputtered as he reeled against Buffy's open rejection of him and shock that she would do this to him. "Willow…Tara? Come on people, we've been friends long before _he _came along."

"He," Buffy swallowed hard as she did what she had to do, "he is my partner, Xander. If you can't accept him then you don't accept me or the baby."

"Buffy, he just left his wife, your sister!" Xander's voice began to rise. "How can he go from your brother-in-law to partner so quickly?"

"I'm not going to explain that to you, Xander." Buffy lifted her hand and pointed to the door. "I can't help who I fall in love with or who I take as my lover. That's my choice, not yours."

"You're lovers?" Xander's mouth hung open in disbelief. "How could you?"

"Get out," Spike quietly warned the other male. "The lady politely asked you to leave. Now I'm telling you to leave or I'll tear you limb from limb."

"Xander," Tara spoke quietly to her friend," please go. We'll talk later."

"Please, Xander." Willow pleaded with him before the situation got any further out of hand. "This isn't the time or place."

"Are you going to stay after _he's spoken to me like that_?" Xander demanded from Tara and Willow. "Well?"

"Yes I am," Willow spoke softly after a small pause. "Buffy and Spike are my friends too, Xander. If you can't behave like a friend, then I don't know if I want to be—."

"Will," Tara spoke as she touched her partner's arm. "Like you said, this isn't the time or the place." Turning to Xander she continued, "Go and we'll talk later. We care about you too but you're not thinking straight."

"I…" Xander looked at his friends once more before he walked away from them. The group stood staring awkwardly into space as they silently listened to Xander slam the gate shut on his way out. The heavy thud of his feet echoed on the concrete path and finally the slamming of his car door shattered the heavy silence. Willow looked up as she heard the car take off. She held her gaze with Spike's as she tried to awkwardly smile.

"Maybe we should go," Tara spoke softly to her partner.

"Do you agree with him?" Buffy spat out at Tara and Willow. "Do you think that I made a bad decision?"

"Buffy," Spike pulled her closer to him, "does it really matter what he thinks? Or what anyone thinks?"

"No Buffy, it shouldn't matter what other people think," Willow quietly spoke. "We—Tara and I—were concerned because we hadn't heard from you since you announced your pregnancy. But honestly, since the minute we arrived we knew that Spike loves you and the baby very much."

"We know that you made the right choice," Tara added. "We both love you and the baby. Xander will get over it."

"Xander's jealous," Willow tried to make excuses for him. "Jealous that you got Buffy, Spike. He's been hoping for years that she'd finally be interested in him and then you sweep her off her feet in a few weeks. Something that Xander hasn't been able to do ever, ergo his jealousy."

"I know he is but it doesn't excuse his behaviour," Buffy sighed.

"No it doesn't but," Tara grabbed Willow's arm, "we're here and we're with you one hundred percent."

"I don't want to come between you three," Buffy took a deep breath. "Or have to make you choose me or Xander, because Spike's part of the package now. Xander either grows up or he'll get left behind."

"Buffy, that's a bit harsh don't you think?" Willow asked her.

"After what I've been through lately, this is a picnic." Buffy looked at Spike and then back at her two friends. "Xander's been my friend for far too long to throw our friendship away like that. I only hope…."

"He'll be back, Buffy, with his tail between his legs," Tara whispered. "You know Xander, he always reacts before he thinks."

"Yeah, opens mouth and inserts foot," Willow laughed.

"I hope so Willow," Buffy smiled at her, "I really hope so."


	21. Listen to Me

The Surrogate

Chapter 21

By Mercy

_A/N in rereading this fic I found a minor plot error….Buffy's father is not her stepfather as indicated in chapter 14. He is her biological father! My bad…sorry about any confusion. Hopefully I can rectify this where I can if not….please accept my apologies._

Thanks to Kar and Meli for their beta reading. Thanks gals!

**Listen to Me**

Buffy lifted the last plate from the kitchen counter and placed it into the dishwasher as she tried to keep herself balanced with her expanding waistline. Spike had his back to her as he cleaned the vegetable scraps from the island counter with a sly smile on his face. He turned around catching her by the waist, pulling her back towards him. Running his hands along her abdomen as Buffy pulled herself upright, she sighed as Spike encircled their child beneath his hands.

"Won't be long now, love." Spike nuzzled her neck with light nips of his teeth.

"Mmm," Buffy softly acknowledged as she placed both hands over his, "I can't wait."

"Neither can I, love. Neither can I." Spike pulled her closer against him for a few sounds in a loving hug. "Big day tomorrow. You should go to bed and get some rest."

"Why?" Buffy pouted in disagreement.

"Because." Spike gently nipped her shoulder.

"Why?" Buffy asked again as she shrugged him away from her body and turned around to face him.

"Because I said so." Spike leaned over and took her hand within his own. "And because we're going to have along day at the hospital tomorrow."

"Spike," Buffy's voiced raised an octave higher as she uttered her discord, "I'm registering for the birth, not giving birth."

"Still, a little more sleep might make…" Spikes attention broke as a sharp, quick knock on the front door stopped him mid sentence. Looking at the kitchen clock, he frowned at the late hour. "Who in their right mind knocks on someone's door this time of bloody night?"

"Ignore it," Buffy replied as Spike let her go and marched off in a huff towards the front of the house. "Spike, they'll go away if we don't answer."

Buffy leaned back against the counter as she listened to Spike's heavy footsteps against the hardwood of the floor. She sighed again as she could only imagine what reception the people that knocked where going to receive from a very annoyed Englishman. In some retrospect, Buffy hoped that it was not Xander, who had not been back since last weekend when he'd made am absolute idiot of himself. Buffy strained to hear who might have been at the front door as she heard it open on its metal hinges. She just heard Spike's soft "bloody hell" as he found out exactly who was at the front door. Worriedly Buffy walked through the house towards the front door, her mouth fell open as she confronted the couple that stood on the threshold of the house.

Her mother and father.

"Mom," Buffy whispered in shock at seeing them on her doorstep, "Dad."

Her parents' look of shock mirrored that of their daughter, they both stared at her swollen abdomen showing her advancing pregnancy. Her mother's mouth hung open and her eyes widened at seeing for the first time the obvious state of her daughter's condition. Her father's posture stiffened as his glaring gaze moved back and forth from his daughter's to his son in laws in somewhat anger. Spike looked like he wanted nothing more than to knock the look from his father in law's face as he felt Buffy shudder against the intent look that her father was giving them.

"Buffy, aren't you going to invite your mother and myself in?" Buffy's father asked his daughter.

Buffy flinched at the commanding tone of his voice. "Come in."

"Mr. and Mrs. Summers," Spike spoke with his own warning laced intertwined in his tone as he opened the door further so that they could walk into the foyer of the house. "What a pleasant surprise," he added sarcastically.

"William," his father in law glared at him with hooded eyes that glazed with distrust and annoyance. "I would be lying if I said that it was pleasant to see you here in my daughter's house."

"Our house Dad," Buffy spoke with a tone fortified with warning. "This house is his and mine."

"That's not what the deed says Buffy," her father retaliated.

"Enough." Buffy's mother warned her husband, "Does it really matter Giles?"

"I…"

"I said 'enough'" Buffy's mothers pitch became incensed and intensified. "We agreed that we were coming to quietly discuss the situation. Not make their house a war zone."

"But Joyce…"

"Giles haven't we put our daughter through enough already," Joyce spoke quietly and looked away from the younger couple her eyes glazed with tears and guilt. "Please don't make things impossible even before we've walked through the door."

"Mom," Buffy took a step forward and taking her mother's hand drew her across the threshold and into the house. "Come in," she looked at her father with a hint of distrust and left him standing at the door. Too frightened to say something that she might later regret.

Spike watched as the two women walked past him and into the living room out of his peripheral vision. He looked at the older man with somewhat distain at way the father treated his own child. Never would he ever treat his own child in the same way no matter what the cause. If looks could kill, the man would not need a paramedic to revive him because there'd be nothing left to try and resuscitate.

"You get one warning, _Mr. Summers_. One warning only," Spike spoke quietly as not to alert the women and to shelter Buffy from any further harm. "You do anything, and I mean anything to hurt her anymore than you have and I'll rip your balls out and shove 'em down your throat."

"William, I am not here to do such a thing," he replied to the threat from his son in law.

"Make sure that you don't. You and your wife have made her suffer enough from not only your own hands but my ex as well."

"You make us sounds like monsters, William." Giles Summers almost looked like he was choking on his own words. "I doubt that _we_ weren't the only ones to cause my daughter… no both my daughters' grief."

"Right," Spike's mouth tightened as he gashed his teeth together pulling the skin on his face tight. "I admit that Buffy and I haven't had an easy time at first. I never gave Lily any grief. You'd better get one thing straight it was Lily that was fucking around on me, not the other way round."

"That's what you say," Giles pulled himself upright straightening his back as he unsuccessfully attempted to intimidate Spike.

"That's what I say," Spike spoke stiffly towards the other man.

"We will just have to see about that young man."

"Spike?" Buffy's voice interrupted the attempts of the men to out manoeuvre each other. "What are you talking about?"

"Nothin' love," Spike turned around with a soft smile of reassurance on his face. "Just making chitchat with your old man."

"Yes my dear, just man talk," Giles tried to make excuses.

"Just making sure that we understand each other," Spike moved away from the door leaving the older man on the doorstep. "You'd better come in before I change my mind."

"Thank you," Giles spoke softly.

Spike turned around with a warning look covering his facial features, "Don't thank me yet."

Spike turned and made his way towards the two women that now sat on the sofa as they went back to their own quiet conversation. Buffy stop speaking as she noticed Spike taking a seat in the sofa that stood elongated to the right of the one she sat on with her mother. Her father sat down reluctantly next to his son in law, his body language stiff and unremitting as the tension in the room began to gather tempo. Joyce looked from her daughter to her husband, wanting to throttle him for the anger that seemed to pour out of him towards the young man seated next to him.

"I think that the first thing that I should say to both of you," Joyce's voice was quiet and shaking "Is that I'm sorry for all the heartache that I and your father have put you through. I know that it isn't enough to just hear the words but I mean it." She took her daughter's hand in her own, "I'm sorry that I didn't speak to you that day on the phone. I was still in shock from what Lily had said that you'd done."

"Supposedly done," Buffy voice was filled with sad remembrance. "You never even tried to listen to what I had to say."

"I know," Joyce's eyes began to glisten with tears, "and for that I am truly sorry and ashamed of myself."

"Your mother was just too upset to speak," Giles interjected. "As far as we were concerned you'd stolen your sister's husband and were pregnant to boot. It's reasonable to assume that your mother was too upset to speak to you, Buffy."

"What about how Buffy felt?" Spike spat towards his father in law as the situation surrounding all of them began to escalate quickly into treacherous waters. This wasn't how he wanted things to go and not so devastating quickly as the Summers had only just walked in the door. "What about the pain it caused her? The misery that you inflicted onto your daughter?"

"Spike, I cannot imagine what pain my daughter went through," Joyce's tears finally fell upon her face. "Because of what we did. We should have listened to her side of the story."

"Would you have believed me?" Buffy quietly asked her parents. "At least tell me the truth. I deserve that if anything."

"I don't know," Joyce whispered, "Lily was very convincing about her story."

"Lying scheming bitch," Spike spoke under his breath yet not quite enough that his father in law didn't hear it.

"And you are such the innocent man?" Giles got to his feet. "You marry one of my daughters and then you 'shack up' with my other daughter."

"Dad!" Buffy jumped out of her seat as Spike stood up looking like he was about to take the head off her father. "Spike, stop it!"

"Yes I did marry your daughter." Spike spoke his truth. "And, I married the wrong daughter."

"Giles," Joyce, shaking got to her feet and walked to her husband talking his hand in her own walked Giles back to where he'd gotten up. "Sit down."

"We don't know what happened between then and how much is true we won't know unless we calmly talk about it." Joyce spoke with a hushed tone.

"You should have been told all of the truth by Lily," Spike sat back down next to a very quiet Buffy. "She promised to tell you everything. Not that her promise means anything."

"Lily only told us the basics," Joyce whispered. "That she'd lied about you, Buffy and the baby."

"She should have told you all of it," Spike frustrated ran his hand along his head and sighed. "All of the bloody truth."

"Why would she?" Buffy quietly commented.

"Because I paid her enough to tell your folks the truth," Spike spat out.

"Paid her?" Giles tried to understand what Spike actually meant and he implied about Lily. "What are you talking about?"

"Our divorce settlement," Spike looked at his father in law, "Lily wanted nearly everything that I owned so that we can divorce because she knows how much I want the damn thing."

"She's entitled to something, Spike." Joyce looked pleadingly at her son in law. "Despite everything."

"Lily didn't deserve everything that I and my family have worked for because she decided that I wasn't worth it and buggered off with another man," Spike spat out with distaste.

The sharp intake of horror by Buffy's mother was overshadowed by Giles's fist slamming down onto the sofa arm, both of them at odds with the reluctant truth. What they both perceived to believe as the loathsome truth as they both understood it, Joyce felt like her nerves were being grated over a gravel road jarring them into the reality that seemed to have made itself apparent by Spike's mishandling of the truth. Giles Summer, head began to hammer with throbbing pain as he tried to process the alligations that William had laid against his eldest daughter. He closed his eyes to avoid the blue eyes that bore into his own with contention and disgust laid against his precious Lily.

"Mom…what did Lily say exactly?" Buffy tried to compose herself as she spoke to her mother. "I want you to repeat it down to every last sentence, word and syllable."

"She just said that she'd left William because there was nothing left between them anymore," Joyce looked away to the floor as she rung her hands together. "That William was bored with her and didn't…you know…want her anymore," her mothers face became redder as she continued. "He was far more interested in you instead of his own wife…that he'd become obsessed with you and the baby."

"Obsessed?" Buffy questioned her mother's story, "With me?"

"Yes, that you seemed to occupy every waking moment that William had and that he wasn't interested in her anymore," Joyce quickly looked at her daughter to see what kind of reaction Buffy had with what she'd just said. Not seeing any response Joyce continued with what she understood as the labyrinth of would be truths from Lily. "That you'd secretly agreed to get pregnant by him so that he could have and I'm using her exact words 'his baby that I just couldn't give him so that you could steal him away from me'."

"That's not true," Buffy's eyes welded with tears at the words that had erupted from her lying sister's mouth that had vilified her to their mother.

"You're pregnant Buffy," Giles took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes. "Look like you could deliver any minute."

"She changes her story to suit herself," Spike shook his head as he become more confused trying to keep up the depth of the lies and deceit that his wife had plunged herself and them into. The truth had been twisted, unravelled and twisted again to suit Lily's pervert truth in pursuing his money and causing as much destruction as she could between the fragments of the lives she left behind in her wake.

"You can't deny that you only broke up a few months ago and Buffy looks more than a few months pregnant?" Joyce spoke quietly. "How else could she have become pregnant William if you weren't sleeping with Buffy?"

"I was inseminated Mom," Buffy whispered. "I had a piece of plastic inserted inside my womb delivering his seaman, not his dick."

"Buffy!" Her father fiercely reacted at her choice of words.

"I don't understand?" Joyce looked bewildered at her daughter's words. "It's to confusing."

"I…I went to the doctors office and he…umm…he inseminated me," Buffy floundered on her words. "I wanted to have…give Spike…"

"You wanted a baby so you got your sister's husband to be the donor?" Giles spat out the distasteful accusation at his daughter. "If you where that desperate for a baby why couldn't you find yourself a descent man and settle down?"

"It wasn't like that!" Buffy got up and stood in front of her father with her voice raised in explicit anger and revulsion. "You aren't listening to a word I have to say! Not a fucking single syllable that has come out of my mouth."

"Buffy," Joyce put her arm around her daughter trying to calm her down and offer her some degree of comfort. "Please sweetheart, it's not good to get yourself all worked up in your state," looking at her husband she managed to pull her distressed daughter back to the sofa. "Please Giles, don't be so pigheaded. You're putting to much strain on Buffy who is carrying our grandchild."

"Would someone please explain this bloody mess to me then?" Giles looked at Spike with daggers in his gaze. "All I want is the truth."

"Fine then," Spike turned and grabbed his father in laws tie, "I'll explain it to you in simple terms because that all you seem good at bloody understanding." Pulling on the tie so that the older man's face was as close as Spike wanted him to his own he continued. "Buffy saw how much I wanted a child with Lily and Lily's fertility treatment wasn't working at all…"

"Fertility?" Joyce's mouth dropped in surprise, "She never said anything to me."

"Because Lily said that she didn't want to worry you," Spike looked sympathetically at his mother in law. He'd always liked Joyce as she always wore her heart on her sleeve and had become the mother to him that he'd always wanted. Joyce had shown him more love and concern than his own mother had or could have, for that alone he would try to soften the truth as much as he could. "About her not being able to naturally conceive the baby we…I thought we both wanted."

"She never said a word or even hinted…nothing," Joyce looked devastated at Lily's inability to confide the truth to her own mother. "I never knew."

"You never were meant to," Spike's tone softened with regret vaguely laced in his words. "Finally after god knows how many attempts to get Lily pregnant, Buffy offered to be our surrogate. To give us the baby Lily couldn't have despite everything we did and god knows we tried."

"Oh my god," Joyce slumped herself against the sofa in shock. "You agreed to be a surrogate?"

"Yes Mom," Buffy swallowed deeply. "Just to be their surrogate so that they could have their baby and live happily ever after. All I wanted was to help them have a baby."

"Ironically the day that Buffy found out that she was pregnant with our baby was the day that Lily left me," Spike let out a sigh as the memory of that day burned through his mind. "All of her things were gone and all she left behind was a letter and her wedding band."

"You said 'our baby'" Giles quietly asked, "Who's the biological mother?"

"I am," Buffy answered her father with her head held high, "like I said they inseminated me with his sperm so it was my egg that was fertilised."

"And you were just going to hand the baby over to them once it had been born?" her father asked.

"Yes," Buffy closed her eyes as she answered, "That was the plan."

"Why not just give the baby over to William when it was born?" Giles asked his daughter exasperatedly. "Why…why all of this? Why get involved with _him_?"

"Because he is baby's father and Spike deserves to be involved with his child," Buffy answered. "And because…" her silence was deafening to the truth that she hesitated to speak but Spike couldn't help himself but fill her parents in what they truly felt for each other.

"Because I love her," Spike spoke for her. "Just like Buffy loves me."

"You love her," Giles cynical laughter filled the room. "Do you fall in love as quickly as you fall out of it?"

"That's low, even for you Dad," Buffy spoke between gritted teeth.

"Is it?"

"Enough," Spike let his father in law go by the tie and continued with what he was saying. "Buffy and I are in love with each other and with the baby on the way. That's the simplistic truth that you both have to accept that I'm with you daughter for the long haul and like I told my folks…you either accept us the way things are or not at all."

"The way things are?" Giles looked at Buffy accusingly, "Are you sleeping with him?"

"That's none of your business," Buffy told her father quietly.

"So you are?" Giles now looked angrily at Spike. "Couldn't keep your mitts off her?"

"Like she said it's none of your business whether she and I share the same bed or not," Spike spat back at him.

"Buffy, is that how you want it to be between you and your parents?" Giles questioned his daughter. "We have to accept the fact that you're pregnant with this man's child and you're having a sexual relationship with him no matter what you're mother and I think?"

"Yes you do, because Spike has done the same for me with his family. It's all three of us or nothing."

"Buffy," Joyce's voice crackled with emotion. "Please."

"No Mom," Buffy looked at her mother with her worry and distress written all over her face. "Spike's parents are getting the same thing as you. All three of us or nothing and they have accepted the facts as they are."

"So much has happened Buffy. I don't know what to think or feel,' Joyce tried to keep control over her crumbling emotions. "I love both you and your sister and despite what horrible things she you've accused her of. I just can't forget she's my daughter."

"I'm not Mom," Buffy spoke quietly. "I'm not saying to choose between me and Lily. All I ask is that you try and understand what I'm going through." She looked over to Spike as she continued. "Just to accept my decision about mine and my baby's life. Be happy for me and your grandchild."

"It's just so much information to take in at once," Joyce looked at her husband with hope in her eyes that he would stand by her next words to their daughter. "I think that your father and I need to go home and take all of this in. Let the dust settle and digest what you've said. Try to make sense of this whole mess."

"Yes," Giles looked directly into his fidgeting hands, "Joyce and I need to talk about what you've said and the ultimatum that you've given us."

"There is no ultimatum, Mr Summers," Spike spoke. "We just want you to accept the situation for what it is. You don't have to choose between your daughters. All Buffy's saying is that you have the choice whether you participate in our family's life and in doing that your grandchild's."

"I see," Giles swallowed hard. "It still recks of an ultimatum to me."

"Giles, enough," Joyce warned her husband. "I think that enough hurtful words have been said. I think that it's time that we went."

"Yes my dear," Giles stood up and went to his wife holding out his hand to help her to her feet. "I think that your mother is right."

"So do I," Spike looked grimly at his father in law. "Buffy needs to rest."

"Please don't take anything I said the wrong way, Mom," Buffy got up as her mother stood up and turned to hug her. "I love you and Dad."

"I know, dear. I know," Joyce returned to gentle hug with one of her own. "I'll call you soon."

"Please do, Mom," Buffy let her go and embraced her father. "Please don't be angry, Dad. I love you both, but I also love William and our baby."

"I don't know what to say," Giles brow furrowed together at all the jumbled thoughts and memories came flooding together like the pieces of a puzzle. Truth recked from the distasteful taste of reality in his mouth emanating from the lies and half-truths that his other daughter had spewed out about Buffy. "I know that there are some facts that can't be dismissed about Lily but it's just too hard to imagine that one sibling would do that to another. I don't know…I just don't know."

"Then can I suggest that you go home and think about it before we take this any further." He watched as Giles nodded his head in silent agreement whilst he contemplated his own thoughts and words to his daughter. Spike moved away from her parents and moved towards the front door. "I'll see you both out."

Joyce turned back to her daughter and sighed, "Don't you ever think that I or your father don't love you. It's just been to…" Her lose of words played upon her face as she was too frightened to say the wrong thing and if anything to say anything at all. The relationship between child and parent was just too fragile now to risk damaging it any further.

"I know Mom. I know," Buffy tried to smile but all that showed was a strained thin lip between her cheeks. "I'll talk to you later."

"Night sweetheart," Joyce said her farewells as she walked through the front door to the outside.

"Buffy," Giles looked sombre in the revelation of truths that had taken place between all of them tonight. "I'm sorry…so sorry that we…what I've put you through. We didn't know but you have to see it from our perspective. It's a shock to learn that not only how the baby was conceived but you're also sleeping with this…this man."

"Dad, William's been here for me from day one no matter what you're thinking at the moment. He's been here for me and the baby. I love him so much that it hurts my insides and the idea that not being close to William makes me shudder." Buffy spoke confidently drawing from her confidence and love for the man that stood before her. "But I also need you and Mom to be here for me too. Please Dad, try to understand."

"I'll try, Buffy," Giles exhaled, "I'll try."

"That's all I ask," Buffy pleaded with her father.

"I'd better be going before you're mother starts to worry where I am," Giles nodded his head in farewell and walked out the door.

"Bloody hell," Spike closed the door with a soft thud and twisted the lock.

"You can say that again." Buffy walked back to the sofa and sat back down.

"Went well don't you think?" Spike walked back to her and sat next to her. "Think they'll come around, love?"

"I don't know. I just don't know."

"They'll see the truth, love." Spike swung his arm around her in an embrace. "If not we'll make them see it so it's as plain to them as the time of day."

"Lily really did a number on them," Buffy sighed.

"Yeap," Spike played with a lock of her hair. "Couldn't even tell them the whole bloody truth. Not to worry, love."

"I know," Buffy smiled in vain hope of trying to appear vaguely happy. "At least they finally got to hear what I had to say."

"The truth, love," Spike leaned in and kissed her softly on the lips. "If they don't want to believe the truth than that's their problem, 'aint it?"

"I suppose," Buffy struggled to suppress the yawn that came from her now tired body. She was tired and exhausted from all the emotional conflict that had been going on inside of her during her parents visit. "I'm tired."

"I know, love. Go to bed I'll be up soon."

"No," Buffy pouted at him. "I'm going to my bed and you can have the spare."

"What! No way!" Spike pulled back from her in shock. "You and I are going to share the same bed, thank you. I'm not going to be kick out of our bed because they disapprove."

"But…"

"No butts about it."

"I'm kidding as if I'd let you ever sleep alone with out me," Buffy pocked him in the ribs. "Had you going there didn't I?"

"Right," Spike looked menacingly disparaged at her. "Don't ever do that again."

"What?" Buffy looked innocently at him. "What?"


	22. The Sound of White

The Surrogate

Chapter 22

By Mercy

NC-17 for sexual content

Thanks to Kar for all your help so far

Please note that this is a rough version because I can't wait for your reaction!

The Sound of White

"Hey sweetheart." Spike took the shopping bags out of Buffy's hands as she struggled with the load she carried. "Told you that you should let me carry the shopping in when you get home."

"But…" Buffy leaned against the counter of the kitchen letting herself get her breath back. "I'm pregnant, not an invalid."

"You're about to pop junior out and you're carrying a weeks worth of groceries in both your hands when you knew I was home working." He placed the offending bags on the kitchen counter and began to unpack. "Only reason I knew was the swearing I heard from upstairs as you were struggling with the bloody door."

"I don't swear." She began to blush in embarrassment at being caught swearing when she chided Spike about it all the time. "I didn't."

"So 'open you _beeping_ door' doesn't count?" He moved to the fridge to place the dairy items that lay in his hand inside. "Suppose that you're swearing at an inanimate object you'll lay at my feet for picking up such unlady like language?"

"Too right I do and anything else that I can." She turned herself to the side so that she could hug Spike with all the rush of love that she felt in that one moment for no other reason that he was there with her. "Even this really poor impersonation of a cockney accent."

"Please stop. Now before you do any more damage to my poor feelings and make my ears bleed."

"Awh, you're no fun." Buffy kissed him awkwardly on the cheek and let him go as she retreated back to the dining table and sat down with a tired sigh.

"Tired, my sweet?" He asked with a soft tone. "You do too much for a pregnant lady."

"Gargantuan you mean," she huffed at even the thought that he wanted her to slow down.

"Gorgeoustuan you mean." He lifted a bottle of water in one hand and carton of milk in the other. "How about a nice cool drink for the sexy hot mama to be?"

"Me? Sexy? Like this?" She laid her hand over her expanded tummy. "You'll need a crane soon to get me on and off the bed soon. Let alone making you all hot and heavy."

"You're kidding me, right?" Spike turned to the island counter pulling out a glass and poured a glass of milk. "You think that I don't want to be with you?"

"It must be a turn off to see me like this?" She pouted her lips and defied him to tell her other wise. "All big and clumsy."

"You are not big." He moved slowly to where Buffy sat placing the glass of milk in front of her. "You are a glorious shape filled with our baby and you're not clumsy just a bit wobbly with carrying our little miracle."

"Fat and repulsive." She pushed the glass of milk aside.

"Fuckable and fuckable more like it, love." He titled his chin with his sexiest smirk on it. "You need me to tell you that I want to kiss, lick and suck every part of you're pregnant body. Baby, don't you feel my stiff cock every time you come 50 feet in front of me or every night we cuddle in bed? I have a permeant hard on and it's all for you."

"God you're crude," Buffy huffed at him again.

"And it turns you on, you little deviant. Doesn't it?" He pushed the glass towards her again gesturing to her that she drink it. "Come on, Buffy, drink it."

"Yes, I am a deviant because it makes me hot." She pushed the glass away once more. "And, no, I've drunk enough milk to keep a dairy farm in operation for a zillion years. Enough of the milk already," she looked slightly frustrated as Buffy squished her face up in revulsion.

"But, love, its soooo beneficial for you." He tapped the glass with his finger on the side. "Full of cowy goodness."

"Cowy goodness?" She finally took the glace and reluctantly took a sip. "Now that is lame. Can't you come up with anything better to wise crack about."

"Well I could easily start the wise cracking as you so eloquently. You are such as easy target, so easy that something immediately comes to mind like the colour that you want to paint the nursery." He lifted up that paint colour brochure that had been sitting on the table in front of Buffy. "_Chocolate Drop_? You want to paint our kids' bedroom brown? Please '_Chocolate Drop' _more like '_Crap Drop'_?"

"Chocolate drop is a beautiful colour and it's a feature wall you idiot." She pulled the brochure from his hand. "You stick to what you know best and I'll stick to what I know best."

"Meaning?"

"You stick to being a lawyer, and I'll decorate the house how I like," She stuck here tongue out at him in defiance. "No sterile white here, sunshine."

"White? I hate white. Why would I want you to decorate the nursery in white?" He looked questionably at her as he didn't have an obvious clue about what she was talking about.

"Your last place," She whispered wishing that she hadn't said anything at all as she realised that she'd probably opened a can of worms. "It was so white that sometimes it reminded me of a hospital, all sterile and plain."

"I love colour." Spike sat down next to his beloved, "I hate white. I can't stand it and I never want to see another white wall, sofa or carpet again. That was all Lily's fixated decorating idea, I just lived in it. If you can call not having a speck of dirt on me allowed in the house for fear of dirtying it, living then I don't want it thank you."

"I know she was pretty fanatical about it." She shook her head in as if to try and shake away a bad memory. "Shoes off at the front door and wash your hands before you touch anything."

"I remember that I had to take my shoes of on the patio and enter with my socks." He softly laughed at the ridiculous things that his soon to be ex-wife made him do. "She used to make to wear these silly grandpa slippers when we had no visitors and made me scrub the loo after I'd taken a piss, rim and all."

"You cleaning the loo," She broke out in a deep laughter which made her hold onto her swollen abdomen as she tried to imagine him with a brush in his hand cleaning out the toilet. "Now that I got to see you do and since you've volunteered the information you can clean the loo's as I'm so over them. Well I can't get over them anymore or around them because of you."

"Me, what did I do?"

"Got me pregnant." She looked down at her tummy. "Or is this just some funny growth?"

"I'd happily get you pregnant again anytime, Miss Summers," He lifted his hand forward to clasp hers as he stood so that she'd stand with him. "Or if you require any further instruction on just how I'll get you pregnant in the future, just ask me I'll happily oblige."

"I'd blissfully take you up on your offer, but I'm otherwise currently engaged." She rubbed her hand against her abdomen. "Someone has beat you to it and is currently having a game of tootsies against the side of my bladder. So you'd better excuse me for a moment…"

The ring of the phone interrupted any further conversation with its shrill sound. He waved his hand motioning to her to continue her journey. With a soft sigh of frustration at being interrupted he mumbled to himself that whoever called had better have a bloody good reason to interrupt Buffy and himself.

"Hello," He spat into the phone receiver not really caring who he offended on the other end of the phone. "What do you want?"

"Well what a lovely way to speak to your mother," Evelyn Freemantle chided her son. "I thought that I'd taught you better manners than that young man?"

"Sorry, Mum." Spike immediately apologised.

"So you should be." His mother sounded slightly peeved at her son as Evelyn reprimanded him. "Anyway I'm not calling you up to give you a lecture about manners."

"Thank fu…god for that," He whispered almost to himself.

"What?"

"Nothing, Mum," He thought that he should just keep his mouth shut before he got onto anymore trouble from the one of the few women in his life that could make him tremble in fear from just the sound of her voice. "What's up?"

"What's up? Maybe I should take you back to Miss Newton or whatever that woman's name was to teach you elocution lessons again like when you where five." She threatened her son like he was a mischievous teenager.

"Okay, okay, Mum," Spike hissed at his mother with some boyhood resentment that he still had against her having to talk those fucking awful lessons from some old biddy who thought she could speak the Queens English better than an Englishman. "What can I do for you?"

"Mrs Holliman, you know her she's Harold Holliman's wife who used to work with your father." His mother would most likely go into further explanation of who on earth she was talking about if she hadn't heard the large sigh of exasperation from Spike. "Well anyway she volunteers at All Saints, and she said that she'd seen you with some mystery woman at the admissions desk relishing to everyone that the woman also just happened to be 'heavily with child'. I mean really it was like she'd never seen a pregnant couple before in a hospital of all places but of course she had to be gossiping about my son, didn't she? I might add to anyone that would stop for two minutes so that she could spread her malingering gossip."

"So?" He felt like he wanted to just hang up there seemed no point in this conversation. "Your point, Mother?"

"You and Buffy are having the child at All Saints? May I ask why you're not having the baby at the ASMC?" Mrs. Freemantle sounded like she was rebuffing her place in society for daring to have the baby in the main public area of the hospital. "AS is fine, but ASMC is better."

"Mum, what is ASMC?" Spike sighed again into the receiver of the phone. "I don't have the faintest about what you are talking about?"

"All Saints Medical Centre, dear. I want the baby born there."

"That would be fine, Mum, but Buffy wants the baby at All Saints not the Medical Centre. She's having the baby so she gets to choose." Spike pointed out the facts to his mother. "She'll have the baby where she's the most comfortable."

"Yes, but at the Medical Centre she could have her own room and bathroom." He could hear the English snobbishment pouring out of his mother. He wondered how on earth his parents ended up together with his father not having a drop of snob in him or the belief of class differentiation between any populations. "Her own midwife and the best doctors on hand."

"Mum, Buffy's already got the best doctor money could buy, Dr Singer's going to do the delivery." He pointed out to his mother, "She'll have her own midwife at AS anyway."

"But..."

"No buts, Mum, that's how we want it and that's the way that it's going to be," Spike scratched his head instead of banging it against the nearest wall like he really wanted to do as it would surely be less painful than dealing with his mother. "Anything else I can do for you?"

"Fine if you want the baby at AS than that's fine," Evelyn Freemantle felt like she'd truly been put in her place by her son. "Could I at least help Buffy with the decorating of my grandbaby's room?"

"Done."

"Oh…clothing?"

"Mum, it's all ready for the baby, where just waiting for the little mite to come out into the world." He couldn't help but hear the loud disappointment coming from the other end of the phone at his mother's hurt that she wouldn't be involved in any type of activity that would welcome the baby into the world. "You know that the only thing that you and Dad really need to do is just be there for all three of us. Especially for Buffy, Mum, she's had a hard enough time of it all already, and maybe if she knew that she had your support then the whole thing for her might be easier."

"My support?" She hadn't really allowed herself to think beyond the fact that his wife had left him and now she had an unexpected grandchild on the way. To tell the tEvelyn she hadn't really given any thought to Buffy and she could tell by the tone that her son had taken when he'd told her just how she could help by supporting Buffy that this fact really hurt her son deeply. "Of course I'll give her my full support. She's carrying my little grandbaby."

"Mum she's not an incubator," Spike retorted.

"I know that. Don't get smart with me I still can take you over my knee you now. You'll never be to old you know," Evelyn threatened her son with a spanking. "Where is Buffy? Can I speak with her?"

"Hang on Mum, she's just coming in now," Spike held out the phone to Buffy who'd seemed to have returned from her dash to the loo.

"No," Buffy waved her hand out trying to get Spike to make some excuse for not taking the phone call. She blatantly remembered the last time that she's spoken with Spike's mum and that had ended in emotional time considering the crisis that they'd been having at that point in their relationship. "Please, no."

"Com'on love, gotta face her sometime."

With some great reluctance Buffy took the phone out of Spike's hand and spoke with a quiet determination in her voice to her future mother-in-law. "Hello Mrs Freemantle, how are you doing?"

"Fine, very fine indeed."

"That's good," Buffy could feel the beginnings of a long quiet gap coming as both women seemed unsure as what to say to the other, to afraid that they'd either offend or scare the other off. "Ummm anything that I can help you with today?"

"Buffy," Spike whispered to his love as Buffy spoke to his mother. "For gods sake make it quick and painless please."

"Pardon me Buffy but what is my son going on about?" Evelyn asked Buffy.

"He wants me to make it 'quick and painless'," Buffy lightly laughed into the phone. "He's being a pain again."

"You don't have to convince me my dear." Her voice sharpened a little against her son's apparent lack of understanding in her needed to want to contribute to her grandchild's life. "Anyway dear, I just wanted to see if I could do anything to help with the baby. Furniture, clothing, car seats or help out financially? Anything my dear, anything?"

"We have everything I think Mrs Freemantle," Buffy leaned over and smacked Spike on his forehead with the palm of her hand as he made a face. "Maybe you could come out here and discuss it with your loving son?"

"Would you mind if I did? Maybe I could make an inventory of what you've got and what you might need that you don't have." Her anticipation of coming over flooded her tone and Buffy could have sworn that Evelyn Freemantle was probably salivating at the lips with just the thought of being involved with Buffy's child.

Spike now stood directly in front of Buffy as he waved his hands across each other in a pleading 'no' fashion, mouthing the word frantically as a sudden idea hit Buffy's brain, one that would probably put him into a tail spin. An idea that would probably take him all day she hoped and would get him out of her hair for a while to give herself some 'Buffy time'. She finally might be able to get to the local Day Spa without Spike insisting that he come with her.

"You know Mrs Freemantle, you've just given me an idea." Buffy wickedly smiled towards Spike with a slightly evil slant on her mouth. "Maybe Spike could take you to the mall and buy that highchair that he's been promising to for months now. Come to think of it I could use a diaper bag and some more wash clothes."

"Oh wonderful," Evelyn Freemantle's sigh of relief was deep and meaningful across the phone line. "But what if I get the wrong bag design Buffy?"

"Please don't worry Spike knows all the patterns and themes that I have for the baby and the pram. Also which highchair that I wanted and I mean the one I want not the one he wants. If he tries to talk you into the timber one than he's lying, I want the one that we can later use as a chair and table when the baby's a toddler."

"I know the one that you mean an absolutely fabulous idea." Evelyn laughed and snorted at Buffy's instructions. "Also another thing Buffy, please call me Evelyn."

"Umm…" Buffy felt slightly stunned at Spike's mothers request as it was one that she wasn't expecting. Evelyn Freemantle had always favoured Lily over Buffy every time that they'd meet at family gatherings. Buffy didn't forget that Evelyn was probably biased considering that Lily was her daughter-in-law and Buffy had been nothing but the plain sister to a regal beauty as far as the Freemantle's had been concerned. "Sure…umm…Evelyn."

"It'll get easier my dear with proper usage," Evelyn spoke with a tender undertone. "I'm sorry about anything I did or said in the past Buffy. You having my son's child has shown me what a loving and giving person you are. I don't know if I could have had a baby for my sister and her husband in the first place, but most importantly I don't know if I could have continued with my pregnancy. All I can say is that thank god you're a stronger person than me and that you saw something in my son that Lily couldn't."

"Thank you," was all Buffy could say as her voice cracked under her emotions. She could feel the tears slowly flow down her face as Evelyn let all her feelings spill out over the phone. "I see the man that he is and always will be. A good honest man that would do anything for me and our child."

Spike stood motionless aghast against the woman who'd just made him feel loved and truly invincible with just a few words Buffy had expressed everything that he wanted to be for her. He took the phone from her hand and hung it up after a curt 'goodbye' to his mother. Spike lifted a hand to her face and wiped the tears that she'd unknowingly shed in revealing her emotions to his mother.

"Tell me again what you just said," Spike needed to hear her say it again.

"I see the man that you are, a good and honest man that would sacrifice himself if I asked him to."

"Tell me you want me," he needed to hear her say it even though she'd said it and demonstrated it to him many times.

Buffy had quickly learned in their relationship that he was just as frightened that she would leave him like Lily did with cause or purpose. Except this time she would be taking away something more than herself but their child. So she gave into his need realising that she'd have to somehow break this insecurity one way or another.

"I want you."

"Tell me you need me."

"I need you," Buffy leaned over and kissed him gently on the lips. "I'll always need you."

"Tell me you love me," Spike's voice cracked with yearning to hear her say the words to him again. Once, twice, a zillion times would never be enough but to him in this moment it felt like eternity just waiting for her to say the words that she always responded with like a distant memory playing repeatedly.

"I love you, you know I do."

"Always sweetling, always."


	23. A Moment of Grace

Thanks to Mari and Meli for their input and beta reading!!!

Happy reading!

Chapter 23

_**A Moment of Grace**_

"My bag," Buffy pointed to the closet as she tried to remember how to breathe, "Just get my bag."

"Love, slow down," Spike pulled open the door and pulled out Buffy's suitcase that she'd pack for this very moment.

Finally their little miracle was coming into the world. It was time to have the baby.

"Spike," Buffy tried to catch her breathe as a contraction squeezed her pelvis.

"Yes, love?" Spike anxiously checked his jeans pocket as he tried to find his car keys. "Where in bloody hell's name did I put my keys?"

"Spike!" Buffy looked at her watch as she tried to count the minutes between her contractions which had gotten shorter and more intense as the night had progressed. "Spike!"

"What's wrong, love?" Spike dropped her suitcase as he sized her up with a quick glance. "You in alotta pain?" he checked his pockets again for the elusive keys that would enable him to get her to the hospital before the baby decided to show itself here and now.

"No, but I've changed my mind," Buffy rubbed her abdomen hoping that it would somehow soothe the life below her hands into slowing down its pending arrival into the world. "I'm not ready…please can we put this off for another month or two?"

"Awh love," Spike gently leaned over to her and kissed her lips. "It'll all be over soon."

"I don't want it to happen yet. I'm not ready you prat!" Buffy could feel her discomfort begin to fuel her frustration and fear as it trickled into her blood stream as denial of the impending delivery override the reality of the situation. "Why did I ever talk myself into this? Why am I always talking myself into these bloody ridiculous situations?"

"The only thing that you've talked yourself into is the best thing that will ever happen in both our lives and one I hope to repeat again and again." Spike winced as Buffy grabbed his hand and squeezed it with all her might as a ripple of contraction fluttered across her body. "Just remember to breathe through it. In and out. In and out. Maybe some visualization might help?"

"Fuck the visualization," Buffy winced herself as the pain ebbed with the echoing ripple of her contraction. "I just want this thing over with."

"It'll be over soon," Spike gently pulled her towards the front door. "Wait here and I'll find those keys and we'll be on our way."

"Just hurry up and get me to the hospital."

"Your wish is my command."

"Just shut up and get me to the hospital."

"Push, Buffy," Dr Singer's calm voice echoed off the tiled walls of the Delivery Suite. The doctor stood in front of Buffy as she braced herself against the intense pressure in her pelvis. "One more push. I can see the baby's crown."

"The baby's what?" Spike sat behind Buffy as he lovingly held her against his chest as she laboured with the impending appearance of their child. He had to control his tone as he wanted to scream in pain from his hands almost being ripped out from their wrist by Buffy. As she struggled in pain with the long labour that Buffy had endured since early last night and now the immediate pain of the delivery wishing that she had opted for the epidural instead of trying without it.

"I can see the baby's head...come on Buffy just one more push," Dr Singer tried to persuade his tired patient to find the strength to complete the delivery of her child. "Push!"

"Oh for fuck's sake," Buffy took a deep breath and pushed with all her might and with all the energy that she had left to give from within herself. "Awhhhhh!! No...hhhhoooo[_exhale_...way...ahhh[_inhale_...do you get to touch me again. Hhhhooo[_exhale_."

"Here comes baby," Dr Singer leaned in closer to Buffy as he slipped his hands around the baby's shoulders to supported the slippery infant's entry into the world. Placing the baby for a few seconds on Buffy's tummy, Dr Singer held the baby as he declared for all in the room. "It's a little boy."

Grabbing a sterile towel the doctor wrapped the now screaming newborn into the arms of the waiting midwife that quickly suctioned the baby's throat and checked the baby over. Within minutes the child was placed into Buffy's waiting arms as she closely looked over every inch and ten fingers and toes of the baby.

"Look, William," Buffy held onto the newborn as if he would break if she held onto him too tight and with a gentle pull of the towel she looked down at the baby. "Look at our son."

"We have a little boy," Spike whispered to himself in awe of the little life that he'd created only nine months ago. "A little boy..."

"What a surprise." Buffy lifted the baby up to her face and gently place a butterfly kiss on the head of her son. "What was I thinking when I could have sworn you were going to be a girl?"

"You wanted a girl, Buffy?" Spike trailed his index finger around the head of his newborn child. "Maybe next time, love."

"I really didn't care if we had a boy or girl just as long as they were healthy." Buffy looked up to Spike with a tired smile on her face. "And who said anything about next time? Didn't you hear me telling you that you won't be coming near me again?"

"Lucky for me that I know you're only kidding, sweetheart."

"Who says I'm kidding?" Buffy laughed softly.

"Hey you two, I don't think this is the place to discuss the next kid or your impending sex life." Dr Singer looked at the two of them as he took of his surgical gloves and a nurse helped him with his surgical gown. "Just get over the birth of this one first who I need to remind you is only ten minutes old."

"Sure, doc," Spike by this time had his son's fingers wrapped around the tip of his index finger. "So small for such a loud wail," noting the loudness of the cry that came from the small lungs of his newborn.

"Yes, loud like his father." Buffy handed over the baby to his father as the midwife motioned to Buffy that she wanted to take her blood pressure as the cuff was raised to her arm.

"Better get used to it," the nurse knowingly smiled at the couple. "Bubby will want your constant attention."

"I'm very sure of that if he is anything like his father."

"Okay mom," the nurse took the chart from a table near the bed that Buffy sat on. "Obs are stable, baby scored well on his first test and dad's not on the floor so I think that we can get you back to the ward."

"Dad's not on the floor?" Buffy smiled at the midwife's comments.

"You'd be surprised by the number of fathers that end up deciding the floor looks more comfortable." The midwife let a light laugh out as she shook her head, recounting the men which had landed on the floor and ended needing hospitalisation. Talk about keeping it in the family as sometimes the fathers needed admitting to the hospital for concussion as they hit their head on the way down as they fainted. "So many Dads faint as their partners give birth that we're thinking of padding the floor."

"Buffy, would you like to have a quick bed sponge with one of the nurse's help?" the midwife asked her patient. "I'm sure that Dad can look after the little one for a while."

"Spike?" Buffy looked unsure towards him and the baby. "I might leave it till later." She wasn't ready to let the two men she loved most in her life out of her sight.

"Buffy, let the nurses help you. You'd probably feel better with a clean up," Spike leaned over her holding with all his might their precious little boy.

"And I think that Jack would like to meet his granddad and grandma."

"Hey Jack, want to meet your grandma and granddad?" Buffy gently stroked her son's head feeling the little bumps that the white vermilion left on his forehead. "You're so cute even with all this white stuff on you."

"Love, you freshen up and I'll introduce him to dad and your mum." Spike lifted the baby away and cuddled him into the curve of his elbow. "We won't be long, mum."

"Okay, don't be too long," Buffy leaned up and kissed Spike on the cheek. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Spike finally allowed the tears that he'd been trying to hold back during the birth of their child flow. "Thank you so much, Buffy. Thank you for our son."

"Okay Dad, give us girls about 10 minutes to clean up and then you'd better bring bubby back to mom." The nurse gently pushed Spike out of the way and towards the door of the delivery suite.

"Back soon love," Spike pushed past the door as he went out to show his father and soon to be mother in law his greatest joy in his life beside his girl.

"Just go!" Spike heard his father's raised voice in anger, "Just go away. Now before they come out!"

"Dad? What the hell?" Spike came around the corner where the family waiting room was sure that his father was speaking to Buffy's mother like she was the enemy. But with a shock that could have caused a heart attack he came face to face with Lily. No words came from his mouth as he was stunned at the sight of the woman in front of him that would dare show her face on a day as precious as this to him.

"Oohh look..."

"Get out," Spike cut her short even before she could say anything more. "You're not welcome here."

"What Spike I can't see my own...nephew," Lily spat the last word out like it was diseased. "You know it's ruuu…de not to allow me to see my own flesh 'n' blood."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Spike looked sharply at his ex as Lily began to seemingly slur her words and he could not notice the dilation of her iris. Taking a deep inhalation of oxygen in trying to curb the sudden anger that gripped his being, Spike handed little Jack over to his grandmother. "Joyce meet Jack. Jack meet Nana."

"Oh...Jack," Joyce wanted to start to cry as she held her grandson in her arms but couldn't bring herself to feel anything caught as she was between her daughter and the new life that had been brought into the world by her other daughter just minutes before. "You're so beautiful."

"Joyce..." Spike's father gathered closely in front of Joyce as if to protect her and the baby. "Why don't you take the baby back to Buffy I'm sure that she'd love to see you and Jack."

"But Lily..." Joyce's eyes began to water as her daughter and her ex-son in law had begun a standoff. "What about Lily?"

"Yeah, mom what...what... about me?" Lily head slightly wobbled as she spoke and it was clear to all that something was drastically wrong with her as she spoke. "Come on, Spike, what are...areee... you going toooo... do, big boy? Spank me like a bad girl?"

"Joyce, take Jack to Buffy?" Spike looked directly at Joyce as he pleaded to have his newborn child removed from what he only saw as a threat to the baby's safety. "Please, Joyce."

Reluctantly Joyce moved slowly away from the protective range of Spike's father and moved across the corridor on the other side of her daughter. The men could almost hear Joyce's heart break as she felt her forsaking one child for another. Despite all Lily had done to her, Giles and Buffy, she was still her daughter. As Joyce passed by her daughter, Lily snapped her teeth together as if she was taking a bite out of the baby.

Spike was pulled back by his father as he went to lunge at his ex for even daring to threaten the baby even if it was jokingly. At the moment he couldn't tell what was wrong with Lily but he could take a guess. Watching Joyce disappear behind the doors that lead to the maternity ward, Spike turned to finally confront Lily.

"What the bloody hell do you want, Lily?" Spike took a step forward towards her as he again inhaled deeply as if trying to find something cloying to her skin. "And what the hell have you been taking?"

"Oh Lily..." Mr Freemantle sighed as he realised what his son was suggesting and closely looked at his ex daughter in law for the signs and symptoms that Spike must have seen. "Lily, what have you done?"

"Nothing, you son of a bitch," Lily spat out at Spike. "How...how dddare you suggest that...III..."

"I don't have to suggest anything, Lily," Spike took her arm as he began to lead her away from the maternity unit. "You look like you've gone through the ringer, your eyes are bloodshot and you stink of weed."

"Hey...heyyyyyyyyy a little relaxant and some coke doesn't hurt anyone," Lily too offence to his words. "I look beaut..it...ffful."

"Dad, please get her to a cab and get the bi...her home before I do something I regret." Spike turned toward his father as he caught up to take over the movement of getting her out by guiding her by the arm. "I don't want to have to deal with her today of all days."

"But baby...I want youuuu," Lily stumbled a little as Mr Freemantle wasn't as gentle as his son. "Want to talk tooooyouuuuu. Want toooo aassk you..."

"Ask me for what, Lily? More money?" Spike nearly spat out his disgust at her appearance at this moment in time but also her abhorrent behaviour.

"To come back...I missss...I misss youuu." Lily tried to pull away from her ex father in law but was held in place with a forceful hold.

"Come back to what, Lily?" Spike laughed with an errie laugh. "You?"

"Yes," Lily lifted her head up higher with what she thought was her pride. "Me. You...are...mmm...mine. Nooo...not hers."

"Go away, Lily," Spike hung his head in defeat as his anger began to rise and the need to strangle the cow became overwhelming. He wanted to be with Buffy not a woman that appeared to be so out of her brain on drugs that it scared him. "But before you go, you'd better understand that you had your chance with me. I belong to her now. Do you understand I belong to her?"

"No!" Lily began to raise her voice in denial. "My husband!"

"Go away, Lily," Spike sighed as he looked at his father, too appalled to look at her for a minute longer. "Dad, go, please, before I do something that I regret."

Spike could only hear her pleas as his father took Lily away from the sight of his son under the pretext that "if she didn't leave with him then security would be called and remove her bodily." Reminding her that she would have "to explain her state of mind to security and possibly the police" if she "continued with her freak out".

"Fuck," was all Spike could think to himself as this revelation of his ex's behaviour confused and perplexed him at the same time it chilled him down to his marrow. If Lily had been using drugs then it could explain a lot of her strange behaviour over the past nine months. "Fuck!" Spike said a little louder as he walked past Buffy's room and heard her and Joyce cooing over his son.

How the hell was he supposed to explain this one to Buffy?

"Fucking bloody sodding hell."


End file.
